... And that's an Anfield wrap

Liverpool 2 - 1 Newcastle Utd

At last - a campaign that became positively purgatorial is finally over. Not with a win, naturally, but with a game that handily reminded us of the story of our season - the first half bright and full of promise, the second sharply descending into catastrophe and farce. All the media focus may have been on our hosts' disappointment at losing out to Man City in the pursuit of the title, but like Liverpool we manoeuvred ourselves into a great position before blowing it all in spectacular fashion.

Injury to Loic Remy meant he signed off in black and white (probably for good) with that second goal against Cardiff last Saturday, and the Silver Fox, presumably fearful of a goal-greedy side like the Reds running up a cricket score, opted to replace him with Saylor and revert to a back five. The other change also came in defence, where Massadio Haidara took Paul Dummett's place. Lubo Satka, meanwhile, was a notable inclusion among the subs.

Clad in the new dull grey away kit, the visitors made a surprisingly lively start, partly aided by the fact that Liverpool appeared resigned to finishing second even before Man City took the lead over West Ham. Big Lad should have done better with an unmarked header, though we were then grateful for referee Phil Dowd's fussiness, as he disallowed the quickly taken free-kick that Luis Suarez clipped over Tim Krul on the (debatable) grounds that the ball wasn't stationary.

Given his slump in form over the second half of the season, few would have bet on Goofy being the one striker on show who would then set about stealing the limelight - but that's exactly what he did in bursting onto a pass on the left and whipping in a cross with the outside of his right boot that the hapless Martin Skrtel sliced past former Mackem 'keeper Simon Mignolet for his fourth own goal of the season.

Goofy's afternoon could and indeed should have got even better soon afterwards, when an incisive through-ball from Big Lad picked out his run, only for Mignolet to block the ensuing shot. At the other end, Liverpool's much-feted front pairing were even more glaringly profligate, Daniel Sturridge in particular heading well wide when scoring looked easier.

Little changed in the first 15 minutes of the second half, until Brendan Rodgers boosted his side's attacking potency with Philippe Coutinho replacing the more defensively minded midfielder Joe Allen. That was Liverpool's cue to step up a gear, and sure enough they turned the game on its head in the space of two minutes courtesy of two carbon-copy Steven Gerrard free-kicks. The first picked out Daniel Agger, the central defender atoning for his partner's error from a tight angle (Krul may be disappointed), and the second was prodded home by Sturridge.

The game hadn't even restarted before things went from bad to worse, with Big Lad earning himself a yellow card and then another for dissent. If that proves to be the last action of his Newcastle career, as seems likely, then it's sadly apt - on too many occasions he's talked the talk but failed to walk the walk.

The Silver Fox threw caution to the wind in withdrawing Saylor for Luuk de Jong, but the Dutchman made little impact once again - certainly less than fellow replacement Paul Dummett did on Suarez's leg, with a lunge that was rash and ill-timed rather than malicious and so not really deserving of the red card offence Dowd deemed it.

A goal behind and down to nine men, our chances of securing a first Premier League win at Anfield since 1994 looked to have slipped away, and that proved to be the case, despite the efforts of substitute Little Big Lad to conjure something from nothing.

The requisite top ten finish had been assured before kick-off, regardless of the result, but Stoke's victory at West Brom meant that we limped over the line in tenth. The Silver Fox insisted we had been "terrific" and questioned Dowd's dubious decisions, while his opposite number took time out from reflecting on the death of Liverpool's title dreams to ponder how "the manager can be blamed when his club hasn't made a permanent signing for 18 months and sold its best player in Yohan Cabaye". The Silver Fox is certainly not blameless, but Rodgers did have a point - unlike us, who, after another ultimately disappointing season, travelled back up to the north-east needing to make some significant changes and improvements in the summer if we're not to face another relegation battle.

A Liverpool fan's perspective: The Liverpool Offside

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Two Unfortunates twice unfortunate

It was a case of close but no cigar at the Football Supporters' Federation Awards last night, as the blog for which I occasionally moonlight, The Two Unfortunates, missed out on the trophies in the two categories for which it was nominated - Independent Website of the Year and Blogger of the Year. No shame in that - though there was in the fact that I queued up to get the signature of Player of the Year Luis Suarez but didn't bother to ask ex-Toon left-back Olivier Bernard for his. As the other half of Black & White & Read All Over has pointed out, I chose to shun a passionate anti-racism campaigner and yet shook hands with someone previously banned for using a racist term. I'm blaming the complimentary wine.

From a Newcastle perspective, interest was provided in the form of the opening remarks from the FSF's Toon-supporting chief executive Kevin Miles. Aside from the predictable comments about it being nice to be at the Emirates Stadium and not cursing another mauling, and about an unfamiliarity with trophies, he concluded by proposing JFK as a readymade replacement for AVB to Spurs...

Meanwhile, the Fanzine of the Year category saw True Faith up against Mackem rag A Love Supreme, but neither was victorious, the award instead going to the non-club-affiliated (and rather childishly named) Stand Against Modern Football.

The Two Unfortunates contingent were sharing our table with the duo behind the Man City podcast Bluemoon (harshly pitched against the likes of the Guardian's Football Weekly, which won) and a couple of staff who work on fan liaison at Arsenal and who were the recipients of the Away Day of the Year award. Those of a cynical nature might have been forgiven for raising an eyebrow and wondering how ticket prices for travelling fans at the Emirates squared with the FSF's own Twenty's Plenty campaign... We would have had another award-winner on our table, had Sky commentator Martin Tyler elected to sit in his designated place rather than elsewhere in the room.

While Tyler might not have been keen to rub shoulders with nerdy internet oiks like us (even ones who'd made an attempt to scrub up for the occasion), other mainstream media award-winners were quick to praise. The Torygraph's Henry Winter (Writer of the Year) and the team behind Football Weekly seized the opportunity to hail the efforts of semi-professionals and amateurs doing what they do as a labour of love. Magnanimous or patronising? In Winter's case, perhaps the latter - his comments came across as somewhat glib.

And finally a mention of the food, and in particular a main course of steak and ale pie, mash and peas that was at once a knowing nod to traditional matchday grub and a significantly superior version of it. If the pies you get at grounds were even half as good as that one, I'd be very happy indeed.

Dreamboat and Dummett ensure history doesn't repeat itself

Newcastle Utd 2 - 2 Liverpool

For the third fixture in a row against the Reds we had a man sent off - but mercifully there was to be no repeat of last season's horrific 6-0 thrashing, thanks to a performance of encouraging spirit and resolve in the face of adversity.

Injury to skipper Sideshow Bob meant a recall for MYM, but this was largely by default and the more notable difference from the side that won at Cardiff before the international break was the selection of HBA ahead of Papiss Cisse. While it wasn't much of a shock that the Senegalese striker paid the price for his continued lack of goals, the Silver Fox did spring a surprise by stationing HBA centrally.

That decision didn't really pay off, HBA a peripheral figure for the most part, but its consequence was that Loic Remy continued to operate on the left side of the front three, the position in which he's been most dangerous. On the other flank, Goofy's work rate and effort were superb, though you wonder whether he might not have been better switched with HBA.

No matter, though - with Mr T appearing to have rediscovered his form in conjunction with being awarded the captain's armband and Dreamboat bossing midfield, we were in general control of the game. Chances were at a premium, though. Mathieu Debuchy had tried his luck from range with a shot that was comfortably smothered by ex-Mackem Simon Mignolet, but when his pal Dreamboat took aim from a similar position shortly after the half-hour, the Belgian 'keeper stood no chance of stopping his bouncing, swerving drive from finding the bottom corner.

That sparked a flurry of opportunities, with the Reds' potent strikeforce of Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge starting to give Tim Krul something to do. The Dutchman was able to watch calmly, though, as headers from Martin Skrtel and Aly Cissokho sailed harmlessly over. Davide Santon was rather more perturbed by a headed effort from Suarez, clearing behind for a corner, though replays suggested it may have been drifting just wide of the post.

Not that Liverpool had started to have it all their own way, with Moussa Sissoko close to extending our lead only for Mignolet to beat away his left-footed drive. So it was a hammer blow when Sturridge chipped the ball through for Suarez, played onside by Mr T lazily jogging out from the box, and he tumbled following a slight but unmistakeable hand on the shoulder from MYM. The defender didn't make it past half-time in his last appearance, also against opposition from Merseyside, and the inevitable red card brandished by Andre Marriner meant he continued that unhappy tradition, the Silver Fox admitting he had "no qualms" about the decision. Steven Gerrard scored from the spot, his 100th goal since football began (i.e. in the Premier League...), and suddenly the game had a very different complexion.

MYM's dismissal left the Silver Fox with a dilemma: who to bring off to be able to introduce our one fit defender on the bench, Paul Dummett. The fact that Sissoko was the unlucky man was intriguing - HBA would have been a more obvious candidate, as something of a luxury player, but our original three-pronged attack was retained. There was also some surprise when rookie left-back Dummett took up position in the centre of the defence. Presumably his inexperience was taken into account but it was nevertheless felt that neither Debuchy nor Santon would have sufficient stature to partner Mike Williamson.

As it turned out, though, Dummett's most significant contribution came at the other end ten minutes into the second half. Dreamboat's free kick glanced off a defender and the substitute found himself in the perfect position at the back post to sidefoot a seasoned striker's finish past Mignolet. Not only did it break the run of Premier League goals scored by Frenchmen (13 including Dreamboat's earlier in the match), it was also the first strike from a Newcastle-born player since Wor Al's farewell spot kick against the Mackems in April 2006.

The major challenge now was to hold out - something Suarez seemed hell-bent on wrecking. First his angled shot was saved by a firm Krul right hand, and then he darted into the box and, with the Dutchman out of position, crossed for Sturridge to plant a diving header into the empty net under close attention from two defenders.

It could have been worse, had the odious Uruguayan's shot gone under the bar rather than striking it or had his stoppage-time free kick not been repelled by Krul. In truth, though, Liverpool missed the creative influence of Philippe Coutinho, outstanding in last season's demolition, as his replacement Victor Moses was largely poor. We could even potentially have snatched a winner, with Remy looking a real threat on the counter-attack as the Reds pushed forwards.

Honours even, then - and certainly a point was the least we deserved. We do now go into Sunday's derby with a central defence down to the barest of bones, but a team that has scored twice in each of the last five Premier League fixtures will fancy its chances against a porous Mackem back line that shipped another four without reply in Gus Poyet's first match in charge. With only a solitary point to their name thus far, the Great Unwashed will be desperate to get that first win of the season against us - it's our job to frustrate them and, more than that, to exact revenge for April's humiliation.

A Liverpool fan's perspective: The Liverpool Offside

Other reports: .com, BBC, Observer

Know Your Enemies 2013/4: Part 1

Saturday sees the Premier League kick off for a new season - so let's start our preview by assessing just what we're up against over the next ten months. Disclaimer: the predictions and forecasts that follow may turn out to bear laughably little resemblance to reality...

Arsenal

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Or perhaps that should be one basket-case, given that this is unhinged arm-chomper and thoroughly detestable human being Luis Suarez we're talking about. Arsene Wenger has spent the summer single-mindedly pursuing the Uruguayan striker's signature, for which he's prepared to smash the club's previously modest transfer record - and yet that pursuit has (thus far, at least) been fruitless.

Last season Laurent Koscielny and Per Mertesacker gave the Gunners a more secure platform defensively, summer recruits Olivier Giroud and Lukas Podolski gradually acclimatised to life at the Emirates and Theo Walcott did an admirable job of attempting to plug the gap left by Robin van Persie's departure to Man Utd. But the stark reality for the club, manager and fans is that they remain without a trophy of any description since 2005 and, while with Suarez they might have the faintest whiff of a chance of breaking into the top three, without him they're once again also-rans playing for fourth place.

Aston Villa

Paul Lambert may have looked like a broken man at times last season, but survival with a few games to spare just about validated his transfer policy, team selection and tactics. This summer Villa acted swiftly and decisively to secure their key targets, all aged 23 or under - defenders Jores Okore and Antonio Luna, midfielder Leandro Bacuna, winger Alexandar Tonev and striker Nicklas Helenius. Evidence of a good scouting network and some careful groundwork - take note please, Silver Fox, JFK and Jabba...

This new clutch of youthful international talent will add to what the Villains already have, Matthew Lowton having proven a sound signing and Andreas Weimann and Fabian Delph both beginning to live up to their potential under Lambert's tutelage. Of course, most significant of all is Christian Benteke's decision to withdraw a hasty transfer request and sign a new deal, though overdependence on their star striker remains a serious danger. I still feel Darren Bent has been ostracised unnecessarily - in tandem with the Belgian, he could conceivably help fire Villa into the top half of the table.

Cardiff

2012/3 was something of an annus mirabilis for Welsh football: Swansea lifting the League Cup and thereby qualifying for Europe, Newport edging out Wrexham at Wembley to secure a return to the Football League after a quarter of a century away, and Cardiff managing to avoid crumbling like Caerphilly cheese, finally holding their nerve long enough to win the Championship and promotion to the top flight. Vindication perhaps for Vincent Tan, who had argued for the Bluebirds' controversial switch to red shirts on the dubious grounds that all the most successful teams wear red.

Tan has been equally bold this summer in allowing manager Malkay Mackay to break the club's transfer record on no fewer than three occasions, with Danish striker Andreas Cornelius, Spurs defender Steven Caulker and aggressive Chile midfielder Gary Medel all recruited. Medel will be teaming up with another infamous walking red card, a certain No-Necked Text Pest, who probably thought his Premier League days were over. More's the pity. Let's just hope he doesn't come back to bite us.

Chelsea

The ego has landed, again! In all the excitement over the return of the self-proclaimed Special One - the media swooning in eager anticipation of his breathtaking arrogance, enigmatic eyebrow-arching and entertainingly expert ruffling of feathers - few have queried the wisdom of the move. Revisiting the scene of previous managerial success rarely ends happily - not that Jose Mario dos Santos Mourinho Felix's first spell in charge ended happily either. He twice took Chelsea to the title and has since won the Champions League (as have the Blues, with Roberto di Matteo at the helm). Surely the man who could once upon a time have been our assistant manager has nothing to gain and everything to lose?

All the same, the calibre of the squad at his disposal is arguably the best in the league. Was it really only two years ago that we finished above Chelsea? That would be inconceivable now. Andre Schurrle and Marco van Ginkel have bolstered their options in midfield and forward areas, while the return of  Belgian loanees Kevin de Bruyne and especially Romelu Lukaku to line up alongside compatriot Eden Hazard makes them an even more formidable prospect. Rafa Benitez's tenure may already seem like a distant dream, but his legacy was not only the Europa League trophy but also the conversion of David Luiz, the subject of unwanted attention from Barcelona this summer, from an ill-disciplined central defender mocked by Gary Neville to an accomplished defensive midfielder. Mourinho might not actually need to work any magic of his own to lift another title.

Crystal Palace

And so to another London club whose manager's pronouncements are media manna and who have made a significant (if somewhat lower-profile) recruit from Spain. Like fellow promotees Cardiff, Palace have gone to Sevilla in search of midfield reinforcement and returned with the country's U20 captain Jose Campana. Quite a coup, though, it may unsettle Mile Jedinak, the Australian crowned the club's player of the year last season despite stiff competition from the now departed Wilfried Zaha.

Up front, while more limited than the likes of Grant Holt and Ricky Lambert before him, Glenn Murray will be hoping to prove himself another meat-and-potatoes striker unpalatable to the delicate stomachs of Premier League defenders. He's now been joined by Dwight Gayle, a revelation at Posh but an expensive gamble for Palace, and Arsenal's no-trick showpony Marouane Chamakh. However well those three do, though, is likely to be negated by a defence in which Peter Ramage is considered a stalwart.

Everton

Since his appointment as David Moyes' replacement at Goodison Park, Roberto Martinez has - perhaps inevitably - regarded former club Wigan much as a famished tramp might regard an eat-all-you-like buffet. The ink had hardly dried on his new contract when he beat us to the signature of Arouna Kone as well as getting his sticky paws on the Ivorian's Latics team-mate Antolin Alcaraz and Atletico Madrid's JJB Stadium loanee Joel Robles. Few would be surprised if James McCarthy or Massadio Haidara's chum Callum McManaman were to tread that well-trodden path before the closure of the transfer window too.

With Nikica Jelavic falling into poor form and Victor Anichebe inconsistent (except against us), Kone will serve as a focal point for Everton's attack, aided and abetted by Gerard Deulofeu, an eyecatching loan signing from Barcelona. At the time of writing at least, Martinez can still call upon the services of Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines, while Kevin Mirallas is yet another Belgian increasingly at home in the Premier League. Where the Toffees might come unstuck, though, is in defence, the Spaniard's brand of fluent football generally coming at the expense of clean sheets. Paired with Alcaraz, the ageing Sylvain Distin or the past-it John Heitinga, Phil Jagielka will probably be left feeling like King Canute.

Fulham

Fulham bade farewell to Mohamed Al Fayed this summer, welcoming luxuriantly moustached new owner Shahid Khan, and there has also been a changing of the guard between the posts, with Mark Schwarzer making the short but improbable hop to Stamford Bridge to be replaced by Maarten Stekelenburg. The Dutch international might be ten years his Australian counterpart's junior, but, at 30, he hardly helps give the Cottagers' ageing squad a youthful feel - and neither do fellow new boys Derek Boateng and Fernando Amorebieta, aged 29 and 30 respectively. All it would take for Fulham to pitch up in peril, you suspect, would be a global shortage of cod liver oil...

At least full-back Sascha Riether, now a permanent signing, gives some energy on the right flank, though Martin Jol's decision to help alleviate 'Appy 'Arry's wage bill burden by borrowing Adel Taarabt is mystifying - he couldn't get the best out of the mercurial Moroccan when at Spurs, since when the latter has repeatedly flattered to deceive in the top flight. Like the Michael Jackson statue Al Fayed erected outside the ground, you wonder how long Jol might survive in situ under the new regime.

Hull

Shahid Khan might own Jacksonville Jaguars, but it's Hull 's Assem Allam who appears determined to rebrand his club as an NFL-style franchise. Hull City Tigers? They'll be playing at the Frosties Bowl any day now... Whatever, the Tigers' promotion gives us the opportunity to renew hostilities with Ol' Cauliflower Face - one plastic Geordie following in the footsteps of another, Phil Brown. How long before we see the first half-time team bollocking on the pitch?

In fairness to Agent Bruce, he did do an excellent job at the Mackems - as did Agent Graham (£5m of their money squandered in return for no goals whatsoever). Perhaps that mutual bond is what's drawn them together. While Charlie Austin failed a medical, George Boyd signed permanently - presumably the Tigers' eye test is rather less strenuous than Forest's... Also joining the gold-clad ranks are two goalkeepers, Allan McGregor and our old boy Steve Harper - does Bruce realise he can't play them both at once? Even if he could, survival would still be a long shot.

Liverpool

You've got to hand it to Luis Suarez. It was no mean feat becoming the most odious player in a league also featuring John Terry and Ashley Cole, and now he's managed to offend the minority who felt differently at the start of the summer too. Liverpool have quite rightly attracted universal mockery and scorn for their blind defence of the Uruguayan and his various misdemeanours, so Brendan Rodgers was justified in describing the striker's attempts to engineer a move away from Anfield as displaying "total disrespect". The manager's demand for an apology is only likely to inflame the situation and harden Suarez's resolve to leave, though, and while a move to Arsenal looks increasingly improbable I simply can't see him staying at the club and being reintegrated into the side.

So where would that leave the Reds' front line? As we found out to our considerable cost, Daniel Sturridge and Philippe Coutinho are perfectly capable of wreaking havoc in Suarez's absence. In Luis Alberto and Iago Aspas Liverpool have a couple of promising new attacking options in wide areas, and while Raheem Sterling needs to rediscover his mojo, Jordon Ibe has caught the eye in pre-season. The unsentimental dumping of Pepe Reina in favour of Simon Mignolet raised a few eyebrows, but will nevertheless be for the long-term good. Nevertheless, key central defenders Martin Skrtel and Daniel Agger may both be unsettled, having been linked with moves to the continent, and flogging Rocky and Stewart Downing to West Ham for £35m less than they shelled out was an embarrassing indictment of their recent transfer policy. Sixth is surely as good as it'll get.

Man City

Long gone are the days when finishing second in the top flight, reaching the FA Cup final and participating in the Champions League group stage would have been considered achievement enough for Man City. After the high of lifting the league title in 2011/12, last season was a serious disappointment, with Roberto Mancini unsurprisingly paying the price of failure and (after a protracted pursuit) Manuel Pellegrini installed as the new man in the hotseat.

The moneymen's solution, of course, was to get the chequebook out, and £87m has been spunked on a quartet of new players - Alvaro Negredo, Fernandinho, Jesus Navas and Stevan Jovetic - all of whom promise to add to City's threat in attacking situations. Pellegrini's most acute dilemma is how to juggle all the talent at his disposal, and how to get more out of those supposed superstars the club already owned (Samir Nasri and Javi Garcia, for a start). Here's hoping the secret formula is still eluding him by the time we kick off against them on Monday evening.

Appetite for (self-)destruction

Newcastle Utd 0 - 6 Liverpool

According to the Silver Fox in his post-match interview, we're in a relegation battle. No shit, Sherlock. After our worst home defeat since 1925 and a performance of quite staggering defensive ineptitude and (even more worryingly) spinelessness - quite probably the worst since this site started in 2004 - it would be ridiculous to claim that we're too good to go down. It's incredible that a core of players who finished fifth last campaign can have been supplemented with a clutch of established internationals and yet still find themselves in such serious peril - but no one came out of this encounter smelling of roses, or indeed anything other than manure.

On paper, Liverpool looked like relatively welcome opponents for our first home game since that disastrous derby. First and foremost, Luis Suarez would be missing, leading to hosts of pundits and media types pondering whether Liverpool would lack bite without him (chortle chortle) and Mark Lawrenson to tip us for victory. And then there was recent history: it was the Scousers whom we defeated in the Silver Fox's first game in charge, and last season the fixture was a joyous 2-0 cakewalk in which Pepe Reina was red-carded and we had the added bonus of laughing at Jose Enrique filling in between the sticks.

This time around, however, proved to be very different indeed, instead summoning up the spectre of the 5-1 battering we suffered in December 2008 in which heads went down and relegation started to look a distinct possibility. Fingers crossed this latest appalling pummelling doesn't foreshadow the same fate.

The side showed one change from the one that took to the field at the Hawthorns, the fit-again Mr T returning at the expense of the rather unlucky Goofy, last weekend's scorer. If the Silver Fox's intention was to stiffen up central midfield, the tactic failed horribly - time and again in the first half, Philippe Coutinho and others found acres of space to attack our back four, while Moussa Sissoko, shunted off to the flank, was as hopelessly ineffective as Spidermag.

That Liverpool didn't win their last away game, at Reading, by a similar scoreline was solely down to the performance of Royals 'keeper Alex McCarthy. Not that Rob Elliot, continuing to serve as understudy to the injured Tim Krul, could really be faulted for the astonishing carelessness with which the goals were conceded. He could perhaps have done slightly better for Daniel Agger's opener, after just three minutes, but in fairness his defence - and Massadio Haidara in particular - had left him painfully exposed.

By that point MYM had already had to slide a sizzling Glen Johnson cross behind for a corner with Daniel Sturridge lurking ominously, and the visitors didn't have to wait too long to double their lead. An upfield hoof by Reina was flicked to Coutinho by Sturridge, who span away from Haidara and accelerated into space. Found by the Brazilian's brilliantly deceptive outside-of-the-foot through-ball, he knocked the ball wide of Elliot for Jordan Henderson - oh yes, £15m Mackem superflop Jordan Henderson - to tuck home.

Haidara was having a nightmare, but at the other end did at least beat his man and whip in a cross that an unmarked Perchinho met with the proverbial 50 pence piece header. It could have got worse before the break, too, with the ever-dangerous Sturridge flagged narrowly offside. In the aftermath of the whistle, he tangled with Mathieu Debuchy, both players' names going into Andre Marriner's book.

That something drastic needed to be done at half-time was blindingly obvious - exactly what, though, remained to be seen. Sections of the St James' Park crowd had been chanting HBA's name as early as the 20th minute, and they got their wish with the Frenchman introduced for the second half in place of Spidermag. Goofy also came on, the Silver Fox signalling a serious shift of attacking intent, but the retention of Mr T at Perchinho's expense baffled - the Ivorian had been a liability throughout the first period, hapless in possession, wayward in tracking and tackling, and looking likely to have Marriner reaching for a red sooner rather than later.

Nevertheless, the substitutions (and the decision to move Dreamboat deeper) had the desired impact and for seven or eight minutes we looked a side transformed, with impetus and creative ability in the final third. And then HBA, driven backwards into his own half, cheaply surrendered possession to Coutinho, who advanced and picked out a perfect dinked pass for Sturridge to blast home. Six minutes later it really was all over. Under no pressure whatsoever and with MYM and Haidara making a complete hash of playing offside, Steven Gerrard was able to pick out Henderson, who squared for Sturridge to knock past Elliot's despairing dive.

The Silver Fox's response? Keep Big Lad - the one player who could have ruffled a few feathers - benched and instead bring on Vurnon Anita for Mr T. If this was an attempt at damage limitation, then the horse had very definitely already bolted - and, as if to underline that point, Liverpool scored two more. First, substitute Fabio Borini - an even bigger Kop flop than Henderson - was able to get his first league goal for the Reds with his second touch, a right-foot prod after Stewart Downing had deceived Haidara far too easily. And then Henderson curled in a free-kick that players on both sides dived to connect with but which found its way in at the far post untouched.

That free-kick was awarded for a stupid lunge on Coutinho by Debuchy - doubly stupid because it earned him a second yellow and a place in the stands for next weekend's increasingly vital clash at Upton Park. Thankfully, Liverpool decided enough was enough and, aside from a Coutinho shot that Elliot brilliantly tipped onto the bar, didn't threaten to worsen the humiliation and our goal difference.

If there was one tiny crumb of comfort, it was Spurs' last-minute equaliser at the DW Stadium. Prior to that, Wigan had looked set for three points courtesy of our dear friend Callum McManaman's drive. As it is, we remain just five points above them and praying for (this makes me shudder to contemplate) a Mackem win at Villa Park tomorrow night.

So how are our remaining fixtures looking? West Ham next weekend, when you just know that Fat Sam, Rocky and Kevin Nolan will be keen to kick us while we're down. QPR the weekend after that - the Hoops will almost certainly be relegated by that point, but 'Appy 'Arry and Loic £emy will no doubt relish the opportunity to inflict pain. And then the visit of Arsenal, who are very likely to need the points in their chase for a Champions League place. We've picked up one win away from home all season and now seem to have turned into total basket-cases at St James' Park. All of which means we're in extremely deep shit.

The Silver Fox's immediate task is to rebuild confidence - the players looked completely shot, and worryingly so given the fact that the West Brom display suggested they'd got the derby and subsequent fallout out of their systems. He then needs to impress on everyone the importance of those remaining games and demand a much improved workrate and commitment (at the very least). He also needs to give the defence (now the leakiest in the division) some urgent lessons in the offside trap - not just Papiss Cisse this time. When it comes to the matches themselves, he is now under huge pressure to get the tactics (and substitutions) spot on - though the players need to accept their responsibility and realise that the level of performance against Liverpool was disgraceful and cannot happen again. If it does, make no mistake - we'll be waving hello to the Championship.

A Liverpool fan's perspective: The Liverpool Offside

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Explanation please

While Llambiarse blasted the FA's disciplinary procedures as "not fit for purpose" in the wake of the Callum McManaman incident, the Silver Fox has chosen to be somewhat more diplomatic in his comments on the English game's organising authority. Reacting to news of the length of Luis Suarez's ban, he's politely asked for clarification as to the rationale.

Not that he is disputing that the Uruguayan's ten-game sinbinning was justified (and neither should he - the striker's offence was unforgiveable and yet another blot on an already heavily blotted copybook); on the contrary, it's because there remains widespread bafflement at St James' Park about how McManaman's "tackle" - an incident that was hardly much less savoury and certainly much more dangerous and career-threatening - could have escaped any kind of retrospective punishment.

Setting aside the fact that calling for transparency from the FA has about as much chance of success as the Mackems making it into Europe, the FA would no doubt trot out that line about the officials having missed Suarez's chomp but witnessed McManaman's assault - which, of course, still doesn't justify issuing a ban for one incident rather than the other, but instead just underlines the perverse and arbitrary "logic" of the rules.

In any case, we can take comfort from Suarez's absence for tomorrow's encounter with Liverpool. They may not be a one-man team, but they're not far off it. It's up to us to capitalise and save our Premier League skins.

Best behaviour

It's not often that the misconduct of our fans draws more attention than that of our players, but, judging by the stern ticking-off and warning from head of security Steve Storey, the club are clearly getting a bit jumpy ahead of tonight's second-leg tie against Anzhi.

"We've never fallen foul where UEFA are concerned before this season. Our fans have rightly been recognised as exemplary and they have proven that it doesn't take items such as flares, which are banned, to make an incredible atmosphere.

Sadly, a small element has acted in a manner in previous rounds - and particularly in the last Europa League game here against Metalist - which has threatened to damage that reputation. Not only have they endangered safety, they've also made coming to the match very uncomfortable for law-abiding fans directly around them and spoilt it for the majority.

We're working hard to combat all types of antisocial behaviour in and around St. James' Park. It's simply not welcome and make no mistake; there will be bans for offenders and further action taken by the police."

So, best behaviour demanded - and with good reason, given that UEFA have already taken sanctions against Fenerbahce and Lazio on the same grounds.

Meanwhile, there have also been pre-match warnings for the Silver Fox - courtesy of Brendan Rodgers, whose Liverpool side came up against the Russians in the group stage. The Reds lost in Moscow but triumphed on home turf. Here's hoping we can put to good use all the knowledge gleaned from Rodgers and our own scouting reports and analysis.

Dreamboat dazzles but victory denied

Liverpool 1 - 1 Newcastle Utd

A 1-1 draw away from home with Dreamboat giving us the lead, only for us to hand an equaliser and a man advantage to a poor side - sound familiar? This time Sideshow Bob - the undisputed hero against the Mackems - was the guilty man, though the otherwise impressive Spidermag should also hang his head in shame at the wayward distribution which ultimately allowed the Scousers to score. This is the worst Liverpool side in living memory and their usual talisman, Phil Collins fan Steven Gerrard, was woeful on what was his 600th appearance for the club, so it's disappointing we weren't able to bring our miserable 18-year winless run at Anfield to an end.

The Silver Fox opted to make three changes to the starting line-up, with Danny Simpson, Mike Williamson and Big Lad the trio who can consider themselves a little unlucky to miss out. In came Saylor, Vurnon Anita (at right-back) and last weekend's unwitting last-minute goalscorer Papiss Cisse.

Liverpool kicked off as though determined to perpetuate our search for maximum points from this particular fixture, Raheem Sterling in particular raiding down the left and floating inside to dangerous effect. From the other flank, Suso tried his luck a couple of times, while there was a laughable penalty appeal after six minutes, Sideshow Bob neither handling the ball nor clipping Luis Suarez's foot before deflecting the ball to safety.

Having weathered the initial storm, we then started to get a grip of possession, stroking the ball around neatly without fashioning much in the way of opportunities. Simpson made an early entrance when Perchinho had to come off with a thigh injury, and Anita, pushed into midfield, set about having one of his most effective games to date. Just as it looked as though the game would be goalless at the break, we scored with our very first effort on target. Andre Wisdom was penalised for a foul throw in our half, and we were able to work the ball to HBA on the right, who left both Sterling and old boy Jose Enrique standing. His cross found an unmarked Dreamboat at the back post, who controlled the ball before smashing a spectacular shot past Brad Jones from a tight angle.

Liverpool looked dazed and lame efforts in response from Suarez and Nuri Sahin failed to trouble Tim Krul. The disappointment of being behind at the interval was then compounded for some home fans by a faulty sprinkler that gave them a half-time soaking.

Our injury problems worsened shortly after the restart, Demba Ba leaving the action - hopefully not for a long spell in the treatment room. That his replacement was Little Big Lad rather than his older brother suggested a marginally more conservative approach to try to hold on to our lead and attack on the break.

Suarez forced Krul to tip a skimming shot behind for a corner, but we didn't look to be in too much danger until Spidermag's error, gifting possession to Enrique. His hopeful punt forwards was expertly controlled by the Uruguayan striker, who cheekily rounded Krul to tap in. It might have been irritating to watch our defence caught out by such a direct tactic, and Suarez is a thoroughly detestable individual (once again overacting, moaning and waving imaginary yellow cards in the direction of the referee), but I can just about grudgingly admire the quality of the finish.

Our goalscorer went off with a knock to be replaced by Shane Ferguson, a move which left us looking somewhat shapeless and unbalanced, the Northern Irishman seemingly keen to occupy the same territory as Little Big Lad. But it was a Scouse substitute, Jonjo Shelvey, who took centre stage shortly after Saylor's superb block from Sterling's shot. The bald-bonced ex-Charlton midfielder fluffed a glorious chance from Suarez's cut-back and then squandered two great headed opportunities.

We were carving out chances of our own, Cisse going close and HBA beating two men and driving his shot into Jones' midriff after Little Big Lad's speedy gallop out of defence. But it became backs-to-the-wall stuff when Sideshow Bob inexplicably lunged in on Suarez with six minutes to go. Contact was minimal, but, as an initially incensed Silver Fox later admitted, the replay looked nasty and suggested plenty of intent - completely out of character for a player who is usually the personification of calm authority and whose moment of madness has now most likely deprived us of our captain and best central defender for the next three league games.

Thankfully, though, the closest Liverpool came to snatching the win they misguidedly seemed to think they deserved was in stoppage time, when a shot deflected off Cisse and was misjudged by Shelvey with his back to goal but nevertheless bounced up over Krul and onto the top of the bar.

A point at Anfield would have probably have been palatable pre-match, but in hindsight - given we were leading against a side lacking in guile and cutting edge with just over twenty minutes to go - it was definitely more a case of two points dropped. Nevertheless, our next few fixtures all look winnable so if we can finally find some form it won't matter quite so much.

A Liverpool fan's perspective: The Liverpool Offside

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

A sense of perspective

So, I was going to write something about the results of the Football Supporters' Federation's 2012 National Fans' Survey - about the headline stat that more than 90% of fans feel ticket prices are too high, about the fact that three-quarters of respondents would welcome a salary cap, about the frequently costly havoc that the short-notice rescheduling of games to suit broadcasters wreaks on supporters' best-laid plans, about the unsettling fact that nearly a fifth of respondents have witnessed racist and homophobic abuse in grounds in the last year.

But then along came Wednesday's news about Hillsborough - an unequivocal and damning if horribly overdue indictment of all involved except the much vilified Liverpool supporters, who were exonerated of all blame - to put it all into perspective. Those supporters were the victims of prejudice and ultimately of an extraordinary cover-up perpetrated by everyone from the emergency services to the press. 23 years on, there may still be problems within the beautiful game - most obviously, the FSF survey underlines that fans' loyalty is often taken for granted and milked for all it's worth - but it's safe to say that things have most definitely changed for the better. Going to watch football in the UK may often be a sterile experience, but at least it's not a downright dangerous one.

(PS Now that it's been established that events that day in April 1989 were preventable and that lives could have been saved, can people please stop calling it a "disaster"?)

Quote of the day

"We will invest to succeed. But we will not mortgage the future with risky spending."

Writing an open letter to Liverpool fans, the club's American owner John Henry appears to have suffered momentary amnesia. What was £35m for a lanky loose cannon with only really half a season of top-flight football under his belt if not an example of "risky spending"? And as for frittering away the same sum on Jordan Henderson and Stewart Downing...

In fairness to Henry, he does later show at least a degree of self-awareness, conceding that "the process of reversing the errors of previous regimes ... has been compounded by our own mistakes in a difficult first two years of ownership". Not that those mistakes are necessarily a thing of the past, either. Just three games into the new campaign and there's already talk of Brendan Rodgers being disgruntled at having been promised a new striker so allowing Rocky to leave for London, only for moves for Clint Dempsey and others not to materialise. Of course, it can't have helped Rodgers' mood that our former striker enjoyed a superb debut for Fat Sam's West Ham, back to his bullying best against Fulham's Brede Hangeland as the Hammers raced to a three-goal lead before succumbing to a hamstring injury.

Still, we would be lobbing a stone from our glasshouse if we were to mock Liverpool's shortage of forwards. Papiss Cisse's slow start is a worry, as is the fact that without Big Lad we weren't able to name a single striker on Sunday's bench. Maybe we might regret not bringing Rocky back to Tyneside as much as the Scousers come to rue letting him go.

Meanwhile, it might interest Liverpool (but probably not us...) that Little Saint Mick is still a free agent in search of a club, despite his confidence that someone would snap him up before Friday.

Know Your Enemies 2012/3: Part 1

Yes, it's that time of year again when I foolishly record for posterity my appraisals of our Premier League opponents - you know, writing off sides who end up surviving comfortably and serving up puff pieces for players who spectacularly fail to live up to their billing (Roger Johnson at Wolves being last season's classic example)...

Arsenal

If you ever find yourself round Arsene Wenger's house for tea, it's a pretty safe bet that you won't find meat and potatoes on the menu. No, it'll be tapas - continental, tasty, lots of spice and zest, a bit insubstantial. The Professor has once again spunked his pocket money on European flair and firepower - Spanish winger Santi Cazorla and strikers Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud - rather than addressing the long-standing soft-centredness that has meant that Arsenal have been the Vincibles and not won silverware of any description since 2005.

In fairness to Wenger, he's probably hoping that one of Abou Diaby, Alex Song or Emmanuel Frimpong steps up and develops into the Vieira-esque midfield enforcer the Gunners have been so sorely lacking, and the return of Jack Wilshere can't come soon enough. Meanwhile there were signs last season that Laurent Koscielny was starting to come good and that sub-editor's nightmare Wojciech Szczesny has the potential to become the top-quality 'keeper they've been without for so long. Though Wenger may maintain otherwise, Giroud and Podolski were obviously recruited to replace contract rebel Robin van Persie - but, with the Dutchman still at the Emirates for the time being, Arsenal have a formidable array of forwards to choose from. One thing's for certain - whether van Persie stays or goes, the Gunners will need to become much less Robin-reliant.

Aston Villa

I'm not sure Villa fans do joy (or indeed anything other than dour, glum and gallows humour), but even they must be feeling close to cheerily chipper at the summer's events. First of all - and most critically - despised former Bluenose Alex McLeish was given the boot, having seen his mission to relegate both Birmingham clubs in successive seasons foiled at the death. Then came his replacement, Paul Lambert, an upwardly mobile and increasingly well-respected young manager with a hunger for success and a passion for hard work. And then there are the new signings, and in particular an intriguing trio of arrivals from the Eredivisie: Moroccan midfielder Karim El Ahmadi, Australian winger Brett Holman and (after some protracted transfer shenanigans) uncompromising Dutch international defender Ron Vlaar.

Lambert has cleared out some of the old guard, selling Carlos Cuellar and James Collins, perhaps out of recognition that the club is blessed with a promising clutch of youngsters: Marc Albrighton, Barry Bannan, Ciaran Clark, Gary Gardner and potential hotshot Andreas Weimann. Add to that the fact that Darren Bent - one of the league's deadliest finishers - is back to full fitness, Charles N'Somnia must surely improve on his first season in claret and blue, and his ex-Toon colleague Shay Given has retired from international football to concentrate on his day job, and there are plenty of reasons for the perma-grumbling long-suffering Villa faithful to at least try mustering a smile.

Chelsea

Someone at Stamford Bridge seems to have decided that Arsene Wenger's transfer strategy would be worth pursuing for Chelsea too - namely, scouring the globe and hoovering up the best forwards available. The Blues can consider themselves fortunate to have landed arguably the most wanted man in Europe this summer, Belgian flying machine Eden Hazard, and have also shelled out the best part of a further £30m on Marko Marin and Oscar, one of the stars of Brazil's losing Olympic finalists. As statements of intent go, it's quite clear - they're not happy at finishing below us upstarts, and are capable of flexing their financial muscles to chilling effect.

Andre Villas-Boas' undoing was attempting to phase out some of the more senior members of the squad (John Terry and Frank Lampard, basically) too quickly, a challenge which remains for his successor. Roberto di Matteo has the cushion of a heroic salvage operation behind him (the Champions League and FA Cup - not a bad double to win), but Roman Abramovich has shown on several occasions that he's not swayed by sentiment, unprepared to allow managers to trade on former glories and ruthless at the slightest hint of trouble. Responsibility for the Italian's longevity rests at least in part with Fernando Torres, very much the main man he wanted to be now that Didier Drogba has trotted off to stud in China.

Everton

Forever the bridesmaids, Everton missed out on European football by a whisker last season, the delight at finishing above Liverpool in seventh tempered by their Merseyside rivals' qualification for the Europa League by virtue of winning the League Cup. Had they not suffered a sluggish start to the campaign and been able to get Nikica Jelavic and Steven Pienaar on board sooner, they may well have placed higher. In the Croatian, David Moyes seems to have found a figurehead for their attack, while the permanent return of prodigal son Pienaar to Goodison Park from the wilderness at Spurs has now been sealed.

The Toffees will need the South African's guile and energy, now that mercurial loanee Royston Drenthe has left, though Leon Osman has quietly established himself as one of the league's most underrated performers. Defensively Moyes' men are sound, Phil Jagielka and Johnny Heitinga providing a solid platform and Leighton Baines- still at the club despite persistent rumours of interest from Man Utd - an additional attacking threat down the left. However, the moneymen's millions have spirited away Jack Rodwell and, while Goodison Park's corner flags may be breathing a sigh of relief at no longer being used as punchbags, Evertonians will also be mourning the departure of long-term servant of the club Tim Cahill.

Fulham

Poor Fulham. Not only have they suffered the indignity of having two key members of their strikeforce, Bobby Zamora and now Andrew Johnson, poached by their former manager Mark Hughes, now in charge of their nouveau riche west London neighbours QPR; they also looked on in dismay as Pavel Pogrebnyak, an undisputed hit on loan at Craven Cottage last campaign, spurned their advances in favour of cosying up with Premier League new boys Reading. And it could get worse, with Fantasy Football fans' favourite Clint Dempsey (listed as a midfielder, plays up front) allegedly coveted by a host of clubs including Liverpool. That would have left just long-haired layabout Bryan Ruiz, if it wasn't for the fact that Martin Jol managed to pick up Mladen Petric following his release by Hamburg.

In midfield, Danny Murphy has departed, bizarrely choosing to join the circus at Blackburn rather than bow out gracefully, but the Cottagers still boast the muscle of Mahamadou Diarra, once upon a time a 26m euro signing for Real Madrid, and craft in wide areas from Moussa Dembele and Damien Duff. Much depends on the fitness of defensive lynchpin Brede Hangeland, though a breakthrough season for exciting youngster Kerim Frei would also help.

Liverpool

As was widely anticipated, lifting the League Cup wasn't enough to save King Kenny from being deposed following a miserable Premier League campaign which saw the Reds lose as many games as they won and finish a full 13 points below us in eighth. Few beyond Merseyside felt any sympathy for Dalglish or the club, though, their campaign having been blighted by the shameful Luis Suarez v Patrice Evra affair, which was as ugly as the now-departed Dirk Kuyt. Forward-thinking football philosopher Brendan Rodgers is the new man at the helm (a sharp contrast to his surly, old-school predecessor), but the clear lesson of the recent past - namely, avoid splurging obscene amounts in the domestic transfer market - doesn't seem to have been heeded. Rocky and Jordan Henderson should stand as cautionary examples, and yet £15m has still been lavished on Joe Allen, a promising enough talent but surely overpriced given that we picked up Mr T and Dreamboat for a combined total of around £8m.

The price tag that Rocky was burdened with wasn't his fault, though, and while his partnership with Suarez hasn't worked out thus far, there were signs towards the end of last season, and particularly in the FA Cup Final, that he may yet have a future at Anfield - if he can fend off the challenge of new signing Fabio Borini, that is. Also unsettled is Daniel Agger, the subject of interest from Man City - though personally I rate his central defensive partner Martin Skrtel more highly. Should the Dane leave, Rodgers is reported to be eyeing up Ashley Williams as a replacement, which would mean breaching his gentleman's agreement with former employers Swansea for a second time. Crucial to the Scousers' chances of improvement is both Steven Gerrard and Lucas Leiva staying fit.

Man City

What do you get for the man who has everything? Well, until recently - and much to the frustration of that man, Roberto Mancini - it seemed as though the answer was nothing. The Italian had refused to allow himself to get caught up in the euphoria of City's first top-tier title win since 1968, instead looking to strengthen the squad. And what a squad it already is: a superb goalkeeper (Joe Hart), the division's best defender (skipper Vincent Kompany), midfield power and finesse (Yaya Toure) and electrifying skill (David Silva, Samir Nasri, Adam Johnson) and awesome firepower (Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko, back-in-the-fold Carlos Tevez, lunatic genius Mario Balotelli). It's telling that fat-salaried strikers Emmanuel Adebayor and Roque Santa Cruz, plus John Guidetti, the Swedish forward who racked up 20 goals in 23 appearances on loan at Feyenoord last season, are nowhere near the first XI.

In the wake of Mancini's public plea for expenditure, owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed al-Nahyan finally reached down the back of the sofa and found £12m in loose change to secure the benchwarming services of Everton's Jack Rodwell. It's hard to see where else reinforcements are required - central defence appears to have been identified as one area of concern, in light of the approach for Liverpool's Agger - but Mancini will be conscious of the fact that last season's title race was far more closely contested than it should have been.

Man Utd

Quite how Man Utd were within seconds of lifting the trophy remains a mystery. Multi-million-pound signing David De Gea's Old Trafford career got off to a decidedly shaky start, though he did grow in confidence once restored to the team following Anders Lindegaard's absence through injury; with Nemanja Vidic laid up long-term, Jonny Evans, Chris Smalling, Phil Jones and the previously imperious Rio Ferdinand all looked fallible; and they were so bereft of central midfield options in January that Taggart had to coax 37-year-old Paul Scholes away from a life of tea, biscuits and Bargain Hunt in front of the fire. Though that move smacked of desperation (and certainly spoke volumes for the quality of the squad), it was completely vindicated as the midfield maestro came close to inspiring the Red Devils to glory once again.

That Man Utd squandered a nine-point lead at the top would have left them smarting enough; that it was their "noisy neighbours" who pipped them to the prize, and in such excruciating circumstances, having already humiliated them 6-1 on their own turf, will be all the inspiration they need to gain revenge in the forthcoming campaign. Taggart's response has been to sign goalscoring midfielders Shinji Kagawa from Borussia Dortmund and young prospect Nick Powell from Crewe, and to make aggressive moves for Robin van Persie. If he's able to pair the Dutchman with Wayne Rooney, then Roberto Mancini - and the rest of us - will be justifiably worried.

Norwich

There might be someone new in the Canaries' manager's office, but the club's transfer policy apparently remains the same: gradually and stealthily sign up the entire Leeds midfield. Skillful playmaker Robert Snodgrass finds himself reunited with Jonny Howson and Bradley Johnson at Carrow Road, while one-time £9m defender Michael Turner has arrived from Sunderland and midfielder Jacob Butterfield from Barnsley. Their new gaffer is Chris Hughton, who we're delighted to see getting another opportunity to manage in the top flight following his decidedly unfortunate experience on Tyneside.

This time last summer many - myself included - were speculating whether two successive promotions would mean that the Premier League was too much too soon for Norwich, but their overwhelmingly British squad exhibited stereotypically British qualities - fight, grit, determination - and no little ability to prove the sceptics wrong. No one epitomised the "Let's be 'avin' you!" spirit more than Grant Holt, the journeyman striker hitting 17 goals and claiming the club's Player of the Year award for the third consecutive season. Contractual wrangles have been ironed out, confirming that his future lies at Carrow Road, and the Canaries' fate once again rests firmly on his broad shoulders.

* * * * *

Part 2 will follow tomorrow.

Patience is a virtue

Privately he may be getting as anxious as the rest of us, but publicly at least the Silver Fox is remaining calm at the lack of big-name signings. Youthful trio Romain Amalfitano, Gael Bigirimana and, most recently, Curtis Good have all been recruited, but I doubt any of them would start the season expecting to be fixtures in the first team. With transfer rumours rumbling on - most notably Lille president Michel Seydoux rejecting another bid for Mathieu Debuchy and declaring that he'll be staying in France only for the player to reiterate his desire and determination to leave - the Silver Fox has claimed to be happy to play the waiting game and leave the negotiations to his superiors. And, in fairness, their recent track record of pulling rabbits out of hats is pretty good.

One thing that the manager can celebrate is the retention of Demba Ba. That much-publicised release clause in his contract expired at the end of July, and while that doesn't necessarily mean he won't leave, it does enable us to justifiably make any purchasing club look rather foolish for their tardiness by charging a hefty fee.

Meanwhile, like an attractive woman sick of being eyed up and pawed at on the dancefloor by a leery oaf, Rocky has finally told Fat Sam to fuck off. Whether he's spurned Fat Sam's advances because he's pining for his first love remains to be seen - and even then we may not be prepared to go as far as Liverpool demand to reciprocate those feelings. Still, John Henry and company may have other things on their mind now that shirt sponsors Standard Chartered stand accused of laundering vast sums of money in cahoots with Iran...

Red letter day

Newcastle Utd 2 - 0 Liverpool

When we played Liverpool in December, we appeared to be slightly overawed by the occasion and played Anfield and the badge rather than the game. Yesterday, we saw through the façade and comfortably outplayed a mid-table side under the control of an antiquated manager, shorn of confidence and packed full of over-rated, off-form players.

It was glorious.

With Sideshow Bob injured, Perchinho partnered Mike Williamson at centre-back, with stand-in captain Spidermag filling the left-back berth. In midfield, we welcomed back Mr T into a central trio with Dreamboat and Danny Guthrie, retaining Demba Ba, Papiss Cisse and HBA up front.

For the opposition, the prospect of at least one old boy returning to haunt us was increased by the news that the No-Necked Text Pest had recovered sufficiently to join Jose Enrique and Rocky in their starting line-up.

In truth, it was the visitors who started the better, with Rocky looking a threat and Bellamy probing down the right, causing problems for Spidermag. Having won a couple of early headers, Rocky had the game’s first real chance when he broke through on goal before knocking the ball past Tim Krul and tumbling to the floor rather than risk a shot with his weaker right foot. Thankfully, referee Lee Mason was on hand to penalise our erstwhile number nine, who was rightly booked for a shocking dive. A year and a half ago, I’d have expected Rocky to have hit the shot with his right but, shorn of confidence, his attempts to win a penalty (for someone else to take) spoke of desperation, and showed how far his stock has fallen.

(On that subject, a lot of people have been talking about how Liverpool paid over the odds for Rocky. While his price was massively inflated, the reality is that Liverpool’s fee for Torres was £15m plus whatever we wanted for Rocky, so the reality is that Chelsea overpaid for Torres which included the overpayment for Rocky – something many seem to forget).

With HBA and Enrique enjoying an even contest early on, our mercurial Frenchman was afforded space after 18 minutes when he dropped deeper to collect the ball. With nobody closing him down, he was able to cut onto his left foot and launch an inch-perfect cross to the back post for Papiss Cisse to squeeze a header back across Pepe Reina’s goal and in off the far post to notch his sixth goal for the club since he inherited Rocky’s old shirt.

While Liverpool continued to press, we stood relatively firm – although Williamson was perhaps slightly fortunate to get away with some fairly close marking of Rocky at a set piece, and Danny Simpson cleared the ball off the line from a corner with what looked like his upper arm rather than shoulder. Thankfully, both referee and linesman were unsighted, so no penalty was forthcoming on either occasion. On a side note, I’ve lost count of the number of goal-line clearances Danny Simpson has managed this season, but his approach to defending set pieces is a heartwarming addition to the team (and a far cry from the Little Waster’s attempts in the past).

Neither side made personnel changes at the break, but I expected Liverpool to seek to capitalise on Spidermag’s inexperience at left-back. However, in truth Liverpool barely troubled us after the interval. With HBA, Demba Ba and Cisse all looking lively for us, a second goal always seemed to be on the cards and it arrived after a fine run by HBA. His ball fed Ba, who crossed to the on-rushing HBA, who looked to get the slightest of touches out to Cisse (who had been in an offside position in the build-up) and our new number nine kept his cool to cut inside and side-foot the ball into the net and make it seven goals in seven games.

From there Kenny Dalglish pulled off both the No-Necked Text Pest and Rocky, the latter last seen storming down the tunnel in disgust. Liverpool huffed and puffed, but on the odd occasion when they managed to break forward they found both Williamson and Perchinho in fine form, the latter producing one excellent block when Suarez was well placed to shoot.

The final blow came towards the end, when Big Lad won a corner. The ball was swung in and eventually fell to Reina. The Reds 'keeper grasped it as Perchinho swept in, leaving his foot in after the ball had been gathered to concede a free kick. Seemingly incensed by the foul, Reina reacted badly and looked to aim a head-butt at Perchinho, which prompted our man to fling himself to the floor. While the headbutt made minimal contact, the referee was left with no option but to send off Reina (and book Perchinho for the original foul). Our visitors having used all three of their subs, Jose Enrique was pressed into service as an emergency goalkeeper.

Disappointingly, we weren’t able to test him, but equally we never looked remotely troubled as we kept the ball calmly and saw the match out to complete a comprehensive victory over an incredibly expensively assembled team of misfiring old boys.

As the ground reverberated to chants of "Jose Enrique, we’re in the top six", Enrique must have regretted his tweet "The club will never again fight to be among the top 6 again with this policy". Ironically for us the biggest negative is likely to be Reina’s red card, with the Spaniard now ruled out of Liverpool’s FA Cup semi-final against Everton (which we could do with them winning).

The win saw us pull ten points clear of Everton who now occupy seventh spot, and put us back level with Chelsea in fifth. Plaudits all round, with only the sight of Guthrie clutching his calf a slight cause for concern. Massive credit must go to our back four and Krul for the clean sheet, with Williamson and Perchinho both deserving of hearty praise. While we may have been critical of both in the past, yesterday they were excellent and it speaks volumes for the coaching staff that the sight of Perchinho running out as part of the team no longer sends a shudder down my spine the way it once did.

A Liverpool fan's perspective: Liverpool Football Club Blog (whose author couldn't bear to write up his side's sixth Premier League defeat in seven and instead just listed his five favourite sea creatures...)

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Agent Enrique, we salute you

Here's to Jose Enrique, who seems not to have forsaken us. A dreadful cock-up in injury time at Loftus Road last night handed Jamie Mackie the goal that completed a remarkable comeback for hosts QPR over Liverpool, who were two up and cruising with just 13 minutes remaining. The result leaves "King" Kenny's Scousers with a mightily unimpressive four defeats in five league games and ensures the five-point gap is maintained.

There was equally good news from the Etihad too, with the side immediately above us also suffering from a stirring comeback by their opponents. Man City were trailing to Gary Cahill's deflected goal until a Sergio Aguero penalty and a moment of magic from renaissance man Carlos Tevez and Samir Nasri sealed the win.

However, both our rivals have home games on Saturday - Chelsea against totally out-of-sorts Spurs and Liverpool against relegation-haunted Wigan - so our position could be less rosy by the time we kick off at the Hawthorns on Sunday afternoon.

Ba's French fancy

What with the transfer window being open, it was never going to be long before we had our first case of verbal diarrhoea. "I have always supported PSG and it's a club that is enticing but it will be difficult to do that in January", Demba Ba has been quoted as saying. The player's denial - or at least the claim that the comments were taken out of context - followed swiftly afterwards.

Ba's hometown club wouldn't be alone in taking an interest in our striker, with pretty much all six clubs currently above us in the table reportedly keen. As yet, though, no offers have been forthcoming - and that despite Droopy's attempts to flog him for us. Ever the wheeler-dealer, eh, 'Arry? Keep your fleshy beak and the rest of your flabby face out of our business.

If, hypothetically speaking, Ba was to be sold, then speculation's been rife that his replacement could be the man he himself replaced - rumours rubbished by Rocky's agent as well as his manager Kenny Dalglish. While the prospect of re-signing the striker for £25m less than we sold him would clearly be appealing, it's a moot point, really: we play a different style of football now without a bullying presence up front, and Jabba would be very unlikely to sanction a transfer fee or wages that hefty. Still, stranger things have happened on Tyneside.

Might we soon find ourselves linked with another old boy, though? It seems Sebastien Bassong is getting frustrated at warming Droopy's bench, we're in the market for a central defender, and a left-footer would complement Sideshow Bob nicely. Incidentally, that particular hole definitely won't be plugged by former triallist Darnel Situ, who has now finally signed for Swansea.

Jingle Bellers

Liverpool 3 - 1 Newcastle Utd

So, as feared, our horrendous run of results at Anfield continued and the curse of the old boy did indeed strike - but it was the No-Necked Text Pest whose brace did the damage, Rocky contriving to leave the scoresheet untroubled. Steven Gerrard came on to grab the Scousers' third, and is probably off out celebrating in time-honoured fashion as I write.

While the demotion of Leon O'Best to the bench was expected, the Silver Fox sprung a selection surprise by choosing to replace him with Haris Vuckic rather than HBA, the player whose goal had been the vital spark in the Boxing Day win at Bolton. Vuckic seemed to have been asked to occupy an advanced midfield role in a 4-5-1 formation, but the ploy never really worked, not least because the Slovenian youngster was lost and off the pace from the first whistle.

Had the first real shot of the game, a long-ranger from the home side's Charlie Adam, flown in, the assist would have had to have been credited to referee Lee Probert for intercepting Obertan Kenobi's dribble out of defence. That effort rose over the bar, though Stewart Downing brought Tim Krul into action low down at his near post.

However, on 25 minutes we were the side that nudged in front - somewhat fortuitously it has to be said. While Vuckic jogged to the touchline for treatment after getting belted in the face, Raylor whipped a curling right-footed cross in from the left which Dreamboat, deep in the area, flicked goalwards with his head. With Demba Ba breathing down his neck, Daniel Agger shouldered the ball past Jose Reina, who had already committed himself to diving to his left.

Rattled by that setback, Liverpool responded with a flurry of balls into our box. When Adam's low cross from the right was prodded partially clear by Mr T, the No-Necked Text Pest was perfectly positioned to arrow a shot into the bottom left-hand corner, Mike Williamson having shifted to his left to unwittingly create the necessary gap.

It could have got worse before the break, with Martin Skrtel - looking slightly less like a neo-Nazi, now he's got some hair - heading narrowly wide and our left flank looking vulnerable owing to the bookings collected by both Spidermag and Raylor.

The latter made way for Davide Santon at the interval, but we remained on the back foot. Dreamboat made a wince-inducing challenge on Jay Spearing that went unpunished (but that may well result in retrospective disciplinary action), but otherwise it was the hapless Rocky who was the focus, fluffing opportunities aplenty including one moment when he miscontrolled a perfect pass over the defence straight into Krul's hands.

That ball had been delivered by Gerrard, by now on for Adam, while the Silver Fox belatedly made the right decision and replaced Vuckic with HBA on 65 minutes. Two minutes later, though, we were behind. Probert's award of a free-kick to Liverpool for a Mr T challenge on Agger was appalling, but from that point we - and by that I mean Danny Simpson - should have defended it better. With everyone in place, Simpson suddenly backpedalled frantically to the line as if tracking an imaginary runner, then advanced again just as the No-Necked Text Pest struck the dead ball. Sadly, it was enough to distract the normally infallible Krul and the ball squeezed between 'keeper and defender and flew in.

Ba, so often our saviour this season, very nearly hauled us level, a clever run and angled shot somehow hacked off the line by Skrtel with the away end howling at the linesman to award a goal. For Liverpool, though, Rocky was getting closer, thumping a header off the crossbar. Having provided that cross, Gerrard opted to take matters into his own hands, bursting untracked onto a Jordan Henderson pass and slipping the ball through Krul's legs from an acute angle.

At that point all ambition, hope and belief seemed to evaporate and we played out the final quarter of an hour like a side incapable of conceiving that salvaging a draw might still be possible. Little Big Lad replaced Obertan Kenobi but was no better in terms of trickery or penetration, and our only consolation was the fact that an aerial confrontation with the magnificent Sideshow Bob had seen the home side's two-goal striker leave the pitch prematurely with a bloodied face. Like Dreamboat, our skipper can perhaps also expect to hear from the FA.

This was our fifth league defeat of the season, and while not our worst it certainly wasn't particularly pretty. Perhaps most worryingly, it was the first time we'd taken the lead and lost - hopefully not the reappearance of an all-too-familiar failing...

A Liverpool fan's view: Liverpool Football Club Blog

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

The only way is up neither up nor down

Could talk of the all-important 40-point mark, "relegation six-pointers" and "squeaky bum time" become a thing of the past? It might if certain unnamed foreign owners of Premier League clubs have their way.

Without the possibility of promotion or the threat of relegation, the game would be immeasurably poorer - no excitement, no sense of uncertainty, no point. But, as ludicrous as the idea of doing away with them might sound, that's already the situation in Scotland, where there's no straightforward route from the regional leagues up into the national leagues and vice versa. A friend of mine supports Forres Mechanics, who were founder members of the Highland Football League in 1893 and have been stuck there ever since, managing to win the title just once in all that time. How the fans are able to sum up any interest or enthusiasm is completely beyond me.

Even those for whom we have precious little time have been voicing their opposition to the potential proposal. Taggart lambasted it as "suicide" and 'Appy 'Arry labelled it "scandalous". Grudging credit where it's due, but even Deluded Dave has branded it as "the most stupid suggestion I've ever heard in my life" - a more significant stance than those of Taggart and 'Appy 'Arry simply because the Premier League becoming a closed shop would be to Wigan's benefit. (The Latics owner actually threatened to withdraw his club from the league if the idea became reality - as things stand, Saturday's visitors to St James' Park could be waving the Premier League farewell regardless...)

Of course, it's tempting to speculate who might be behind the suggestion. Not hard to imagine that Blackburn owners Venkys might be guilty of fowl play, given that it would keep their dead men walking in the division. I wouldn't put it past Liverpool either, American owner John Henry being used to the franchise system in the US and managing director Ian Ayre having voiced a much-publicised disregard for what's fair in pursuit of narrow self-interest.*

Thankfully, even if there was some momentum behind the proposal, the FA would apparently retain the right to veto it. So they might yet prove their worth after all...

(* Incidentally, here's True Faith's eloquent commentary on Ayre's remarks.)

Update

Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore has dismissed the suggestion as "ridiculous", claiming that no owners have actually declared their support for it - and indeed Blackburn and Liverpool are among those who've come out to announce they're satisfied with the current system. A storm in a teacup, then, it seems, and one that leaves League Managers' Association chief Richard Bevan (who made the initial comments) looking a little bit foolish.

Still, it's interesting that Man City and the Mackems refused to comment on the issue, and Arsenal actually announced they "did not have a stance". Surely you're either for the status quo or you want change?

Have you ever seen a Latic in Milan?

Another day, another thinly veiled jibe from Deluded Dave Whelan. Responding to Liverpool managing director Ian Ayre's controversial appeal for the right for Premier League clubs to be able to negotiate their own overseas TV deals, the Wigan chairman said: "What we have is the finest league in the whole world and what Liverpool are calling for would absolutely wreck it. The likes of Wigan, Bolton, Blackburn, Wolves, Sunderland and Newcastle couldn't compete". Whelan's attempt to equate his tinpot club and ours in terms of overseas fanbase and interest is laughable. Were Ayre to get his way, we'd be in a far more secure position than Wigan.

An incensed Whelan declared: "It is absolutely scandalous. It would kill Wigan Athletic. It would kill Blackburn". Dave, while I agree with the sentiment (any change to the rules would plough up any residual notion of a level playing field), statements like that do a good job of convincing me that Ayre might be on to something after all...

Adios amigo

So, after contract negotiation avoidance, Twitter outbursts and weeks if not months of speculation, Jose Enrique has finally swapped St James' Park for Anfield. The writing was on the wall yesterday, with the publication of a posed photo from the medical - a besuited doctor taking the Spaniard's blood pressure while he grinned from ear to ear, wearing a Liverpool T-shirt.

As so often seems to be the case with players who've left Tyneside, his initial comments appeared as much a barbed commentary on his former employers as a glowing endorsement of his new club: "I am excited by the new signings - it shows Liverpool's ambition. They spent a lot of money in January on Andy and Luis Suarez, and this summer they've spent a lot of money on other players. You can see they have big ambitions and that's why I came here - because I want to win things and I think I can do that here". Jabba will no doubt again be nettled by his words, but this time has no recourse to a fine.

The protracted, rather unsavoury and messy nature of Enrique's departure shouldn't detract from the fact that, after a couple of seasons finding his feet in English football, he was tremendous in our promotion season and again as we reacclimatised to life in the top flight. My reaction is more of frustration and disappointment than outright anger - the increasingly inevitability of the move put paid to that. For his part, Alan Pardew expressed a kind of resigned and wearied acceptance, reading from the Jabba-prepared script about the importance of financial stability while bemoaning the loss of another of his star men.

Liverpool can congratulate themselves on picking up a skillful and accomplished defender who was among the Premier League's very best in his position last season, and for a very respectable fee - roughly the same as we paid Villareal when he was still a raw and unproven 21-year-old.

As with Rocky, though, the Scousers have contrived to cause us maximum damage by leaving the deal so late. We still have more than two weeks to find a replacement (Erik Pieters, hopefully) before the transfer window shuts, but with no natural substitute at the club and Shane Ferguson injured, we face the prospect of trying to beat Arsenal in tomorrow's curtain-opener with Danny Simpson, James Perch or even Steven Taylor at left-back...

Anfield crap

Liverpool 3 - 0 Newcastle Utd

A depressingly familiar goalless return from Anfield (our last goal on the red side of Stanley Park coming in December 2004) saw Newcastle remain on 41 points, just above the relegation dog-fight.

With the game still in its infancy, and after some good early play by Newcastle, Mike Williamson's poor defensive header fell to Maxi Rodriguez, who volleyed the ball goalwards. The ball looked to be heading straight for Tim Krul, only for Danny Simpson to react and, in doing so, divert the ball away from the keeper and into the net.

After that, we huffed and puffed without ever really looking like we could draw level before half-time. Our best chance fell to Kevin Nolan, whose shot on the turn from the corner of the area sailed harmlessly wide of the goal.

After the break, and after ASBO had missed our best opportunity when he shot wide of the Liverpool goal, a further defensive mistake by Williamson gave Liverpool a cushion which was never troubled. This time, our centre-half tried to shepherd a long ball out of play, only to get it horribly wrong and allow Luis Suarez to nip past him and keep the ball in play, leaving Williamson to haul the Uruguayan to the ground on the edge of the area, with one-time Toon target Dirk Kuyt slotting home the resultant penalty.

Suarez added a third a few moments later and the only notable occurrence after that was the introduction of Rocky, to a decidedly hostile reaction from the away following. However, he didn't need to respond, with the home team comfortably seeing out the remainder of the match.

With Williamson in particular enduring a particularly miserable afternoon, and a distinct lack of a cutting edge up front, this was a pretty lousy end-of-season performance with the victory going to the side who played like they weren't mentally halfway to the beach.

A Liverpool fan's view: Liverpool Football Club Blog

Other reports: BBC, Guardian