Unlucky Jim

Poor Perchinho. He's been doing his very best to ensure a memorable and successful season for Wigan, but without much joy. First he scored the winning goal against Man City that took the Latics to the semi-finals of the FA Cup, where they were beaten by favourites Arsenal. And then last night he broke the deadlock in the second leg of their play-off semi-final against QPR, giving his team a vital away goal, only for two strikes from Charlie Austin to deny them a second bite at Wembley success this season.

QPR's victory means they now face Derby in a head-to-head battle for promotion to the Premier League. It promises to be an entertaining encounter, one which I'm personally hoping the Rams win - QPR have been living way beyond their means for some time now, and we don't really want to have to meet ASBO or 'Appy 'Arry again.

James knocks Man City off their Perch again

Congratulations to Perchinho, scorer of what proved to be the winning goal as FA Cup holders Wigan beat Man City yesterday - a result no less improbable for the fact that City were also the fall guys when the Latics lifted the trophy back in May. The defender who became a cult hero on Tyneside isn't exactly noted for his goalscoring exploits, having found the back of the net just once for us (albeit against Man Utd at Old Trafford), but showed a striker's instincts and determination in stealing in front of Gael Clichy to prod home James McArthur's skimming cross.

Elsewhere, a pair of comical errors from Lee Clattermole helped ensure there would be no more cheesy chips eaten on Wembley Way this season. Hull ambled to a third win of the campaign over the Mackems, to the evident delight of their ex-manager (and alleged Geordie) Ol' Cauliflower Face, during which their old boy David Meyler scored and celebrated by headbutting a corner flag in a light-hearted nod to his tete-a-tete with the Silver Fox last weekend. Steve Harper, sat on the Tigers' bench, is likely to have savoured the victory rather more than most.

Repeat offender

Perhaps we should let it go, but it was interesting to note that our old friend Callum McManaman had an eventful Saturday afternoon, getting himself sent off barely five minutes after coming on as a substitute. Wigan manager Owen Coyle was furious, complaining that the winger "clearly won the ball" - indeed he did, though he also took out the man (Bournemouth striker Brett Pitman) in the process of lunging in karate-style with both feet off the floor.

Anyone getting a sense of deja vu? Rewind exactly five months and Delusional Dave Whelan was claiming that the Scouser won the ball in his challenge on Massadio Haidara "clean as a whistle", despite the TV evidence showing the full horror of the assault on the Frenchman's leg. At the time, Whelan also protested that there was not "one ounce of malice" in McManaman. Pitman might well line up alongside Haidara and former Man City man Gai Assulin to argue otherwise...

Incidentally, Wigan were 1-0 down at the time of McManaman's dismissal and that ended up being the final score, the game's only goal coming from Lewis Grabban courtesy of a truly awful backpass from none other than Perchinho.

Pitch perfect for Perchinho

The Football League kicked off on Saturday, and Perchinho's Wigan debut couldn't have gone much better. Aided and abetted by a red card for Barnsley debutant Dale Jennings, the Latics romped to a 4-0 away win as they kicked off their bid for an immediate return to the top flight in fine style.

Danny Simpson's new side QPR have similar ambitions, and got off to their own winning start by beating Sheffield Wednesday 2-1. Simpson's old St James' Park colleague ASBO was partnered in central midfield by Karl Henry, the pair apparently nemeses no more following a kiss-and-make-up session shortly after the latter's arrival from Wolves.

Elsewhere in the Championship, Shane Ferguson couldn't prevent Birmingham from opening their campaign with a home defeat - though Blues do at least have the consolation of knowing they're unlikely to be the last side to be beaten on their own patch by most people's promotion favourites Watford. In the sole fixture yesterday, there was a familiar name on the scoresheet for Blackburn, first-half substitute Leon O'Best popping up with an 89th minute equaliser at Pride Park. Good to see him back playing again.

Further down the divisions, James Tavernier helped Shrewsbury keep a clean sheet at home to MK Dons, but it was a baptism of fire for Michael Richardson, whose Accrington Stanley side suffered a 4-1 spanking at League Two new boys Newport.

Closure - at last

Well done to the FA. In a belated fashion typical of the corpulent, flatulent old duffers, they've decided to close up the loophole in the disciplinary regulations that allowed Wigan's Callum McManaman to get away with last season's assault on Massadio Haidara, a loophole that led an incandescent Llambiarse to brand the rules "not fit for purpose". I suppose we should be grateful that they've chosen to act at all, but there's nothing like shutting the stable door once the horse has not so much bolted as completed the whole sodding race.

Gone fishing

The farewell to James Perch - who's signed for Wigan for a fee rumoured to be around £700,000 - is somewhat fonder than it might have been during his first season on Tyneside. The Nottingham-born player was mockingly nicknamed Perchinho in reference to his less than star quality - but, to the considerable surprise of both ourselves and the Forest fans who'd guffawed at our eagerness to take him off their hands, he gradually matured into a useful, committed utility player who loved a tackle on the pitch (whether at centre-back, full-back or in defensive midfield) and an amiable character who conducted himself well off it. Much like Antoine Sibierski before him, we warmed to him for showing an honest endeavour and determination to make the best of his ability - valuable and rare commodities to fans so often used to witnessing marquee signings fail to deliver on their promise and hype and simply go through the motions. All the best, Perchinho - to you if not your new club...

In stepping down to the Championship, Perchinho has followed in the footsteps of Danny Simpson, who - as had been expected - has opted to sign up and become part of 'Appy 'Arry's attempt to get QPR back into the top flight at the first time of asking. The player stats suggested was the best right-back in the Premier League as recently as April last year now finds himself in the capital, with all the temptations and distractions that holds for someone who didn't always keep his nose clean while in our employ. We'll watch with interest how 'Appy 'Arry's attempts to change the culture of unprofessionalism at the Hoops pans out...

Bring out the bunting, Wigan are down

Satisfying as it would have been to have seen the Mackems and their mentalist of a manager relegated, particularly in light of events on 14th April, it was never likely once Wigan lost at home to Swansea last week, and the newly crowned FA Cup winners' slide through the trapdoor was confirmed by last night's pummelling at Arsenal.

While the media will no doubt eulogise their silky football and plucky determination, you won't find anyone in Newcastle prepared to shed a tear - not after that succession of miserable away defeats early in their Premier League tenure, Delusional Dave Whelan's frequent pronouncements about our club and, of course, this season's extremely controversial defeat and Callum McManaman's unpunished assault on Massadio Haidara. Last night was all the sweeter for the fact that McManaman, man of the match in the FA Cup final, was stretchered off injured.

Enjoy life in the Championship (and in all likelihood without Roberto Martinez), Dave. We'll take Arouna Kone and Shaun Maloney off your hands, if you're offering.

The result also means that Arsenal's bid for Champions League qualification remains in their own hands ahead of their now televised trip to St James' Park on Sunday - they're one point ahead of Spurs and have a significantly better goal difference so only need to match their north London rivals' result. That said, given Spurs are at home to the Mackems we could still find the Gunners in the mood for a Liverpool-esque demolition job.

Explanation please

While Llambiarse blasted the FA's disciplinary procedures as "not fit for purpose" in the wake of the Callum McManaman incident, the Silver Fox has chosen to be somewhat more diplomatic in his comments on the English game's organising authority. Reacting to news of the length of Luis Suarez's ban, he's politely asked for clarification as to the rationale.

Not that he is disputing that the Uruguayan's ten-game sinbinning was justified (and neither should he - the striker's offence was unforgiveable and yet another blot on an already heavily blotted copybook); on the contrary, it's because there remains widespread bafflement at St James' Park about how McManaman's "tackle" - an incident that was hardly much less savoury and certainly much more dangerous and career-threatening - could have escaped any kind of retrospective punishment.

Setting aside the fact that calling for transparency from the FA has about as much chance of success as the Mackems making it into Europe, the FA would no doubt trot out that line about the officials having missed Suarez's chomp but witnessed McManaman's assault - which, of course, still doesn't justify issuing a ban for one incident rather than the other, but instead just underlines the perverse and arbitrary "logic" of the rules.

In any case, we can take comfort from Suarez's absence for tomorrow's encounter with Liverpool. They may not be a one-man team, but they're not far off it. It's up to us to capitalise and save our Premier League skins.

Quote of the day

"We owe Mrs Thatcher a minute's silence. ... It is not my decision, it is for the FA to decide, but I would be in favour of wearing an armband out of respect to Mrs Thatcher. We have to say thank you very much for the services the former PM has given us. ... Mrs Thatcher was a very, very special lady and a very special prime minister. After Winston Churchill, we have probably had two or three really good PMs and she was definitely one of those. I only met her once and I just thought she was a fantastic lady, the country could do with another lady, another PM who can do what she did. We shall sadly miss her."

Wigan chairman Dave Whelan continues to do his best to make himself the most unpopular man on Tyneside.

DW: disorderly wankers

So, at the end of a week dominated by a violent assault in Wigan, it's emerged that other mindless acts of violence and disorder took place that same day - before the match at the DW even kicked off (in both senses of the term). On this occasion, the perpetrators weren't Wigan players but Newcastle "supporters" (I use the word advisedly), who poured off coaches and disrupted a home fixture for local non-league outfit Wigan Cosmos which was taking place near to the ground. The club has since apologised for the incident, condemning those responsible and offering to reimburse the Cosmos for the damage.

Well done, you minority of morons. It's difficult if not impossible to continue occupying the moral high ground if you're being undermined by those on your own side.

FA rules not OK

For what it's worth, and if you really want to dwell on it any longer, here's the BBC's Gordon Farquhar to clarify why Callum McManaman escaped retrospective punishment for his assault on Massadio Haidara. It doesn't necessarily add anything, but does at least beg the question of what exactly does constitute "exceptional circumstances" and underline the fact that, as in the words of Llambiarse, the FA disciplinary process is indeed "not fit for purpose".

Don't look back? In anger

Yesterday afternoon simmering discontent became boiling fury as the FA announced that, contrary to expectations, Wigan's Callum McManaman would not be charged or banned for Sunday's potentially career-ending challenge on Massadio Haidara. As ludicrous as the decision sounds, it's been justified on the grounds that to do otherwise would be in contravention of the FA's own rules, which guard against "re-refereeing" matches after the final whistle: "Where one of the officials has seen a coming together of players, no retrospective action should be taken, regardless of whether he or she witnessed the full or particular nature of the challenge."

In this instance, "it has been confirmed that at least one of the match officials saw the coming together" (the linesman, as Mark Halsey had his view obstructed, regardless of whatever nonsense Dave Whelan and Roberto Martinez have been spouting), but it's the rest of the sentence is the most striking: "... though not the full extent of the challenge." If they had seen the "full extent" - as those watching at home did instantly - then they couldn't have failed to send the winger off. Players are punished retrospectively all the time, and just because the linesman happens to have seen the incident and unfathomably failed to flag doesn't diminish or detract from the seriousness of the offence. It's appalling that the Wigan player has essentially escaped a lengthy and thoroughly deserved ban purely on a technicality of the FA's own fabrication.

Understandably the club hierarchy are incandescent about this latest (non-)development. A ban may not have righted the original wrong, but it would at least have gone some way to dissipating the sense of injustice. Llambiarse was immediately on the warpath, declaring the FA's disciplinary process "not fit for purpose" and demanding urgent reforms. A completely appropriate and justified response, and yet one which you just know will turn out to be whistling in the wind - the chances of those fat, blazered buffoons putting in place sensible policy changes any time soon are zilch. I vote we set John Carver on them.

Llambiarse was rightly critical too of the fact that we learned of the decision second-hand, via the media rather than the FA themselves, and also took the opportunity to attack Delusional Dave Whelan for his preposterous claims that it was "a fair challenge".

Mirror journalist and friend of JFK Simon Bird has suggested that, depending on the severity of Haidara's injury (on which there's been no fresh update), we may look into the possibility of legal action. There is a precedent for it - indeed, we know that only too well, having had to settle out of court following a very nasty challenge from Kevin Nolan on Everton's Victor Anichebe. That said, Bird did also confidently predict that McManaman would be hit with a three-game ban, so it might be worth taking the claim with a smidgen of salt.

Anyway, now that the FA have officially sanctioned violent assault and grievous bodily harm, the Mackems would be well advised to watch their kneecaps ahead of next month's meeting at St James' Park. Perhaps we should keep Mr T chained up in a darkened room and fed on nothing but Stella until then...

Let's leave the final word to Little Big Lad, writing on Facebook: "I so hope Wigan go down."

Quote of the day

"I think the ball was in between them, they've both gone for it fairly and the follow through is where the collision is."

So says Dave Whelan, Wigan chairman and Jabba-hater.

If he's gone for it fairly, that makes it OK that he fairly went through his knee with all his studs showing, does it Dave?

You'd think a man whose own playing career was curtailed by a bad challenge would perhaps feel some empathy for Massadio Haidara, but no, Whelan goes on to say:

"When I broke my leg in the cup final it was exactly the same type of tackle,...We both went for the ball. It brought back memories. It ruined my career. I am not going to criticise Norman Deeley."

That's spelled D-E-E-L-E-Y, whom he has completely forgiven, but whom he is nonetheless happy to mention in an article talking about a tackle which took place at the weekend, not fifty years ago.

The reality is, it was a terrible tackle. 

It isn't a question of whether or not the referee or linesman should have seen it and sent the player off; the simple fact is that the player should not have made the tackle in the first place. That he either didn't appreciate what he was doing was dangerous, or he knew full well and did it anyway, is the point. Football is a contact sport and sometimes accidents happen, but to go through someone's knee with your studs up shows a staggering disregard for your fellow professional's well-being. Whether that was through stupidity or malice only Callum McManaman will know, but apologists like Whelan should frankly learn to keep their mouths shut.

Pain and no gain

Wigan 2 - 1 Newcastle Utd

The answer's no.

The question, in case you're wondering, is whether my seething resentment at the manner of yesterday's defeat to Wigan would fade given a bit of time.

Lapses and misjudgements by the officials cost us at least a point, and possibly even three, the incidents sufficiently controversial - and Callum McManaman's unpunished assault on Massadio Haidara sufficiently horrific - to elevate the match highlights to first place on Match Of The Day 2. It's worth noting, though, that beneath all the cries of injustice lies a sub-par performance against the side with the worst home record in the top four divisions.

As expected, Dreamboat was sidelined, replaced by Spidermag (who also inherited the captain's armband), but the Silver Fox was at least able to call upon Goofy and Mathieu Debuchy again. That said, the latter lasted only 13 minutes, during which he arguably looked our most potent forward threat, before tweaking his hamstring.

The same Latics XI that had comprehensively destroyed Everton in the FA Cup last week had picked up where they left off at Goodison Park, and it wasn't long before they had the lead. Debuchy's replacement Massadio Haidara was outpaced on the flank by Callum McManaman and when Davide Santon, switched to right-back in the reshuffle, fluffed his attempted clearance, Jean Beausejour had a simple chance which he tucked beyond Rob Elliot and Saylor on the line.

Could things get worse? Why yes they could. Haidara had only been on the pitch ten minutes when McManaman launched into a horrendous studs-up "tackle" that could have snapped the substitute's leg clean in half. In fairness to referee Mark Halsey, he had a Newcastle player running across his line of sight, but the linesman had no such excuse. A free kick was awarded, but only for the Wigan winger's subsequent deliberate handball. Neither offence was punished with a card of any colour, and while he'll face retrospective punishment in the form of a ban, that's of no consolation whatsoever to us or Haidara's knee.

And how we could have done with the deserved man advantage. The home side were neat and inventive in their passing, Shaun Maloney forcing Elliot into a sprawling save and only a desperate Spidermag lunge foiling James McCarthy after he'd burst through a non-existent central defence.

Saylor had headed powerfully straight at 'keeper Joel Robles from a Sylvain Marveaux corner prior to Debuchy's departure, but our only other opportunity came at the end of the first half when Papiss Cisse lashed wastefully over from close range when Haidara's replacement Perchinho was better placed. The fact that our highlight of the half was arguably a tidy bit of skill in midfield from Perchinho said it all.

By the time the half-time whistle came, the visiting bench had seen replays of the McManaman challenge and had had 25 minutes to stew over it. An apoplectic John Carver vented his fury at the culprit as he walked off the pitch, precipitating an almighty fracas involving coaching staff, stewards and police, Carver being restrained by Perchinho. Both he and his Latics counterpart Graham Barrow were sentenced to watching the second half from the stands.

The raw emotion, the sense of injustice and the fact that we were attacking the end populated by the magnificently vociferous away supporters spurred us into making a much improved start to the second period, applying pressure until Moussa Sissoko curled the ball wide of the far post. Marveaux began to exert a greater influence but we still looked vulnerable to Wigan's quick, fluid football, though, not least because Mr T was so busy concentrating on surrendering possession in dangerous areas that he forgot to pick up his customary booking. McManaman's continued presence on the pitch threatened to become an even sorer point, but MYM managed a vital block and he was withdrawn soon afterwards.

The full-back injuries had forced the Silver Fox's hand, so he had to use his one remaining substitution wisely - and he did. Big Lad was introduced together with a new system which saw us switch to three at the back, Santon pushing into midfield, and the change reaped almost immediate dividends. Loose play from the Latics allowed Cisse to flick a clever pass inside the full-back for the Italian, who steadied himself before finding the far corner for his long-awaited first Toon goal and thereby making amends for that earlier cock-up.

From that point there only really looked like being one winner, and Cisse came close to grabbing the decisive goal. Big Lad advanced onto a long ball before hitting a low early cross that our #9 toe-poked goalwards. Only Robles' foot kept it out, but typically the officials missed that and awarded a goal kick.

And then, of course, for the sucker punch. MYM's attempted clearance from a dangerous right-wing cross could have gone anywhere, but flew behind. The relief was short-lived, though, as an incredible melee from the ensuing corner ended with Arouna Kone lashing into the roof of the net from a yard out. After our late, late winners in the last two matches, we should have been well aware of the need to play right to the final whistle - but it certainly didn't help when the officials again failed to spot a blatant infringement, this time a handball flick-on by Maynor Figueroa to set up the scrum from which Kone scored.

The Silver Fox somehow maintained his dignity in his post-match comments, but you suspect (hope, perhaps) that Carver took out his frustrations on the away dressing room. The result ate into the cushion between us and the relegation zone, narrowing it to six points - not what we wanted when our next fixture is away to a Man City side who'll be desperate not to allow their cross-city rivals' coronation as champions to become a mathematical certainty. As for the Latics, the DW Stadium is arguably our unhappiest hunting ground in the Premier League and so from our perspective - and despite all the plaudits they're due for their attractive football and Roberto Martinez's managerial alchemy - the sooner they're relegated the better.

A Wigan fan's perspective: Jesus Was A Wiganer

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Bigi break

Newcastle Utd 3 - 0 Wigan

After four straight league defeats a brace from Demba Ba and a third goal from Master T stopped the rot - though arguably less convincingly than the scoreline would suggest and not without further injury concerns, the season's two best performers Ba and Davide Santon both limping off.

Our midweek trip to Stoke might have had a depressing conclusion, but for the most part the display was far better than in recent weeks, so it was little surprise that the Silver Fox's starting line-up for the visit of the Latics saw just one change - an attacking one, with Sylvain Marveaux in for the suspended Perchinho.

Mr T had a long-range pot shot soon after kick-off, but it was Roberto Martinez's compact, neat side who impressed in the early stages. The game's crucial incident knocked them out of their stride on 12 minutes, though. A swift and incisive move involving all-action midfielder Vurnon Anita saw Ba thread a pass through to Papiss Cisse, who was bundled off the ball untidily by Maynor Figueroa. Having rightly ruled it a penalty, referee Mike Jones had little option but to send the Honduran defender for a very early bath, and Ba converted coolly with a minimal run-up.

Better was to follow when defender Santon showed his ability in the opposing half, cutting inside and unleashing a venomous drive that Ali Al-Habsi could only flap onto the foot of the predatory Ba. His tenth league goal of the season takes him joint top of the scoring charts.

Further good news arrived two minutes later, it seemed, with Martinez withdrawing in-form Jordi Gomez (scorer of an impressive hat-trick from midfield against Reading) for James McArthur. The latter, though, steadied the rocking ship, and we were frustrated in our attempts to push on for a rout that would have given a significant boost to our goal difference, restricted to a couple more long-rangers from Mr T.

Wigan were actually playing the smarter football, even with ten men, and while Jean Beausejour, whose crosses were so dangerous against the Royals, was kept quiet in his deeper role, on the other flank energetic Dutchman Ronnie Stam was proving a persistent nuisance. However, their challenge should have been made all the harder by the dismissal of captain and former Toon man Gary Caldwell, leniently excused a second yellow card for a lunge on Cisse.

He was astutely replaced at half-time, as was Mr T (tight hamstring, apparently). The latter's replacement Master T was to have a significant impact, but for much of the second half little seemed to have changed. Wigan remained dogged without the ball and tidy with it, Arouna Kone pulling Sideshow Bob and Mike Williamson around (despite creating no chances of note), while Stam continued to steam down the right with unnerving regularity.

Wild thrashes into the stands from Ba and Cisse aside, our best openings came on the two occasions that Marveaux was apparently possessed with the spirit of the absent HBA. On the first occasion a darting dribble ended with a shot prodded too close to Al-Habsi; on the second a longer, mazier run resulted in a pass to an onrushing Master T, whose blast was dealt with poorly by Al-Habsi only for Cisse to attempt a ludicrous backheel when a simple lay-off to the unmarked Ba would have been a far more sensible option.

The clinching goal, when it arrived, came from a most unlikely source. Master T touched the ball to his left before walloping a splendid left-foot shot into the top corner of Al-Habsi's net. A fine way for the teenager to register his first for the club.

Thereafter Wigan finally looked like a beaten side, and Fergie - on for the injured Santon - had the measure of Stam, the Dutchman at last pressed back towards his own goal. Cisse should really have added to the scoreline but was guilty of snatching at opportunities or characteristically straying offside.

When Little Big Lad entered the fray, it was a surprise to see Spidermag making way - at that stage, with the score at 3-0, I'd have thought it would make more sense to bring off Ba to protect our main goalscoring threat. Let's hope that decision isn't something the Silver Fox lives to regret - his exit five minutes from time evened up the numbers.

A must-win game that we did win, then, and by a healthy margin - but it came at a cost, and much sterner tests lie ahead.

A Wigan fan's perspective: Jesus Was A Wiganer

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Know Your Enemies 2012/3: Part 2

Time for the second instalment of our look at the teams we'll be facing this coming season...

QPR

"There is no way we will be in this situation again in my time here". So said Mark Hughes in the wake of QPR's final-day escape from relegation, and their feverish transfer activity over the summer certainly bears out that determination. No doubt nettled by the fact that they had been promoted as champions and yet saw their Championship inferiors Norwich and Swansea both survive in comfort and no little style, the West Londoners have gone into recruitment overdrive. Astute acquisitions are everywhere. Mark Hughes returned to his old stomping ground Old Trafford to pick up the crumbs from Taggart's table (the ever-reliable and hard-working Ji-Sung Park and loanee Fabio) and was a key factor in persuading Blackburn's much sought-after out-of-contract Junior Hoilett to sign. Samba Diakite is a significant upgrade on Shaun Derry, while in Djibril Cisse, Bobby Zamora and Andrew Johnson they've assembled a trio of strikers who, though all the wrong side of thirty, certainly know how to find the net in the top flight.

This coming season Hughes has every right to expect much more from two of his flair players, Adel Taarabt and Shaun Wright-Phillips, but also has the managerial migraine that is ASBO to contend with, our old boy beginning the campaign banned, fined and stripped of the captaincy for his misdemeanours in that sensational game at the Etihad. If there's a worry for the club as a whole, it's hubris - they may be in danger of overreaching and overstretching themselves in pursuit of success. Just ask Portsmouth how that can pan out.

Reading

I'd imagine it feels pretty good to be a Reading fan right now. Having hit form at exactly the right time and surfed the wave to secure the Championship title, the Royals are now returning to the Premier League under new ownership, with the promise of significant investment that that entails, albeit in a stadium still bearing the former owner's name. The team's achievements have been accomplished under the calm, methodical stewardship of Brian McDermott, an excellent example of the value of old Liverpool strategy of promoting from within.

McDermott's greatest transfer coup has been to persuade Pavel Pogrebnyak that, despite a fruitful loan spell with Fulham, his future lies in Berkshire. His was the marquee signing that served as a statement of intent, but Reading have also been canny in recruiting less flashy reinforcements across the back line in the form of Chris Gunter, Adrian Mariappa and former Royal Nicky Shorey, while Danny Guthrie will add experience (if not class and dining etiquette) to the midfield. However, it's doubtful that some of their most impressive Championship performers will be as effective at the higher level. Jimmy Kebe, for instance, will find life much tougher faced with Premier League full-backs. Adam Le Fondre, meanwhile, is a throwback to the days of predatory fox-in-the-box poachers, when the modern Premier League striker needs to be a much more complete footballer.

Southampton

How things change. In autumn 2008 Portsmouth were taking on and nearly beating AC Milan in Europe, while south coast rivals Southampton ended the season in administration and relegated to League One. Fast forward three years and, while Pompey are in League One without a single senior player on their books and the threat of liquidation hanging over them, the Saints are back in the big time. If they can get beyond the Schadenfreude and start looking for inspiration, then Norwich are proof positive that survival after two consecutive promotions is possible. Star striker Rickie Lambert will no doubt have noted Grant Holt's success at bullying and breaching Premier League defences while the more celebrated likes of Rocky floundered.

Lambert's strike partner is likely to be former Burnley man Jay Rodriguez, for whom Southampton perhaps unwisely smashed their record transfer fee. Throw Billy Sharp, another Championship stalwart, into the mix and it's clear that the Saints are taking a considerable gamble on goalscorers unproven in the Premier League. They've done well to snap up highly-rated Palace youngster Nathaniel Clyne, and already boast the talented Adam Lallana and Team GB representative Jack Cork in midfield, but question marks hang over their strength in depth. It'll be interesting to see whether manager Nigel Adkins can keep up his Mr Nice Guy persona in the face of the stresses, strains and psychological mind games he'll endure in the top flight. It might not be long before he's missing his Football League Show banter with Mark "Clem" Clemmit - and there's a chance they might get to resume their pally encounters in a year's time.

Stoke

If you're looking for subtlety, finesse and grace and find yourself at the Britannia Stadium, then either you need to invest in a new satnav or you've arrived on false pretences - Jonathan Woodgate was let go earlier this summer. Even when Stoke scored a contender for goal of the season (as Peter Crouch's effort against Man City was, until Papiss Cisse took aim against Chelsea), it's notable that the ball never touched the ground from the 'keeper's kick to hitting the back of the net. Yes, the Potters have a system and they're sticking to it - unsurprisingly, given that it's proven brutally effective for four successive seasons now and enabled them to survive and flourish despite minimal financial outlay. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" seems to be the club's motto - though things do often break when they're around, namely noses...

Last summer Crouch replaced Kenwyne Jones as the large of Stoke's little-and-large strike partnership, and Tony Pulis is now looking to upgrade on the little, eager to land Little Saint Mick as an improvement on Jonathan Walters. The baseball-capped Welshman is nothing if not pragmatic, having responded to the hefty price tag Wolves hung around Matt Jarvis' neck by promptly signing fellow winger Michael Kightly instead. The good news for Stoke's opponents is that bogeyman Rory Delap is nearing the end of his career; the bad news is that his protege Ryan Shotton is developing his own version of the Irishman's fabled throw-in, capable of causing as much panic in defences as the sight of salad in a kebab does in Sunderland.

Sunderland

Speak of the devils. The Mackems seem to have been having great trouble attracting players to the Dark Place. Funny, that. Most pressing was a new striker - Niklas Bendtner has returned to Arsenal and Asamoah Gyan has sealed his escape, while of those left Stephane Sessegnon couldn't make it into double figures last season, Connor Wickham has failed to live up to even the most modest expectations and Fraizer Campbell is far more familiar with the physio than he is with his teammates. Little wonder, then, that they were so desperate to sweet-talk free agent Louis Saha into joining and remain keen on snaring Wolves' Steven Fletcher. To date, their only other new signing has been Carlos Cuellar, another past-his-best defender to keep Wes Brown and John O'Shea company.

Nevertheless, there remains some hope even for these most hopeless of wretches. Sunderland are strongest on the flanks, where Sebastian Larsson provides Beckham-esque delivery and recently unearthed talent James McClean offers energy and penetration, and in Martin O'Neill they're undeservedly blessed with a potential saviour. How long before he acknowledges that having Lee Cattermole - a player who makes ASBO look like a tranquillised Buddhist - as captain is a car crash just waiting to happen?

Swansea

Through the tenures of Roberto Martinez, Paulo Sousa and Brendan Rodgers, Swansea have developed a footballing philosophy that is the complete antithesis of Stoke's, and the new man charged with its exposition is Michael Laudrup. The Dane has called upon his connections in pursuing a transfer policy that has seemed largely focused on players with single names who either sound like Pokemon characters (Michu) or conjure up deeply unpleasant repressed memories of X Factor contestants (Chico). One exception is Dutch midfielder Jonathan De Guzman, borrowed from Villareal and set to make a big impression at the Liberty Stadium.

As a former winger himself, Laudrup will presumably be keen to ensure the Swans continue to use pacy wide men Scott Sinclair, Nathan Dyer and Wayne Routledge to their best advantage. He's no doubt less than enamoured of his predecessor's attempts to lure his best players to Liverpool - Joe Allen has already left, and Rodgers is rumoured to be lining up a bid to take Ashley Williams to Anfield too. Together with Angel Rangel, Neil Taylor and Spurs loanee Steven Caulker, Williams was critical in creating the circumstances in which Swansea's rightly lauded total football could thrive last season - if Laudrup and chairman Huw Jenkins allow that supporting wall to be removed, the whole edifice might collapse.

Spurs

How very typical that Spurs should trounce us 5-0 immediately before embarking on a catastrophic run of form that ultimately deprived them of Champions League qualification and cost 'Appy 'Arry his job. That resulted in Andre Villas-Boas being granted a second crack of the Premier League whip, and he was soon at loggerheads with Luka Modric, the Croatian the subject of intense transfer speculation for the second successive summer and someone who Chelsea, under the Portuguese, were eager to recruit. Thus far Spurs have just about won the battle, as they have with Gareth Bale, but Modric now looks increasingly likely to be lining up for Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid.

In between trying to fight off unwanted attention for the pair, Daniel Levy has spent much of the summer wrangling with Emmanuel Adebayor and his representatives, still unable to agree personal terms on a deal for the man who spearheaded the attack last term. Jermain Defoe might be itching for more regular first-team football, but without Adebayor (or a suitable alternative) Spurs look woefully short-staffed up front. On a more positive note, Belgian centre-back Jan Vertonghen is an excellent addition, especially in light of Ledley King's retirement, and may perhaps be partnered by Steven Caulker, who's on the cusp of a major breakthrough. Gylfi Sigurdsson, fresh from making a huge impact on loan at Swansea, has chosen Spurs over Liverpool and bolsters an already impressive midfield in which Sandro continues to look more assured. Factor in Kyle Walker, arguably the best right-back in the division at present, and Rafael van der Vaart, desperate to put the Netherlands' dismal performance at Euro 2012 behind him, and Spurs have the potential to mount a reasonable title challenge - assuming they aren't fed any dodgy lasagne, that is.

West Brom

Though 'Arry had looked odds-on to land the England job, it eventually went to Roy Hodgson, leaving West Brom seeking a replacement. They found one in the form of Steve Clarke, once of this parish and until recently Kenny Dalglish's number two, who followed Hodgson's footsteps from Anfield to the Hawthorns via a brief period of unemployment. Whether he is able to make himself comfortable or barely has time to singe his buttocks on the managerial hotseat depends partly on the success of his signings.

A primary objective appears to have been to beef up the front line, with disgruntled Chelsea youth Romelu Lukaku and experienced Swedish marksman Markus Rosenberg set to give the likes of Peter Odemwingie and Shane Long serious competition. Midfield recruits Claudio Yacob and Yassine El Ghanassy are a more unknown quantity, while Ben Foster has now swapped Birmingham for the Black Country on a permanent basis. However, it's largely players like Chris Brunt and Jonas Olsson, unheralded by many other than Baggies supporters, who have been instrumental in the club's survival - and may well be again.

West Ham

When West Ham clinched an immediate return to the top tier through the play-offs, the overriding emotion was probably one of relief. Had the Hammers not squeaked through against Blackpool, their retention of players on Premier League wages and riskily substantial January expenditure might well have resulted in financial meltdown. The crucial goal that day was scored by Ricardo Vaz Te, a mid-season recruit finally coming good on the early promise he showed at Bolton. Fat Sam doesn't seem to have much faith in his other strikers Carlton Cole, Nicky Maynard and Sam Baldock, having taken the gamble we weren't prepared to take on Modibo Maiga and expressing unrequited love for Rocky.

QPR's acquisition of Robert Green led to the purchase of not one but two new 'keepers, veteran Jussi Jaaskelainen and Stephen Henderson both happy to be offered escape routes from relegated Bolton and Portsmouth respectively. Fat Sam's sides are rarely a soft touch - usually quite the opposite - and the addition of Mohamed Diame and Alou Diarra to the midfield should ensure that the Hammers are combative where it matters most. Mark Noble and James Tomkins are both a year older and wiser, and, with our former skipper Kevin Nolan adept at the art of popping up unexpectedly in the six-yard area like a mole with an unerring sense of timing, Upton Park probably won't be playing host to Championship football for at least another year.

Wigan

Just what is it that's keeping Roberto Martinez at Wigan? Surely it can't be the prospect of yet another season of struggle, working alchemical magic to turn base metals like Franco di Santo into something with at least the occasional lustre of gold? Maybe Dave Whelan shackles the Spaniard in his cellar every May. With attractive vacancies aplenty in the Premier League this summer (Liverpool, Spurs, Villa), it's remarkable that one of the division's shrewdest and most likeable managers will once again begin the season in the DW dugout.

Survival last season was secured without the assistance of Hugo Rodallega, the contract rebel frozen out of the first team (potentially a classic case of cutting off your nose to spite your face) and now at Fulham. His replacement is Arouna Kone, fresh from a productive loan spell at Levante. The Ivorian striker might not be the most loyal of players, though - he'd only inked a permanent deal with the Spaniish outfit in May... Martinez has also looked to La Liga to stiffen up his defence, stealing Real Mallorca's Ivan Ramis from under Fat Sam's snout, while (thus far successfully) fending off Chelsea's menacing approach for midfield gem Victor Moses. Given the Latics' extraordinary ability to scrape to safety against all the odds, only a fool would predict relegation - so allow me to do the honours.

All good things...

Wigan Athletic 4 – 0 Newcastle Utd

And so, it came to pass, that on the 28^th day of the 4^th month Newcastle did get thoroughly pasted by Wigan.

Put simply, we didn’t turn up for the first 45 minutes and against a Wigan side in the form of their collective lives, playing slick passing football, that meant we were spectacularly put to the sword.

Almost everyone had an off-day, from Papiss Cisse seeing shots ricochet off post and bar in the second half, which last week might have inched just inside the goal, to our entire defence, who simply couldn’t cope with the Wigan onslaught – spearheaded by a brilliant performance by Victor Moses. Moses it was who scored the first two of Wigan’s goals, outmuscling Mike Williamson to win a header and then stroking home a loose ball after a Sideshow Bob block.

Put simply, Wigan wanted it more. They were quicker to every ball and we allowed them an excess of liberty as demonstrated when Shaun Maloney was allowed to run free to sweep home Wigan’s third and Franco di Santo given far too much time by Mr T before chipping home Wigan’s fourth just before half-time.

The Silver Fox tried to energise the team from the sidelines, switching to five at the back at one stage in the first half, to try and better match Wigan’s 3-4-3 formation, but to no avail.

The second half saw us at least match the hosts, with Cisse twice unlucky and HBA creating one glorious opportunity through quick feet only to shoot wide with his right foot. Wigan might have been reduced to ten men, only for referee Mike Dean to bottle out of giving a straight red to James McCarthy for a bad foul on Demba Ba and also refuse to give a second yellow card to Antolin Alcaraz for a deliberate handball with the player already booked, but to be frank we didn’t deserve anything from this game and Wigan themselves might have scored more but for a fine save by Krul and a goal-line clearance from Sideshow Bob.

With Chelski and Spurs winning, and Arsenal only managing a draw away to Stoke, the race for the Champions League has tightened up. Hopefully, this defeat will prove to be a kick up the backside to galvanise us to raise our game for the final three fixtures and battle all the way to the line.

There were a lot of Toon fans who were grumbling about the manner of the defeat on Saturday, and while it was disappointing that we had an off-day, let’s just remember that we’re guaranteed a top six finish and place in Europe next season, and we could still qualify for the Champions League. 

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Way (Cab)aye man!

Newcastle Utd 1 - 0 Wigan

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Dave! An otherwise undistinguished display was illuminated by a splendid late Yohan Cabaye goal which proved enough to secure us a rather fortuitous victory and send Whelan's Wigan to their sixth successive Premier League defeat. Dave would for once not be deluded in claiming that his side deserved a point - but that classy finish from the Frenchman nicknamed Dreamboat on Twitter was worthy of winning any game.

Alan Pardew's starting XI was unchanged for the fifth successive match, Cabaye being one of eight ever-presents. Eyebrows were only raised with the substitutes selected, Peter Lovenkrands and Dan Gosling replaced by Alan Smith and James Perch, the latter recently a loan target for Derby but apparently still part of Pardew's plans as long as Mike Williamson remains on the injured list.

What we boast in terms of form and confidence Wigan most definitely lack, so it was perhaps inevitable that we started out in casual and complacent fashion. Tim Krul was forced into a quite superb save to push Victor Moses' deflected volley onto the roof of the net and the dangerous Hugo Rodallega blasted wide when bearing down on goal, before being the recipient of a hefty challenge from Cabaye that earned our ultimate hero a booking.

When we did wake up, it was a gradual process, with a leisurely stretch and yawn, rather than by leaping up and into action, no alarm clock alerting us to it being a workday. Neat interplay between Raylor and Spidermag on the left resulted in the Argentine standing a beautifully flighted cross up to Leon O'Best, whose header was well beaten out by Ali Al Habsi. Saylor also went close, powering a header wide from a corner.

Pardew had what he referred to as "a little chat" with the players at the interval - not quite the stirring oratory of half-time in February's meeting with Arsenal, you'd imagine, but certainly enough to urge them into a hungrier and more purposeful second-half performance.

Key to that was the replacement of O'Best by HBA, who posed a different problem for Wigan's defence, dropping deeper to draw out defenders and seeking to take them on through the middle rather than always relying on service from the flanks. Even then, though, more possession, a few blocked shots and a flicked header from Ba that Al Habsi gratefully grabbed on the line were all we had to show for it - and Columbian Rodallega had again gone close, rippling Krul's side netting.

Pardew responded to the continued stalemate by replacing Ba, significantly less effective than in recent weeks, with Big Lad and Obertan Kenobe, surely in line to be dropped, with Sylvain Marveaux. The stage was set for Big Lad to repeat last weekend's trick, but it was actually Marveaux who had the bigger impact. He'd only been on the pitch for five minutes when his neat lay-off to the edge of the area was dispatched into Al Habsi's top corner by Cabaye. Desperately unlucky not to score against Villa last month, he richly deserved his first goal for the club.

Even then, Wigan could have scored, Saylor losing Mohamed Diame from a set-piece, but thankfully for us the French midfielder couldn't quite direct his header on target.

A decidedly scruffy win, then, and one (in Pardew's words) that was more "flat bitter" than "champagne football". But then I rather like bitter, I like clean sheets (and our defensive play being lauded by Messrs Hansen and Lawrenson on Match Of The Day) and I certainly like seeing us now level on points with Chelsea and five points clear of our closest challengers, fifth-placed Liverpool. Those who once again point to the quality of the opposition would do well to remember that this wasn't a fixture we won last season, or the season we were relegated.

A Wigan fan's verdict: Jesus Was A Wiganer (live Twitter updates)

Other reports: BBC, Guardian (in which TBW spots a red card offence by O'Best that no one else saw...)

The only way is up neither up nor down

Could talk of the all-important 40-point mark, "relegation six-pointers" and "squeaky bum time" become a thing of the past? It might if certain unnamed foreign owners of Premier League clubs have their way.

Without the possibility of promotion or the threat of relegation, the game would be immeasurably poorer - no excitement, no sense of uncertainty, no point. But, as ludicrous as the idea of doing away with them might sound, that's already the situation in Scotland, where there's no straightforward route from the regional leagues up into the national leagues and vice versa. A friend of mine supports Forres Mechanics, who were founder members of the Highland Football League in 1893 and have been stuck there ever since, managing to win the title just once in all that time. How the fans are able to sum up any interest or enthusiasm is completely beyond me.

Even those for whom we have precious little time have been voicing their opposition to the potential proposal. Taggart lambasted it as "suicide" and 'Appy 'Arry labelled it "scandalous". Grudging credit where it's due, but even Deluded Dave has branded it as "the most stupid suggestion I've ever heard in my life" - a more significant stance than those of Taggart and 'Appy 'Arry simply because the Premier League becoming a closed shop would be to Wigan's benefit. (The Latics owner actually threatened to withdraw his club from the league if the idea became reality - as things stand, Saturday's visitors to St James' Park could be waving the Premier League farewell regardless...)

Of course, it's tempting to speculate who might be behind the suggestion. Not hard to imagine that Blackburn owners Venkys might be guilty of fowl play, given that it would keep their dead men walking in the division. I wouldn't put it past Liverpool either, American owner John Henry being used to the franchise system in the US and managing director Ian Ayre having voiced a much-publicised disregard for what's fair in pursuit of narrow self-interest.*

Thankfully, even if there was some momentum behind the proposal, the FA would apparently retain the right to veto it. So they might yet prove their worth after all...

(* Incidentally, here's True Faith's eloquent commentary on Ayre's remarks.)

Update

Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore has dismissed the suggestion as "ridiculous", claiming that no owners have actually declared their support for it - and indeed Blackburn and Liverpool are among those who've come out to announce they're satisfied with the current system. A storm in a teacup, then, it seems, and one that leaves League Managers' Association chief Richard Bevan (who made the initial comments) looking a little bit foolish.

Still, it's interesting that Man City and the Mackems refused to comment on the issue, and Arsenal actually announced they "did not have a stance". Surely you're either for the status quo or you want change?

Have you ever seen a Latic in Milan?

Another day, another thinly veiled jibe from Deluded Dave Whelan. Responding to Liverpool managing director Ian Ayre's controversial appeal for the right for Premier League clubs to be able to negotiate their own overseas TV deals, the Wigan chairman said: "What we have is the finest league in the whole world and what Liverpool are calling for would absolutely wreck it. The likes of Wigan, Bolton, Blackburn, Wolves, Sunderland and Newcastle couldn't compete". Whelan's attempt to equate his tinpot club and ours in terms of overseas fanbase and interest is laughable. Were Ayre to get his way, we'd be in a far more secure position than Wigan.

An incensed Whelan declared: "It is absolutely scandalous. It would kill Wigan Athletic. It would kill Blackburn". Dave, while I agree with the sentiment (any change to the rules would plough up any residual notion of a level playing field), statements like that do a good job of convincing me that Ayre might be on to something after all...