James knocks Man City off their Perch again

Congratulations to Perchinho, scorer of what proved to be the winning goal as FA Cup holders Wigan beat Man City yesterday - a result no less improbable for the fact that City were also the fall guys when the Latics lifted the trophy back in May. The defender who became a cult hero on Tyneside isn't exactly noted for his goalscoring exploits, having found the back of the net just once for us (albeit against Man Utd at Old Trafford), but showed a striker's instincts and determination in stealing in front of Gael Clichy to prod home James McArthur's skimming cross.

Elsewhere, a pair of comical errors from Lee Clattermole helped ensure there would be no more cheesy chips eaten on Wembley Way this season. Hull ambled to a third win of the campaign over the Mackems, to the evident delight of their ex-manager (and alleged Geordie) Ol' Cauliflower Face, during which their old boy David Meyler scored and celebrated by headbutting a corner flag in a light-hearted nod to his tete-a-tete with the Silver Fox last weekend. Steve Harper, sat on the Tigers' bench, is likely to have savoured the victory rather more than most.

Quote of the day

"Went to London for dinner. Wish I hadn't. Scumbag football hooligans turn Covent Garden into a disgusting Cesspit"

Robert Halfon, MP for Harlow, takes to Twitter to comment on Sunderland supporters enjoying themselves in the capital ahead of this afternoon's League Cup final.

Much as we like to mock the Mackems, on this occasion we're firmly in their camp. Post-Hillsborough verdict, you'd have thought Tory MPs would be rather more reticent to use such inflammatory language - though, as the FSF are keen to point out, football supporters continue to be demonised in certain quarters. In any case, as numerous people have pointed out on Twitter, there was much more littering and mess as a result of the celebrations surrounding William and Kate's wedding and the Jubilee, as well as every year after New Year's Eve and Ascot - presumably that put Mr Halfon off his supper too...

Derby despair - again

Newcastle Utd 0 - 3 Sunderland

Well, quite frankly, this is getting ridiculous. For the third derby fixture in a row, we faced inferior Mackem opposition only to play abysmally and slide to a deserved defeat. How, in a season in which we've outplayed Chelsea and won at Old Trafford, did we once again manage to lose so comprehensively to that shower of shite? It was 1st February, not 1st April, after all.

After the previous two meetings it was obvious we owed them one, and needed to channel the spirit of that famous 5-1 drubbing in October 2010. Two players did just that - unfortunately for us, though, Rocky and Kevin Nolan were turning out for West Ham in the day's other 12.45 kick-off when they twice combined for goals. At St James' Park, by contrast, we succeeded only in channelling the spirit of April 2013's 0-3 embarrassment - the only difference being that Gus Poyet refrained from doing a Di Canio-esque knee slide in celebration.

One imagines Sir Bobby Robson looking down and shaking his fist in the direction of the man he branded "the scourge of Newcastle", but the visitors' ranks were stuffed with bogeymen: Fabio Borini, who scores every time he plays us; Tynesider Jack Colback; former Newcastle Centre of Excellence attendee Adam Johnson; debutant Liam Bridcutt, who was integral in helping Poyet's Brighton knock us out of the FA Cup in two consecutive seasons. All made vital contributions to our defeat, though in truth we shouldn't shirk from the fact that for the most part we were our own worst enemies.

The appeal against Loic Remy's red card having failed, Big Lad was drafted in to lead the attack in an otherwise unchanged team, meaning a 4-3-3 formation and Little Big Lad retaining his starting place. The Mackem Slayer's young apprentice proved to be one of our very few semi-bright sparks in the first half, combining well with Moussa Sissoko on occasion but with no overall end product.

A half-chance had been spurned by Mathieu Debuchy before on-loan left-back Marcos Alonso gave us a timely warning with an unmarked header over the crossbar from a whipped Johnson free-kick. Sadly it wasn't a warning we heeded, Mini V's clumsy challenge on a marauding Phil Bardsley giving Borini the chance to score from the spot - a chance he seized with style. We'd hardly got over that shock when the situation got even stickier. Dozy Alti-Can't-Hit-A-Barn-Door produced an exquisite flick (a fluke, surely) to release Colback, and when his shot deflected off Saylor and Tim Krul tipped away, the rebound was buried by Johnson, grateful to Davide Santon for a lack of awareness.

It says much about our first-half performance that captain-for-the-day Mr T (total Toon goals: 1) was having most of our efforts on goal, as any attempts to get back into the game were blighted by poor crossing and decision-making, and HBA was struggling in the Dreamboat role. A last-ditch clearance to deny Debuchy was about as close as we came to reducing the deficit before the break.

The Silver Fox's half-time changes - the introduction of new boy Luuk de Jong in place of Little Big Lad, and a switch to 4-4-2 - signalled an acceptance that his tactics had been hopelessly exposed in the first period, when we were regularly overrun in midfield. The change of formation made a positive difference, even if de Jong didn't, looking off the pace and too often easily dispossessed. (It reminded me, worryingly, of Stephane Guivarc'h's debut when we were thrashed by Liverpool - though at least on that occasion the debutant striker scored.)

Vito Mannone made a fine save when Mr T finally got an effort on target and with power, but it was de Jong's strike partner Big Lad who had our three best chances. First he flashed a header wide from a set-piece; then he saw an improvised shot saved following an excellent long ball from Krul; and finally he sent another header goalwards only for Borini to clear off the line.

Though this implies correctly that we were applying considerable pressure to the 5under1and rearguard, the visitors remained dangerous on the break and indeed could well have extended their lead sooner than they did. Johnson's trickery dazzled a clutch of home defenders before he curled a shot off Krul's far post, and then the Dutchman pulled off an impressive interception when Alti-Can't-Hit-A-Barn-Door tried to round him.

In that instance it was Mr T who had cheaply surrendered possession in a dangerous area, but when the killer third came, it was HBA who was culpable, collapsing to the turf and appealing in vain to referee Phil Dowd while the Mackems played on. Borini slipped Colback in and his left-footed shot arrowed into the top corner.

That goal ensured the Mackems recorded three successive derby victories for the first time in 91 years - and our embarrassment wasn't even brought to a merciful close by the final whistle, as a smattering of youths calling themselves supporters decided to disrespect the joint message about having a derby to be proud of by lobbing glass bottles at police in the Bigg Market.

After the match, the Silver Fox - visibly shellshocked by events and the barracking he'd received from supporters - talked about "taking stock" and "going back to basics", adding: "We have to remember where we are in the league and what got us there". That would be fine if "what got us there" wasn't the goals of Remy, Dreamboat and Goofy, none of whom are available to us at present for a variety of reasons. Since putting five past Stoke on Boxing Day, we've failed to find the net in five of six league matches. Against the Mackems, we contrived to have no fewer than 28 attempts on goal and yet never really looked like scoring.

The Silver Fox may have got it horribly wrong tactically, but doesn't deserve all the flak and ire - the players must take their share, as must an owner more concerned with lining his own pocket than the club's future and a director of football who is yet to make a single permanent signing and who failed to replace Dreamboat despite admitting his January departure had been agreed months earlier. Those fans who publicly threw away their season ticket books were, I suspect, protesting about the way the club is being run off the pitch as well as a third humiliation by the Mackems on it. Pundits who talk about retaining a sense of perspective and point to our healthy league position - we're still eighth - ignore the fact that this is papering over a multitude of cracks.

Bear with me, though, as I try to end with some positives:

1. We've discovered the whereabouts of Sylvain Marveaux, who came on as a sub. Presumably he had been down the back of the Silver Fox's sofa all along.

2. De Jong wasn't injured on his debut (or indeed in a training session immediately before joining the club).

3. Due to their association with this debacle, we'll hopefully never see the Wonga clapperboards again.

4. It may have been the away fans celebrating, but at least we didn't have to go back to the Dark Place after the game.

5. Last time we were beaten by the Mackems, it was the catalyst for a superb November during which we recorded notable victories over Chelsea and Spurs. Next up for us are the return fixtures against both, so here's hoping this defeat has the same effect.

6. At least we're not Leeds.

A Mackem fan's perspective: Roker Report

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Sweet FA once again

Well, that was a waste of time: imagining the FA might make a sensible decision for once.

The Silver Fox had ruled out appealing against Loic Remy's dismissal at Carrow Road immediately after the match, but, perhaps aware of our striker shortage in the cold light of day, we performed a U-turn and decided to seek clemency from the authorities. No such luck.

That in itself is arguably unsurprising - Remy did make a forward motion with his head, even if Bradley Johnson made a mountain out of a molehill and even if Swansea's Jonjo Shelvey escaped punishment for a more violent head movement in confrontation with Mathieu Debuchy in December.

What is staggering, though, is that they saw fit to rescind Johnson's red card on appeal. Not only was the Norwich midfielder the initial aggressor in the incident, he was as guilty of raising his hands to an opponent as Remy was.

The upshot of the debacle is that if there do turn out to be any fireworks on the pitch during the derby, Remy won't be involved. Hopefully there shouldn't be any fireworks in the stands either, though Mackem chief executive Margaret Byrne's attempt to get the message across in the programme for last night's match against Stoke was somewhat undermined by an unfortunate typo: "We have also been asked by the FA to remind all supporters about the dangers of flares and polytechnics." Presumably she went on to remind all supporters about the dangers of polyunsaturates, polyester and Polly Toynbee too...

Quote of the day

"We can keep the passion, but lose the poison. Let's make this a derby to be proud of."

The conclusion of a joint statement from both sides of the Newcastle v Mackems divide, issued via the Football Supporters' Federation. Hear hear.

Emergency measures

"Drunken United fan calls 999 and demands to speak to Fergie after cup defeat". On the one hand, this bloke's actions were clearly ridiculous - some of us have had to get used to years of crushingly disappointing cup exits, and usually at an earlier stage than the semi-final. On the other hand, missing four out of five penalties and losing to the Mackems is indeed criminal, so perhaps dialling 999 was justified...

As nice as it is to witness Man Utd's continuing fall from grace, it's irritating that the Mackems had to be the most recent beneficiaries. Still, at least they'll get their comeuppance at Wembley - assuming the real Man City turn up, that is, and not the shadow side that lost last season's FA Cup final to Wigan.

Mackem misfortune continues

While Saturday was notable chiefly for our 2-0 win over Chelsea (Paul's match report to come), there was also plenty of cheer in the fact that absolutely nothing went right for the Mackems: an injury to their goalkeeper, two red cards (one to Lee Clattermole, of course) and a 1-0 defeat to Hull secured by an own goal and celebrated by two Geordies in the Tigers' ranks, 'keeper Steve Harper and former Mackem manager Ol' Cauliflower Face. It was a result that leaves them in 19th, with only the hapless Crystal Palace beneath.

And yet our amusement was tempered by disappointment and regret - after all, it makes it all the more embarrassing that we gifted them three points last weekend.

Curse strikes Po-yet again

Sunderland 2 - 1 Newcastle Utd

We were left cursing That Bloody Man again, as for the umpteenth time we stumbled and fell heavily into the scriptwriter's trap - namely providing the obliging opposition as the Mackems claimed their first win of a comically awful season. It just had to be us, didn't it?

While the performance, though flat, wasn't embarrassing, the result certainly was - the Great Unwashed had lost all four of their previous matches at the Stadium of Shite. A bit more desire, conviction and intelligence and we would surely have made it five home defeats in a row. As it was, we were left to rue what might have been, Mackem taunts ringing in our ears.

The Silver Fox was forced into making one change to the side that took to the field against Liverpool, with MYM suspended. Hopes of a return from injury for Saylor weren't realised, which meant a first Premier League start for Toon-born Paul Dummett, partnering Mike Williamson in a makeshift central defence. Gus Poyet's team selection seemed to involve banishing as many summer signings to the bench as possible - Jozy Altidore and Andrea Dossena were the only recent recruits to make it into the starting XI.

And sure enough, five minutes in, it was experienced campaigners Adam Johnson and Steven Fletcher who combined for the opening goal - and Dummett who was partially responsible. A short corner caught us napping (perhaps we need to acknowledge that, though we don't ever score from corners, other teams do...), and Geordie Johnson was allowed to float a cross to the back post, where Fletcher leant on and overpowered his marker Dummett to nod the Mackems into the lead.

It could have got worse shortly afterwards, when Fletcher's left-footed volley was parried by Tim Krul, Dummett dawdled and Altidore nipped in but could only run the ball behind for a goal kick. Such was the Mackems' control of the centre of the park that the Silver Fox decided to switch our system from 4-3-3 to 4-4-2, to match them directly. That helped us to gradually gain the upper hand, but even then we were restricted to wayward free kicks from Dreamboat and HBA, the fluent and pacy attacking that characterised the impressive wins at Villa and Cardiff nowhere to be seen.

The Silver Fox's response to the half-time deficit was to throw on Papiss Cisse for Moussa Sissoko (whose one moment of note had come when he was just beaten to a header by 'keeper Keiren Westwood), but the Senegal striker's worrying Premier League goal drought continued as he, like Loic Remy and Goofy, were peripheral figures in the second period.

We did at least start to really boss the midfield, though, with skipper Mr T to the fore, and the equaliser, when it came, was deserved. HBA took aim speculatively (not for the first time in the afternoon) and his cross-shot turned into a perfect pass for Mathieu Debuchy, dashing past the dozing Johnson, to fire home at the far post. It was the French full-back's first goal for the club, and made him another in the list of Toon defenders to have found themselves improbable scorers in this fixture over the years, alongside Andy O'Brien and Nikos Dabizas.

At this point, up against a tiring team who were both defensively and psychologically brittle, the game was clearly there for the taking. In fairness, we did push for a winner, with Dreamboat, Davide Santon and substitute Big Lad (trying in vain to reprise his Mackem Slayer antics) all firing narrowly wide of Westwood's goal. Critically, though, we didn't actually test the 'keeper or create anything at close range, and indeed the best opportunity fell to Fletcher's replacement Fabio Borini, whose shot squirmed through Krul only for the Dutchman to fall on it on the line.

The Italian wasn't to be denied for long, however. A free kick was awarded after referee Lee Probert had overruled his assistant (who had signalled for a throw-in to us), a short pass eluded Dreamboat's attempt to cut it out, the industrious Altidore left the ball to Borini as the two strikers switched and the substitute lashed an unstoppable shot into the top corner. His only other Premier League goal also came at our expense, during last season's 6-0 drubbing by Liverpool - a new nemesis to file alongside his manager, perhaps?

In the five minutes of normal time and four minutes of stoppage time that remained, we resorted to lobbing the ball forwards aimlessly and artlessly, and came closest to a second equaliser when John O'Shea's header had Westwood scrambling back to prevent an own goal. Otherwise there was only a dribbled shot from Dreamboat that indicated it wasn't to be our day.

At the final whistle the Great Unwashed celebrated in the manner you might expect of a club that has now recorded back-to-back derby wins for first time since 1967. How galling to think that we've quadrupled their previous points tally and given them the psychological fillip of leapfrogging managerless Crystal Palace at the bottom of the table.

As for us, the inquest should have already begun into where exactly the requisite passion, drive and determination were. The players simply didn't look as though they appreciated it was a derby. It's a good thing that revenge is a dish best served cold - it'll be positively icy by the time the Mackems visit St James Park...

The weekend's results have only seen us drop one place, to 11th, but that's a very false comfort - just three points separate us from Norwich, currently occupying the final relegation spot, with the considerable challenge of a visit from Chelsea next in line in the league. Hardly ideal.

Other reports: BBC, Guardian (warning: report by TBW, complete with the following supremely ridiculous suggestion: "Maybe one day a parallel with Arsenal's past will be identified, with Di Canio regarded as Bruce Rioch to Poyet's Arsène Wenger")

Papal bull

So the Pope's been pictured with a Sunderland shirt. I suppose the Mackems need all the help they can get ahead of tomorrow's derby. As the Silver Fox has pointed out, though, Sideshow Bob has actually met the Pope in person and the pair bonded over a shared love of San Lorenzo in their native Argentina. Divided loyalties, then.

New deal for Dummy?

It looks as though Paul Dummett's reward for an impressive pre-season and an encouraging introduction to the first team, culminating in Saturday's goal against Liverpool, will be the offer of a new contract. That's if the Silver Fox gets his way - and you'd imagine Jabba wouldn't be inclined to quibble given that the young left back is just the sort of cost-free homegrown player he wants us to be producing.

Here's an interview Dummett gave in the summer to the Ronny Gill, in which he talks about the importance of self-confidence when you're training with your idols, the value of last season's loan spell at St Mirren and the encouragement he's received from the Silver Fox.

Dummett has said he'll be involved on Sunday whether as a player or a supporter - in truth, it looks like being the latter, with the Silver Fox saying a fit-again Saylor would "get the nod over Paul because you need experience in the derby". Saylor obviously greater experience, but you do wonder whether he's not actually the greater liability in the circumstances - a player who is just returning from injury, who is always liable to do something daft and rash (see the sending-off in his one appearance of the season so far, at Man City) and who will be given a particularly torrid time by the Mackem crowd...

From Paolo to Poyet

The bad news: with three weeks to go before the derby, the Mackems have appointed a new manager who, as a player with Chelsea and Spurs and as a manager for Brighton, has repeatedly proven to be our nemesis.

The good news: he's got a fucking monkey's heed, so that particular crowd favourite can be recycled.

Ciao

Disappointment and disgust at Saturday's defeat was naturally tempered somewhat by West Brom's 3-0 victory over the Mackems (which not only featured a debut goal from Stephane Sessegnon, formerly of the Dark Place, whom Paolo Di Canio had been slagging off all week, but also a late strike from Romain Amalfitano's older brother Morgan) and the fascist sympathiser's subsequent confrontation with fans and sacking. So that meltdown I predicted came before the derby, sooner than anticipated - more's the pity that he earned himself the boot rather than us handing it to him on a plate.

Di Canio was a crazy appointment in the first place - placing a naive, inexperienced egotist with zero man management skills in charge of a bunch of highly strung Premier League footballers was always going to end messily. Ellis Short and company compounded the mistake by allowing Di Canio to completely reshape the backroom staff and spend £19m in the summer before giving him just five games of the new season. It's as though they've taken a look at goings-on on Tyneside and decided they can trump Jabba and JFK for mind-boggling idiocy. Fair play to them for giving us a good laugh, though.

Critical reflection

One of the weekend's talking points was Paolo Di Canio's public slating of his players following the Mackems' defeat to Crystal Palace, a side widely expected to be among the division's whipping boys. The unhinged loon displayed his very tenuous grasp of psychology and man management by criticising both Ji Dong-Won (for ducking out of a header) and captain John O'Shea (for making a bad cock-up and then giving away a penalty and getting sent off when trying to recover) in his post-match interview. Both players did indeed deserve a rollicking - but that's what the dressing room's for.

While Di Canio came under fire from hacks and pundits, rather less was said about the fact that the Silver Fox actually did much the same. HBA was not only our matchwinner against Fulham, he was also the player who carried the most threat and spark all afternoon - and yet after the game his manager decided to declare our mercurial forward had "made some poor decisions" and reveal that he'd given him a half-time dressing-down, accusing him of slowing down our attacks.

I suppose the difference is that the Silver Fox could say it with a wry and relieved smile on his face rather than a scowl. All the same, I don't think public criticism is what a player as psychologically fragile as HBA needs, and certainly not when he's ultimately made the game's key contribution. On the contrary, the occasion surely called for the confidence boost of a manager raving about another superlative goal added to a growing collection.

Quote of the day

"I've never played under anyone like him and I've played for some of the best managers around. Steve Bruce, Roberto Martínez and Sir Bobby Robson. He thinks he knows everything, but he has got a lot to learn. He's got a long, long way to go before he gets anywhere near as good as Sir Bobby Robson. He's a young manager trying to stamp his mark on things, but he's making some big mistakes. He's targeted the easy players, the ones who are leaving anyway, trying to show he's the boss. I was fined for not going to a weights session. Everyone else at the club thought it was ridiculous, but he's trying to be tough. He comes out in the media and hammers players and he hasn't said a word to them. He's never said anything like that to [Wickham's] face. He's 19 and the manager is battering him in the media."

Agent Bramble may now have departed the Dark Place, but he still remembered his mission to the last, firing this parting shot at Paulo Di Canio (a "strange person") and his man-management style and thereby suggesting that, while the Mackem supporters might revere the loon for inspiring the derby day victory, the club's players are rather less enthusiastic about the man in charge.

Singstar

Just in case you were still unsure about whether Paolo Di Canio is a laughable buffoon, here he is performing a number with Toploader...

(Thanks to Niall for the link.)

Titus turned loose

The new season may still be more than two months away, but one thing's already for certain: sadly we can no longer count on Agent Bramble to continue wreaking havoc down the road, now that he's taken his oversized posterior and waddled off into the sunset. If Sideshow Bob leaves, we'll definitely be in the market for a central defender. Nope, doesn't bear thinking about...

6under1and

Oh for fuck's sake. You really can't trust the Mackems to do anything right, can you? Just when we've stopped shuddering at the prospect of actually willing them to win, they go and get themselves pasted 6-1 at Villa Park. They really must hate us.

The win takes Villa level on points with the pair of us, and shoves us down a place into 17th, one place above the dreaded dotted line, on goal difference. That's the damaging impact an eleven-goal swing in one weekend can have.

On a related note, those possessing a particularly black sense of humour might be able to raise a smile at this...

Pride and prejudice

Perhaps it would be best not to dwell any longer on the debacle of the weekend before last and just try to pretend it never happened, but I did spot this news item which indicates that the result had unexpected ramifications well beyond the match itself and the ensuing disorder. Fair play to the juror in question for admitting the situation - though you wonder whether there weren't any others who kept their allegiances quiet.

(Thanks to Simon for the link.)

Violence made a dark day darker

It goes without saying, but we echo the club's statement condemning Sunday's appalling post-derby violence - though would point out that many if not most of those involved hadn't attended the game and so it's unjustified to tarnish all Toon supporters with the same brush, and that it's overstatement to link events to the incidents of crowd violence at Saturday's Millwall v Wigan FA Cup semi-final and conclude that we're witnessing a renaissance of 80s-style football hooliganism.

Nevertheless, it just served to make it an even more depressing afternoon. A comment from a North-East-based friend in the legal profession made me chuckle, though: "A bad day to be a Newcastle fan. Unless, of course, you happen to be Duty Solicitor"...

No laughing matter

Northumbria Police have issued a warning to fans not to make fascist salutes in Paolo Di Canio's direction during Sunday's derby. You'd hope none of our supporters would be stupid enough, but it's worth stressing all the same. Let's just get working on the witty chants instead.