Loic who's looking on at the Emirates

When Loic Remy took up compatriot Bacary Sagna's invitation to sit in his executive box at the Emirates to take in Arsenal's victory over West Brom on Sunday, he must surely have known it would give fresh life to transfer rumours that have been bubbling under for a while. Needless to say, our loan striker is now being heavily linked with a summer move to the Gunners - even if his chum Sagna may well be on his way out.

Even if we had both the will and the finances (the former likely, the latter not), our prospects of signing Remy on a permanent basis would be slim given the interest his goalscoring exploits have aroused, and choosing Arsenal over us would be a no-brainer. The deal would make perfect sense for the Gunners, too, who are overly reliant on Olivier Giroud, a player who has regularly found the net this season but can't offer the sort of pace and mobility that Remy would bring.

As I argued of Demba Ba, we would have no grounds for complaint if Remy were to decide to seek his fortune in London rather than stay on Tyneside. On the contrary, he deserves to be thanked for his considerable efforts in hauling a sputtering, otherwise goalshy side to a top-half finish and sent on his way with our very best wishes.

No contest

Arsenal 3 - 0 Newcastle Utd

Well, that was everything we expected, and worse. Arsenal could and should have butchered us, but instead - like a particularly sadistic cat toying with a poor, defenceless mouse - they lazily purred their way to victory, only bloodying their claws three times. Needless to say, though, this was more than enough to secure three points against a side that had lost its previous five matches, had scored one solitary goal in that time, and last salvaged a point from a two-goal deficit in that 4-4 draw with the Gunners in February 2011.

The spirit, determination and tenacity that came to the fore in the extraordinary second half of that match were nowhere to be seen on an evening when we surrendered without even pretending to put up a fight. Arsenal may have been driven on by the prospect of taking a decisive lead over Everton in the race for fourth place, but this was a result that owed less to their effort and more to our staggering lack of it.

The restoration of Mathieu Debuchy and Loic Remy to the starting XI was anticipated, though not their compatriot Moussa Sissoko's recovery from injury - and it was the midfielder's return that initially looked to be the most significant. After a slow opening period during which our hosts held sway and Mesut Ozil fired narrowly wide, Sissoko started to come to prominence with some direct, powerful runs suggestive of a man who had spent his time on the treatment table watching videos of Yaya Toure. Sadly the end product wasn't there, most notably when he curled a shot high over the bar after rampaging through the Gunners' defence.

Sod's law, then, that Sissoko was twice at fault in the build-up to the opening goal. First he gave away a free-kick (and collected a yellow card) for tugging back Olivier Giroud, and then he allowed Santi Cazorla's flighted ball to run across him for his man Laurent Koscielny to prod past Tim Krul. That we had succeeded in making a very average set-piece look like a work of genius was underlined when Remy hit an identical dead ball soon afterwards only for Wojciech Szczesny to claim it without there being any hint we might score.

Other than that, our feeble response to falling behind came in the form of long-rangers from Mr T and Debuchy. The latter's regular advanced positioning, with Mini V filling in at right-back as required, bore all the hallmarks of a Silver Fox stroke of tactical genius, in that it didn't work. In fact, quite the opposite - the switching left our back line in disarray and resulted in the second goal. Giroud sprang the offside trap, if it's not too ridiculous to refer to it as such, and Krul saved his shots not once but twice. But our luck was as unbelievably rotten as our performance and on the second occasion the ball deflected perfectly to Ozil, who - despite being offside - tapped in, through Debuchy's legs just to make it smart even more.

Krul will have had been particularly aggrieved, and not just because his defence had hung him out to dry - he had previously done well to keep out two attempts from Lukas Podolski (one a shot and the other a header) and suddenly looked like the only player in Toon colours who actually gave a shit, also repelling a Cazorla drive.

Half-time came and went with no discernible change to our gameplan (such as it was), but we did at least muster a chance worthy of the name before an hour was up. Remy showed deft control and set Goofy in on goal, but though he outpaced Nacho Monreal, the Spaniard succeeded in forcing him wider than desirable and Szczesny had few difficulties in gathering the ensuing shot.

Predictably, that roused a response from Arsenal, who made our players look like training-ground cones with their third. Aaron Ramsey drew a defender before passing to Ozil, whose flashing cross was bulleted home via Giroud's forehead, no one bothering to offer a semblance of marking.

That was the cue for the Silver Fox to swap one sack of uselessness for another - in other words, Gosling for Big Lad - but the improbable improvement never materialised. Neither did it when MYM or Adam Armstrong came on, the latter far too late to have an impact and the former replacing a clearly disgruntled Debuchy who refused to make eye contact with the Silver Fox upon being withdrawn. Indeed, it was the Gunners who could have extended their lead, Podolski's shot close to ruffling the side netting. Our final opportunity fell to Paul Dummett from a dinked Sissoko cross, but the inexperienced defender proved himself to be both of those things with a wild volley high into the stands.

Before kick-off, the Silver Fox had claimed he was "looking forward" to being back in the dug-out after his ban, but perhaps didn't contemplate the fact that it made him a more obvious and visible target for the vitriol of his critics. The away section appeared practically unanimous in their condemnation of him and his employer, some fans having sensibly feared the worst and brought pre-prepared banners which were duly unfurled as the game petered out.

Chances are he has only two more fixtures to endure before being relieved of his duties. If only we could be relieved of our duty to support Newcastle...

An Arsenal fan's perspective: A Cultured Left Foot (nice to see supporters of other clubs recognising the lack of pride and respect the current side is showing us fans)

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Olivier twist seals close encounter

Newcastle Utd 0 - 1 Arsenal

A Frenchman on target at St James' Park - nothing new there. It was just unfortunate that said Frenchman wasn't wearing black and white, Olivier Giroud the matchwinner on a day when Arsenal returned to the top of the Premier League but we matched them every step of the way.

We had the psychological fillip of going into the final match of 2013 off the back of having scored eight goals in two games (albeit against woeful opposition) and in the knowledge we were up against a side that has been faltering of late and was missing key men Mesut Ozil and Aaron Ramsey. The victories over Chelsea, Spurs and Man Utd mean we shouldn't fear anyone, even if Arsenal did promise to pose slightly different problems - primarily, getting hold of the ball...

His suspension served, Mr T was always likely to come straight back into the team. HBA was arguably our man of the match against Stoke, his darting runs on goal setting the tone for our attempts to go for the jugular in the second half, but found himself omitted to accommodate the returning midfielder. An unfortunate case of last in, first out - but, in truth, a sensible move on the Silver Fox's part as it would give the centre backs additional protection from the Gunners' dynamic midfield.

That midfield broadly controlled the first half, though Mr T and Mini V were usefully combative and chances for those in red and white were largely restricted to shots from distance from the likes of Santi Cazorla that barely troubled Tim Krul. Not that we were creating much more, our brightest moment coming when an overlapping Mathieu Debuchy was inches away from controlling a raking long-range pass from his mucker Dreamboat. Given all the praise Everton's full-backs have been getting of late for their contributions offensively, Debuchy deserves similar plaudits - but perhaps it's best we keep quiet about that and hope he continues to be able to advance unnoticed as our secret weapon.

Debuchy it was who came closest to breaking the deadlock just before the interval. Moussa Sissoko's searing drive was tipped over by Wojciech Szczesny but from the resulting corner the Polish 'keeper could only watch as Debuchy's far-post header looped onto the face of the bar and away via Jack Wilshere's brow.

The second period was just over 15 minutes old when the Silver Fox elected to replace Goofy with HBA. The former was no doubt as disappointed as we were that his impressive record of scoring in consecutive home matches had come to an end, but it was nevertheless a positive move from the manager - albeit one that was immediately followed by us falling behind. Mr T's soft foul gave Theo Walcott the opportunity to loft a free-kick into the area which Giroud glanced beyond Krul. Initially Mike Williamson looked to be at fault (something that might have harmed his chances of a trip to Brazil), but in truth he was left high and dry by his skipper, Sideshow Bob switching off at the vital moment.

Debuchy was then called upon to perform heroics to keep us in the game, athletically heading onto the bar and clear after Walcott's shot had been saved by Krul. It wasn't going to be our day, though, as was made apparent when Szczesny's sloppy clearance whacked off Loic Remy's mug but bounced wide, leaving the striker nursing a headache without the consolation of a goal.

Big Lad's introduction at the expense of Mini V was a clear signal of intent, but the decision to replace Sissoko with Massadio Haidara was more puzzling, seeing Davide Santon moved to the right side of midfield. Surely Debuchy would have been better in that role, with Santon switching full-back positions, or alternatively we could have thrown on a natural midfielder or forward in the form of Little Big Lad or Papiss Cisse?

As we applied late pressure to the Gunners' goal, Mathieu Flamini's challenge on his compatriot and namesake Debuchy could and perhaps should have seen us awarded a fourth penalty in three matches. Big Lad caused some consternation to Per Mertesacker and company, and HBA committed defenders with his pace and trickery but shot harmlessly wide on two occasions when passes were a better option.

On Match Of The Day 2, Wor Al charitably praised the Gunners for winning ugly - essentially a euphemism for playing badly but emerging undeservedly victorious. We may have once again failed to beat a side fast becoming one of our bogey teams, but this was a far cry from the 7-3 battering suffered at the Emirates exactly a year earlier and we shouldn't be disconsolate as there was plenty to give encouragement for the rest of the season - not least Arsene Wenger's post-match declaration that he won't be renewing his attempts to lure Dreamboat to the Emirates in the transfer window.

Arsenal fans' perspectives: A Cultured Left Foot, Arseblog, East Lower, Goodplaya, Gunnerblog

Other reports: BBC, Guardian (in which TBW does her best to start an HBA-to-Arsenal rumour)

Two Unfortunates twice unfortunate

It was a case of close but no cigar at the Football Supporters' Federation Awards last night, as the blog for which I occasionally moonlight, The Two Unfortunates, missed out on the trophies in the two categories for which it was nominated - Independent Website of the Year and Blogger of the Year. No shame in that - though there was in the fact that I queued up to get the signature of Player of the Year Luis Suarez but didn't bother to ask ex-Toon left-back Olivier Bernard for his. As the other half of Black & White & Read All Over has pointed out, I chose to shun a passionate anti-racism campaigner and yet shook hands with someone previously banned for using a racist term. I'm blaming the complimentary wine.

From a Newcastle perspective, interest was provided in the form of the opening remarks from the FSF's Toon-supporting chief executive Kevin Miles. Aside from the predictable comments about it being nice to be at the Emirates Stadium and not cursing another mauling, and about an unfamiliarity with trophies, he concluded by proposing JFK as a readymade replacement for AVB to Spurs...

Meanwhile, the Fanzine of the Year category saw True Faith up against Mackem rag A Love Supreme, but neither was victorious, the award instead going to the non-club-affiliated (and rather childishly named) Stand Against Modern Football.

The Two Unfortunates contingent were sharing our table with the duo behind the Man City podcast Bluemoon (harshly pitched against the likes of the Guardian's Football Weekly, which won) and a couple of staff who work on fan liaison at Arsenal and who were the recipients of the Away Day of the Year award. Those of a cynical nature might have been forgiven for raising an eyebrow and wondering how ticket prices for travelling fans at the Emirates squared with the FSF's own Twenty's Plenty campaign... We would have had another award-winner on our table, had Sky commentator Martin Tyler elected to sit in his designated place rather than elsewhere in the room.

While Tyler might not have been keen to rub shoulders with nerdy internet oiks like us (even ones who'd made an attempt to scrub up for the occasion), other mainstream media award-winners were quick to praise. The Torygraph's Henry Winter (Writer of the Year) and the team behind Football Weekly seized the opportunity to hail the efforts of semi-professionals and amateurs doing what they do as a labour of love. Magnanimous or patronising? In Winter's case, perhaps the latter - his comments came across as somewhat glib.

And finally a mention of the food, and in particular a main course of steak and ale pie, mash and peas that was at once a knowing nod to traditional matchday grub and a significantly superior version of it. If the pies you get at grounds were even half as good as that one, I'd be very happy indeed.

"Derisory"? Yes, but I don't see anyone laughing

(I'll leave Paul with the unenviable task of reliving yesterday evening's truly nightmarish start to the new season, but feel compelled to comment on the Dreamboat situation.)

One of the benefits of our poor performance last year is that our prized assets, many of whom were distinctly off-colour, have been somewhat forgotten about over the course of the summer, with the club not forced to entertain or respond to any bids. All that changed yesterday, though, when it was revealed that Dreamboat had been the subject of a £10m bid from Arsenal.

Like ourselves, the Gunners have endured a summer of frustration, missing out on Gonzalo Higuain and Luis Gustavo and (thus far, at least) failing to secure Luis Suarez's release by Liverpool. All that stress, compounded by an alarming opening day defeat at home to Villa, appears to have got to Arsene Wenger - normally dour, he's suddenly cracked up into quite the comedian. Our French captain in waiting was arguably one of our most underachieving players last season, but even still £10m is indeed a "derisory" amount and we'll be fully justified in rejecting the bid out of hand.

Unfortunately, though, that's not the end of the story. As an irritated Silver Fox commented, "To bid on the eve of a game was not necessary. They could have bid when this game was over and it would not have been any further down the line." The upshot of the unsolicited bid was that while Dreamboat travelled to Manchester, he was left out of the squad, the Silver Fox claiming his "head had been messed with".

Not that it would take much to mess with his head, I suspect, given his previous talk of agents working busily for him trying to engineer a move to one of "the big clubs". Despite their distinct and embarrassing lack of silverware for eight long years, Arsenal would constitute such a club (particularly if they can negotiate their Champions League qualification double-header against Fenerbahce). All the same, while Dreamboat might be angling for a move to the Emirates, any deal would have to be struck on our terms - and that would mean the Gunners offering to stump up an awful lot more cash.

Know Your Enemies 2013/4: Part 1

Saturday sees the Premier League kick off for a new season - so let's start our preview by assessing just what we're up against over the next ten months. Disclaimer: the predictions and forecasts that follow may turn out to bear laughably little resemblance to reality...

Arsenal

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Or perhaps that should be one basket-case, given that this is unhinged arm-chomper and thoroughly detestable human being Luis Suarez we're talking about. Arsene Wenger has spent the summer single-mindedly pursuing the Uruguayan striker's signature, for which he's prepared to smash the club's previously modest transfer record - and yet that pursuit has (thus far, at least) been fruitless.

Last season Laurent Koscielny and Per Mertesacker gave the Gunners a more secure platform defensively, summer recruits Olivier Giroud and Lukas Podolski gradually acclimatised to life at the Emirates and Theo Walcott did an admirable job of attempting to plug the gap left by Robin van Persie's departure to Man Utd. But the stark reality for the club, manager and fans is that they remain without a trophy of any description since 2005 and, while with Suarez they might have the faintest whiff of a chance of breaking into the top three, without him they're once again also-rans playing for fourth place.

Aston Villa

Paul Lambert may have looked like a broken man at times last season, but survival with a few games to spare just about validated his transfer policy, team selection and tactics. This summer Villa acted swiftly and decisively to secure their key targets, all aged 23 or under - defenders Jores Okore and Antonio Luna, midfielder Leandro Bacuna, winger Alexandar Tonev and striker Nicklas Helenius. Evidence of a good scouting network and some careful groundwork - take note please, Silver Fox, JFK and Jabba...

This new clutch of youthful international talent will add to what the Villains already have, Matthew Lowton having proven a sound signing and Andreas Weimann and Fabian Delph both beginning to live up to their potential under Lambert's tutelage. Of course, most significant of all is Christian Benteke's decision to withdraw a hasty transfer request and sign a new deal, though overdependence on their star striker remains a serious danger. I still feel Darren Bent has been ostracised unnecessarily - in tandem with the Belgian, he could conceivably help fire Villa into the top half of the table.

Cardiff

2012/3 was something of an annus mirabilis for Welsh football: Swansea lifting the League Cup and thereby qualifying for Europe, Newport edging out Wrexham at Wembley to secure a return to the Football League after a quarter of a century away, and Cardiff managing to avoid crumbling like Caerphilly cheese, finally holding their nerve long enough to win the Championship and promotion to the top flight. Vindication perhaps for Vincent Tan, who had argued for the Bluebirds' controversial switch to red shirts on the dubious grounds that all the most successful teams wear red.

Tan has been equally bold this summer in allowing manager Malkay Mackay to break the club's transfer record on no fewer than three occasions, with Danish striker Andreas Cornelius, Spurs defender Steven Caulker and aggressive Chile midfielder Gary Medel all recruited. Medel will be teaming up with another infamous walking red card, a certain No-Necked Text Pest, who probably thought his Premier League days were over. More's the pity. Let's just hope he doesn't come back to bite us.

Chelsea

The ego has landed, again! In all the excitement over the return of the self-proclaimed Special One - the media swooning in eager anticipation of his breathtaking arrogance, enigmatic eyebrow-arching and entertainingly expert ruffling of feathers - few have queried the wisdom of the move. Revisiting the scene of previous managerial success rarely ends happily - not that Jose Mario dos Santos Mourinho Felix's first spell in charge ended happily either. He twice took Chelsea to the title and has since won the Champions League (as have the Blues, with Roberto di Matteo at the helm). Surely the man who could once upon a time have been our assistant manager has nothing to gain and everything to lose?

All the same, the calibre of the squad at his disposal is arguably the best in the league. Was it really only two years ago that we finished above Chelsea? That would be inconceivable now. Andre Schurrle and Marco van Ginkel have bolstered their options in midfield and forward areas, while the return of  Belgian loanees Kevin de Bruyne and especially Romelu Lukaku to line up alongside compatriot Eden Hazard makes them an even more formidable prospect. Rafa Benitez's tenure may already seem like a distant dream, but his legacy was not only the Europa League trophy but also the conversion of David Luiz, the subject of unwanted attention from Barcelona this summer, from an ill-disciplined central defender mocked by Gary Neville to an accomplished defensive midfielder. Mourinho might not actually need to work any magic of his own to lift another title.

Crystal Palace

And so to another London club whose manager's pronouncements are media manna and who have made a significant (if somewhat lower-profile) recruit from Spain. Like fellow promotees Cardiff, Palace have gone to Sevilla in search of midfield reinforcement and returned with the country's U20 captain Jose Campana. Quite a coup, though, it may unsettle Mile Jedinak, the Australian crowned the club's player of the year last season despite stiff competition from the now departed Wilfried Zaha.

Up front, while more limited than the likes of Grant Holt and Ricky Lambert before him, Glenn Murray will be hoping to prove himself another meat-and-potatoes striker unpalatable to the delicate stomachs of Premier League defenders. He's now been joined by Dwight Gayle, a revelation at Posh but an expensive gamble for Palace, and Arsenal's no-trick showpony Marouane Chamakh. However well those three do, though, is likely to be negated by a defence in which Peter Ramage is considered a stalwart.

Everton

Since his appointment as David Moyes' replacement at Goodison Park, Roberto Martinez has - perhaps inevitably - regarded former club Wigan much as a famished tramp might regard an eat-all-you-like buffet. The ink had hardly dried on his new contract when he beat us to the signature of Arouna Kone as well as getting his sticky paws on the Ivorian's Latics team-mate Antolin Alcaraz and Atletico Madrid's JJB Stadium loanee Joel Robles. Few would be surprised if James McCarthy or Massadio Haidara's chum Callum McManaman were to tread that well-trodden path before the closure of the transfer window too.

With Nikica Jelavic falling into poor form and Victor Anichebe inconsistent (except against us), Kone will serve as a focal point for Everton's attack, aided and abetted by Gerard Deulofeu, an eyecatching loan signing from Barcelona. At the time of writing at least, Martinez can still call upon the services of Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines, while Kevin Mirallas is yet another Belgian increasingly at home in the Premier League. Where the Toffees might come unstuck, though, is in defence, the Spaniard's brand of fluent football generally coming at the expense of clean sheets. Paired with Alcaraz, the ageing Sylvain Distin or the past-it John Heitinga, Phil Jagielka will probably be left feeling like King Canute.

Fulham

Fulham bade farewell to Mohamed Al Fayed this summer, welcoming luxuriantly moustached new owner Shahid Khan, and there has also been a changing of the guard between the posts, with Mark Schwarzer making the short but improbable hop to Stamford Bridge to be replaced by Maarten Stekelenburg. The Dutch international might be ten years his Australian counterpart's junior, but, at 30, he hardly helps give the Cottagers' ageing squad a youthful feel - and neither do fellow new boys Derek Boateng and Fernando Amorebieta, aged 29 and 30 respectively. All it would take for Fulham to pitch up in peril, you suspect, would be a global shortage of cod liver oil...

At least full-back Sascha Riether, now a permanent signing, gives some energy on the right flank, though Martin Jol's decision to help alleviate 'Appy 'Arry's wage bill burden by borrowing Adel Taarabt is mystifying - he couldn't get the best out of the mercurial Moroccan when at Spurs, since when the latter has repeatedly flattered to deceive in the top flight. Like the Michael Jackson statue Al Fayed erected outside the ground, you wonder how long Jol might survive in situ under the new regime.

Hull

Shahid Khan might own Jacksonville Jaguars, but it's Hull 's Assem Allam who appears determined to rebrand his club as an NFL-style franchise. Hull City Tigers? They'll be playing at the Frosties Bowl any day now... Whatever, the Tigers' promotion gives us the opportunity to renew hostilities with Ol' Cauliflower Face - one plastic Geordie following in the footsteps of another, Phil Brown. How long before we see the first half-time team bollocking on the pitch?

In fairness to Agent Bruce, he did do an excellent job at the Mackems - as did Agent Graham (£5m of their money squandered in return for no goals whatsoever). Perhaps that mutual bond is what's drawn them together. While Charlie Austin failed a medical, George Boyd signed permanently - presumably the Tigers' eye test is rather less strenuous than Forest's... Also joining the gold-clad ranks are two goalkeepers, Allan McGregor and our old boy Steve Harper - does Bruce realise he can't play them both at once? Even if he could, survival would still be a long shot.

Liverpool

You've got to hand it to Luis Suarez. It was no mean feat becoming the most odious player in a league also featuring John Terry and Ashley Cole, and now he's managed to offend the minority who felt differently at the start of the summer too. Liverpool have quite rightly attracted universal mockery and scorn for their blind defence of the Uruguayan and his various misdemeanours, so Brendan Rodgers was justified in describing the striker's attempts to engineer a move away from Anfield as displaying "total disrespect". The manager's demand for an apology is only likely to inflame the situation and harden Suarez's resolve to leave, though, and while a move to Arsenal looks increasingly improbable I simply can't see him staying at the club and being reintegrated into the side.

So where would that leave the Reds' front line? As we found out to our considerable cost, Daniel Sturridge and Philippe Coutinho are perfectly capable of wreaking havoc in Suarez's absence. In Luis Alberto and Iago Aspas Liverpool have a couple of promising new attacking options in wide areas, and while Raheem Sterling needs to rediscover his mojo, Jordon Ibe has caught the eye in pre-season. The unsentimental dumping of Pepe Reina in favour of Simon Mignolet raised a few eyebrows, but will nevertheless be for the long-term good. Nevertheless, key central defenders Martin Skrtel and Daniel Agger may both be unsettled, having been linked with moves to the continent, and flogging Rocky and Stewart Downing to West Ham for £35m less than they shelled out was an embarrassing indictment of their recent transfer policy. Sixth is surely as good as it'll get.

Man City

Long gone are the days when finishing second in the top flight, reaching the FA Cup final and participating in the Champions League group stage would have been considered achievement enough for Man City. After the high of lifting the league title in 2011/12, last season was a serious disappointment, with Roberto Mancini unsurprisingly paying the price of failure and (after a protracted pursuit) Manuel Pellegrini installed as the new man in the hotseat.

The moneymen's solution, of course, was to get the chequebook out, and £87m has been spunked on a quartet of new players - Alvaro Negredo, Fernandinho, Jesus Navas and Stevan Jovetic - all of whom promise to add to City's threat in attacking situations. Pellegrini's most acute dilemma is how to juggle all the talent at his disposal, and how to get more out of those supposed superstars the club already owned (Samir Nasri and Javi Garcia, for a start). Here's hoping the secret formula is still eluding him by the time we kick off against them on Monday evening.

Thank goodness that's over

Newcastle Utd 0 – 1 Arsenal 

With recent results rendering us safe, from our point of view the only thing remaining to be decided on Sunday was our eventual resting place amongst the also-rans (albeit with a hefty bonus on the line for the non-playing staff). For our guests, however, their place at the top table of Champions League football was under threat from Gareth Bale and co and as such the prospects of our rousing ourselves sufficiently to win the match always looked doubtful.

With Spurs playing 5under1and, it was safe to assume that they’d get the points needed, which meant Arsenal had to go for the win, so it was no surprise to see Arsene Wenger gambling on the fitness of Mikel Arteta in his midfield.

For us, with Rob Elliot suspended and Tim Krul injured, it was an opportunity for captain-for-the-day Steve Harper to play his final game in front of a full house, as the curtain drew on twenty years of loyal service.

Having shipped nine goals at home without reply in our previous two home games, it was pleasantly surprising to see us start well and look to not only get on the front foot, but also looking solid at the back (no doubt thanks to the continuing reassuring presence of Sideshow Bob in the ranks). Our first decent chance came as MYM burst forward down the left, leaving countryman Bacary Sagna languishing in his wake, as he crossed for Papiss Cisse. Unfortunately Cisse’s shot sailed high over the bar, but it at least signalled our intention to attack.

At the other end, Harper was largely kicking his heels until the 37th minute when the entire ground (including the Arsenal keeper) rose in applause to salute our departing keeper and leaving him wiping a tear from his eye. Harps himself had further reason to be misty-eyed moments later when he stopped an offside shot with his bollocks.

Our only other chance of note in the first half came as HBA cut inside his marker only to send his shot over the bar.

Goalless at half-time, we were unchanged for the second half. Arsenal, having lost Arteta to injury before the break, continued to press for their much-needed goal and when Dreamboat was adjudged to have fouled Theo Walcott, the one-time Southampton youngster’s free-kick was headed on by Per Mertersacker before dropping to his defensive partner Lorent Koscielny, who lost Sideshow Bob and was able to volley the ball into the net, via Harper’s face.

With our attempts to get back on terms proving toothless, the Silver Fox emptied the bench, throwing on Vurnon Anita for Dreamboat, Sylvain Marveaux for Goofy and lastly Adam Campbell for MYM, but to no avail. The best chance of another goal fell to Walcott, who broke through on goal only to see his shot ricochet off the post.

At the end, Arsenal celebrated as if they’d won the league, while we embarked on a lap of the pitch, led by Harper and his kids, as others such as Danny Simpson also bade farewell. How many more of those also circling the pitch were waving goodbye remains to be seen.

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Bring out the bunting, Wigan are down

Satisfying as it would have been to have seen the Mackems and their mentalist of a manager relegated, particularly in light of events on 14th April, it was never likely once Wigan lost at home to Swansea last week, and the newly crowned FA Cup winners' slide through the trapdoor was confirmed by last night's pummelling at Arsenal.

While the media will no doubt eulogise their silky football and plucky determination, you won't find anyone in Newcastle prepared to shed a tear - not after that succession of miserable away defeats early in their Premier League tenure, Delusional Dave Whelan's frequent pronouncements about our club and, of course, this season's extremely controversial defeat and Callum McManaman's unpunished assault on Massadio Haidara. Last night was all the sweeter for the fact that McManaman, man of the match in the FA Cup final, was stretchered off injured.

Enjoy life in the Championship (and in all likelihood without Roberto Martinez), Dave. We'll take Arouna Kone and Shaun Maloney off your hands, if you're offering.

The result also means that Arsenal's bid for Champions League qualification remains in their own hands ahead of their now televised trip to St James' Park on Sunday - they're one point ahead of Spurs and have a significantly better goal difference so only need to match their north London rivals' result. That said, given Spurs are at home to the Mackems we could still find the Gunners in the mood for a Liverpool-esque demolition job.

Encore un deux fois!

The door staff at St James' must be getting sick of saying "Bienvenue" - but at least the fact that the Strawberry has been renamed La Fraise will help with familiarisation. The last two days have seen us add a further two Frenchmen to our growing collection. First to arrive was Nancy left-back Massadio Haidara on Thursday, with Toulouse midfielder Moussa Sissoko putting pen to paper yesterday.

Both players fit our usual recruitment model - young and signed up on long-term contracts - though it's probably only full international Sissoko who can expect to step straight into the first team (especially with Mr T away at the African Cup of Nations). With Dreamboat back to fitness (hopefully his knock against Reading was only minor) and some genuine driving force through central midfield courtesy of Sissoko, we should hopefully have enough to see off a Villa side tired and demoralised by a second cup defeat of the week.

A grand total of five Gallic players signed in January may not necessarily have quenched our Francophilic lust, either. It's been claimed that we've bid for young Bastia midfielder Florian Thauvin, but, as with MYM, may need to trump interest from Arsenal to be successful.

I wonder whether the fact we won the race for MYM and appear to be in pole position for Thauvin has anything to do with Arsene Wenger's extraordinary public attack on our January transfer dealings? It's "unfair" that we've been able to strengthen our squad substantially, he whined, when certain teams (Man Utd, for instance) have already played and beaten the weak Newcastle Utd Mark I twice but when others (Arsenal, for instance) will now have to face Newcastle Utd Mark II. Aw, diddums. We really feel for you and your free-scoring multi-million-pound squad. Perhaps the reason Wenger is so often unable to see what's right beneath his nose is because he's got it firmly lodged in other people's business...

Seven kinds of wrong

Arsenal 7 - 3 Newcastle Utd

While the scoreline perhaps flattered the home side, who undoubtedly benefited from not playing on Boxing Day, the reality is that we lost this match, and lost it badly, thanks to a host of terrible defensive errors.

In what to neutrals and home fans would have been a cracking match, to those of a black and white persuasion this was a depressing defeat whose only saving grace was that it served to highlight all of our current problems just before the opening of the transfer window.

In short, we lack quality cover in defence (where even some of our first choice XI aren't currently covering themselves in glory) and central midfield (where Mr T in particular seemed to be caught on the ball too frequently). Up front, we remain reliant on Demba Ba who did everything possible to win the game for us, and in doing so once again highlighted his worth as the January sales start.

For us, two goals by Ba sandwiched a tap-in for Sylvain Marveaux (one of the few bright sparks). At the back, however, we consistently failed to adequately mark players, track runs and sweep up loose balls. Gallingly, Arsenal's second even came from our own throw, with Danny Simpson unable to pick out one of his static team mates.

Unlike our Boxing Day game at Old Trafford, this time it was Newcastle who thrice equalised only to then to capitulate at the end, when heavy legs and lack of squad depth took their toll as Arsenal tellingly scored three goals in the last seven minutes to give the score an unfairly lopsided feel.

Exasperatingly for the Silver Fox, we actually dominated possession, only to be ruthlessly punished for some pretty lax defending.

What the game clearly illustrates is the need for more bodies in the squad, with defensive reinforcements (ideally at right back and centre-half) of paramount importance (not least following Danny Simpson's broken toe). With half the season gone 40 points still looks a long way away from where I'm sitting. To get there we need to tighten up at the back and hope that, should Ba leave, we can still score enough goals to keep us the right side of the line come May.

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Know Your Enemies 2012/3: Part 1

Yes, it's that time of year again when I foolishly record for posterity my appraisals of our Premier League opponents - you know, writing off sides who end up surviving comfortably and serving up puff pieces for players who spectacularly fail to live up to their billing (Roger Johnson at Wolves being last season's classic example)...

Arsenal

If you ever find yourself round Arsene Wenger's house for tea, it's a pretty safe bet that you won't find meat and potatoes on the menu. No, it'll be tapas - continental, tasty, lots of spice and zest, a bit insubstantial. The Professor has once again spunked his pocket money on European flair and firepower - Spanish winger Santi Cazorla and strikers Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud - rather than addressing the long-standing soft-centredness that has meant that Arsenal have been the Vincibles and not won silverware of any description since 2005.

In fairness to Wenger, he's probably hoping that one of Abou Diaby, Alex Song or Emmanuel Frimpong steps up and develops into the Vieira-esque midfield enforcer the Gunners have been so sorely lacking, and the return of Jack Wilshere can't come soon enough. Meanwhile there were signs last season that Laurent Koscielny was starting to come good and that sub-editor's nightmare Wojciech Szczesny has the potential to become the top-quality 'keeper they've been without for so long. Though Wenger may maintain otherwise, Giroud and Podolski were obviously recruited to replace contract rebel Robin van Persie - but, with the Dutchman still at the Emirates for the time being, Arsenal have a formidable array of forwards to choose from. One thing's for certain - whether van Persie stays or goes, the Gunners will need to become much less Robin-reliant.

Aston Villa

I'm not sure Villa fans do joy (or indeed anything other than dour, glum and gallows humour), but even they must be feeling close to cheerily chipper at the summer's events. First of all - and most critically - despised former Bluenose Alex McLeish was given the boot, having seen his mission to relegate both Birmingham clubs in successive seasons foiled at the death. Then came his replacement, Paul Lambert, an upwardly mobile and increasingly well-respected young manager with a hunger for success and a passion for hard work. And then there are the new signings, and in particular an intriguing trio of arrivals from the Eredivisie: Moroccan midfielder Karim El Ahmadi, Australian winger Brett Holman and (after some protracted transfer shenanigans) uncompromising Dutch international defender Ron Vlaar.

Lambert has cleared out some of the old guard, selling Carlos Cuellar and James Collins, perhaps out of recognition that the club is blessed with a promising clutch of youngsters: Marc Albrighton, Barry Bannan, Ciaran Clark, Gary Gardner and potential hotshot Andreas Weimann. Add to that the fact that Darren Bent - one of the league's deadliest finishers - is back to full fitness, Charles N'Somnia must surely improve on his first season in claret and blue, and his ex-Toon colleague Shay Given has retired from international football to concentrate on his day job, and there are plenty of reasons for the perma-grumbling long-suffering Villa faithful to at least try mustering a smile.

Chelsea

Someone at Stamford Bridge seems to have decided that Arsene Wenger's transfer strategy would be worth pursuing for Chelsea too - namely, scouring the globe and hoovering up the best forwards available. The Blues can consider themselves fortunate to have landed arguably the most wanted man in Europe this summer, Belgian flying machine Eden Hazard, and have also shelled out the best part of a further £30m on Marko Marin and Oscar, one of the stars of Brazil's losing Olympic finalists. As statements of intent go, it's quite clear - they're not happy at finishing below us upstarts, and are capable of flexing their financial muscles to chilling effect.

Andre Villas-Boas' undoing was attempting to phase out some of the more senior members of the squad (John Terry and Frank Lampard, basically) too quickly, a challenge which remains for his successor. Roberto di Matteo has the cushion of a heroic salvage operation behind him (the Champions League and FA Cup - not a bad double to win), but Roman Abramovich has shown on several occasions that he's not swayed by sentiment, unprepared to allow managers to trade on former glories and ruthless at the slightest hint of trouble. Responsibility for the Italian's longevity rests at least in part with Fernando Torres, very much the main man he wanted to be now that Didier Drogba has trotted off to stud in China.

Everton

Forever the bridesmaids, Everton missed out on European football by a whisker last season, the delight at finishing above Liverpool in seventh tempered by their Merseyside rivals' qualification for the Europa League by virtue of winning the League Cup. Had they not suffered a sluggish start to the campaign and been able to get Nikica Jelavic and Steven Pienaar on board sooner, they may well have placed higher. In the Croatian, David Moyes seems to have found a figurehead for their attack, while the permanent return of prodigal son Pienaar to Goodison Park from the wilderness at Spurs has now been sealed.

The Toffees will need the South African's guile and energy, now that mercurial loanee Royston Drenthe has left, though Leon Osman has quietly established himself as one of the league's most underrated performers. Defensively Moyes' men are sound, Phil Jagielka and Johnny Heitinga providing a solid platform and Leighton Baines- still at the club despite persistent rumours of interest from Man Utd - an additional attacking threat down the left. However, the moneymen's millions have spirited away Jack Rodwell and, while Goodison Park's corner flags may be breathing a sigh of relief at no longer being used as punchbags, Evertonians will also be mourning the departure of long-term servant of the club Tim Cahill.

Fulham

Poor Fulham. Not only have they suffered the indignity of having two key members of their strikeforce, Bobby Zamora and now Andrew Johnson, poached by their former manager Mark Hughes, now in charge of their nouveau riche west London neighbours QPR; they also looked on in dismay as Pavel Pogrebnyak, an undisputed hit on loan at Craven Cottage last campaign, spurned their advances in favour of cosying up with Premier League new boys Reading. And it could get worse, with Fantasy Football fans' favourite Clint Dempsey (listed as a midfielder, plays up front) allegedly coveted by a host of clubs including Liverpool. That would have left just long-haired layabout Bryan Ruiz, if it wasn't for the fact that Martin Jol managed to pick up Mladen Petric following his release by Hamburg.

In midfield, Danny Murphy has departed, bizarrely choosing to join the circus at Blackburn rather than bow out gracefully, but the Cottagers still boast the muscle of Mahamadou Diarra, once upon a time a 26m euro signing for Real Madrid, and craft in wide areas from Moussa Dembele and Damien Duff. Much depends on the fitness of defensive lynchpin Brede Hangeland, though a breakthrough season for exciting youngster Kerim Frei would also help.

Liverpool

As was widely anticipated, lifting the League Cup wasn't enough to save King Kenny from being deposed following a miserable Premier League campaign which saw the Reds lose as many games as they won and finish a full 13 points below us in eighth. Few beyond Merseyside felt any sympathy for Dalglish or the club, though, their campaign having been blighted by the shameful Luis Suarez v Patrice Evra affair, which was as ugly as the now-departed Dirk Kuyt. Forward-thinking football philosopher Brendan Rodgers is the new man at the helm (a sharp contrast to his surly, old-school predecessor), but the clear lesson of the recent past - namely, avoid splurging obscene amounts in the domestic transfer market - doesn't seem to have been heeded. Rocky and Jordan Henderson should stand as cautionary examples, and yet £15m has still been lavished on Joe Allen, a promising enough talent but surely overpriced given that we picked up Mr T and Dreamboat for a combined total of around £8m.

The price tag that Rocky was burdened with wasn't his fault, though, and while his partnership with Suarez hasn't worked out thus far, there were signs towards the end of last season, and particularly in the FA Cup Final, that he may yet have a future at Anfield - if he can fend off the challenge of new signing Fabio Borini, that is. Also unsettled is Daniel Agger, the subject of interest from Man City - though personally I rate his central defensive partner Martin Skrtel more highly. Should the Dane leave, Rodgers is reported to be eyeing up Ashley Williams as a replacement, which would mean breaching his gentleman's agreement with former employers Swansea for a second time. Crucial to the Scousers' chances of improvement is both Steven Gerrard and Lucas Leiva staying fit.

Man City

What do you get for the man who has everything? Well, until recently - and much to the frustration of that man, Roberto Mancini - it seemed as though the answer was nothing. The Italian had refused to allow himself to get caught up in the euphoria of City's first top-tier title win since 1968, instead looking to strengthen the squad. And what a squad it already is: a superb goalkeeper (Joe Hart), the division's best defender (skipper Vincent Kompany), midfield power and finesse (Yaya Toure) and electrifying skill (David Silva, Samir Nasri, Adam Johnson) and awesome firepower (Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko, back-in-the-fold Carlos Tevez, lunatic genius Mario Balotelli). It's telling that fat-salaried strikers Emmanuel Adebayor and Roque Santa Cruz, plus John Guidetti, the Swedish forward who racked up 20 goals in 23 appearances on loan at Feyenoord last season, are nowhere near the first XI.

In the wake of Mancini's public plea for expenditure, owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed al-Nahyan finally reached down the back of the sofa and found £12m in loose change to secure the benchwarming services of Everton's Jack Rodwell. It's hard to see where else reinforcements are required - central defence appears to have been identified as one area of concern, in light of the approach for Liverpool's Agger - but Mancini will be conscious of the fact that last season's title race was far more closely contested than it should have been.

Man Utd

Quite how Man Utd were within seconds of lifting the trophy remains a mystery. Multi-million-pound signing David De Gea's Old Trafford career got off to a decidedly shaky start, though he did grow in confidence once restored to the team following Anders Lindegaard's absence through injury; with Nemanja Vidic laid up long-term, Jonny Evans, Chris Smalling, Phil Jones and the previously imperious Rio Ferdinand all looked fallible; and they were so bereft of central midfield options in January that Taggart had to coax 37-year-old Paul Scholes away from a life of tea, biscuits and Bargain Hunt in front of the fire. Though that move smacked of desperation (and certainly spoke volumes for the quality of the squad), it was completely vindicated as the midfield maestro came close to inspiring the Red Devils to glory once again.

That Man Utd squandered a nine-point lead at the top would have left them smarting enough; that it was their "noisy neighbours" who pipped them to the prize, and in such excruciating circumstances, having already humiliated them 6-1 on their own turf, will be all the inspiration they need to gain revenge in the forthcoming campaign. Taggart's response has been to sign goalscoring midfielders Shinji Kagawa from Borussia Dortmund and young prospect Nick Powell from Crewe, and to make aggressive moves for Robin van Persie. If he's able to pair the Dutchman with Wayne Rooney, then Roberto Mancini - and the rest of us - will be justifiably worried.

Norwich

There might be someone new in the Canaries' manager's office, but the club's transfer policy apparently remains the same: gradually and stealthily sign up the entire Leeds midfield. Skillful playmaker Robert Snodgrass finds himself reunited with Jonny Howson and Bradley Johnson at Carrow Road, while one-time £9m defender Michael Turner has arrived from Sunderland and midfielder Jacob Butterfield from Barnsley. Their new gaffer is Chris Hughton, who we're delighted to see getting another opportunity to manage in the top flight following his decidedly unfortunate experience on Tyneside.

This time last summer many - myself included - were speculating whether two successive promotions would mean that the Premier League was too much too soon for Norwich, but their overwhelmingly British squad exhibited stereotypically British qualities - fight, grit, determination - and no little ability to prove the sceptics wrong. No one epitomised the "Let's be 'avin' you!" spirit more than Grant Holt, the journeyman striker hitting 17 goals and claiming the club's Player of the Year award for the third consecutive season. Contractual wrangles have been ironed out, confirming that his future lies at Carrow Road, and the Canaries' fate once again rests firmly on his broad shoulders.

* * * * *

Part 2 will follow tomorrow.

Late show blow

Arsenal 2 - 1 Newcastle Utd

Another trip to London, another sickening defeat, for Newcastle Utd on Monday night. Unlike the thrashings administered by the likes of Fulham and Spurs, this was a game in which we defended doggedly and could (and really should) have come away with a hard-won point for our troubles.

Unfortunately a combination of Howard Webb, poor control and a committed surge by Gunners defender Thomas Vermaelen meant that we conceded a winner in the fifth minute of added time. A fact made all the more galling when you consider that it all came from a Newcastle throw deep in the Arsenal half. Unfortunately, instead of taking the ball into the corner, a poor touch saw the home side regain possession, and with Danny Simpson flat out on the turf having unsuccessfully tried to win back the ball, there was a gaping hole on the right-hand side of our back four. Arsenal broke quickly and the ball eventually fell to Vermaelen, who had charged forward and duly popped up in the vacant right-back area to sweep home past Tim Krul.

What followed the goal illustrated that, while Robin Van Persie might be a fine footballer, he’s also an absolute classless twat as he sought to goad international colleague Tim Krul. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the Dutch squad are next together. For what it’s worth, my money’s on Krul.

Unlike our defeat to Spurs, when Pardew acknowledged we were too open, this time he opted for a slightly more cautious approach, replacing Papiss Cisse with Obertan Kenobi, bringing in HBA for the presumably injured Raylor and playing a five-man midfield (albeit one with three wingers). Despite some initial pressure from Arsenal, it was Newcastle who struck first when HBA cut in from the right wing before firing a powerful left foot shot inside Wojciech Szczesny’s near post and prompting a slightly odd shuffling celebration.

Unfortunately we appeared to switch off having scored and within 60 seconds Arsenal were level as Theo Walcott burst down the right and crossed for Van Persie. The Dutchman easily turned Mike Williamson (with a move reminiscent of the time Bergkamp turned Dabizas at SJP roughly ten years ago) before firing home.

Having allowed the home side straight back in, the match rather settled down, with Newcastle in particular working hard to close the Gunners down, though our hosts proceeded to enjoy the lion’s share of possession, with Newcastle at times struggling to retain the ball (with Dreamboat notably guilty of a number of loose passes). Davide Santon too looked to be struggling with Walcott repeatedly surging past our Italian full-back.

The Silver Fox had clearly seen enough at half-time, opting to replace Santon with Perchinho and it was significant that Walcott was appreciably quieter in the second half. For all their possession, Arsenal struggled to create too many clear-cut chances, with Van Persie and Tomas Rosicky guilty of wasting the opportunities they did create.

Big Lad came on for Obertan Kenobi presumably with a view to holding up the ball as we withstood wave after wave of Arsenal attacks, and this seemed to have the desired effect. Unfortunately Mr T was forced to hobble from proceedings shortly afterwards with Danny Guthrie on in his place.

With Newcastle reeling, the decision of Webb to allow five minutes of injury time was a sickening sight, the ref presumably swayed by the crowd’s repeated booing of Krul whenever he took his time (although they might want to remember that when the ball’s in play he can keep it at his feet for as long as he chooses) and in the final of those minutes, Vermaelen popped up to administer the crushing coup de grace.

Obviously this pretty much finishes off any chance we had of making the top four this season, but to be honest the fact that we were gutted to lose to a last-minute goal to a resurgent Arsenal side shows how far we’ve come this season. If we can right the ship against Norwich on Sunday this result won’t look too bad.

Arsenal fans' perspectives (all of whom could benefit from reading the comment about time-wasting above): A Cultured Left Foot, Another Arsenal Blog, Arseblog, Arsenal FC Blog, East Lower, Gunnerblog

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Naughty naughty

We're used to our players landing themselves in a spot of bother, but today has seen the club have its wrist slapped for two separate alleged misdemeanours.

First, we - like Arsenal - were fined £30,000 for failing to control our players. It's hard to know what exactly the club could have done given it was in the heat of the battle, and, as an anonymous commenter to this post pointed out, ASBO was rightly punished with a booking for his part in the Gervinho fracas while every other player was trying to keep the peace - so on what grounds is the charge justified? That seems to be the view of the hierarchy too, if the club's terse statement on the matter is anything to go by: "Newcastle United has requested written reasons for the decision from the chairman of the regulatory commission and will consider its position once these have been received".

Second, we've been reported to FIFA by French side Sochaux, who are furious at our attempts to tap up Mali striker Modibo Maiga without their consent - and no wonder, with the player's head having been so turned that he's gone on strike. Stories of the big bully boys - Man Utd, Chelsea, Man City etc - misbehaving in this way are ten-a-penny, but this incident, if proven, will mean we can no longer saddle up our high horse. When quizzed about it, Alan Pardew's immediate response was to distance himself from any wrongdoing, or knowledge of wrongdoing: "I can't tell you anything about that. My brief is to highlight players I think would take the club forward, and the club's job is to get it over the line. I am not involved in that". Don't forget, though, Alan - in this respect you're not exactly whiter than white yourself...

Striker's strike action

The latest name on our wanted strikers list - now longer than ASBO and Rocky's charge sheets combined - is, apparently, Sochaux's Modibo Maiga. The Mali international claims to have met "everyone at Newcastle" and insists that "Premier League is a dream". He's now threatening to go on strike N'Somnia-style if "selfish" Sochaux chairman Alexandre Lacombe refuses to allow him to leave.

In the light of our recent transfer policy, Maiga appears to fit the bill - he's young (23) and French-speaking (if not actually of French descent). What's more, he and ASBO have recent experiences in common: "I had a meeting with [Lacombe] and I could not accept his position, it is just like a big slap in the face"...

(Incidentally, ASBO's assailant Alex Song has had the decency to take the guilty verdict and three-match suspension on the chin.

Argy bargy = chargy

One game, one FA charge. Not for ASBO, but for the club as a whole, for failing to control the players. Which begs the question: when has the club ever been fully in control of its footballing employees? We've stated an intention to fight it.

Arsenal have been charged with the same offence while, as expected, Alex Song's stamp on ASBO also attracted the authorities' attention. At least Gervinho will have some company in the stands, eh? Another kick in the swingers for Arsene Wenger on a day when it was confirmed he's lost his prized possession to Barcelona.

ASBO acts up in curtain-raiser

Newcastle 0 - 0 Arsenal

It may not have been quite as jaw-droppingly dramatic a draw as when we last took on the Gunners at St James' Park, but there was still a moment of pure drama for Saturday's spectators and television cameras to witness - and at the centre of it all, inevitably, was ASBO, a man who wasn't even expected to feature.

Nearly 75 minutes had elapsed when Arsenal debutant (and one-time Toon target) Gervinho, who had caused us problems with his running from wide areas, flung himself to the ground in our penalty area under supposed challenge from Mr T (who had already picked up his customary booking). As the ball was cleared, an incensed ASBO - once again desperate to be the main protagonist, or the pantomime villain as far as the Gunners were concerned - hoisted the Ivorian up by the scruff of his shirt. Steven Taylor and others did their best to separate the pair, but Gervinho still managed to plant a palm in ASBO's face - upon which the man with the extraordinary Hitler hairdo momentarily forgot what he'd been remonstrating with his assailant about and collapsed to the turf clutching his mug. The Arsenal striker was dismissed, but ASBO received only a yellow card - much to the fury of Arsene "Persecution Complex" Wenger.

In the manner of February's match report, let's unpick the incident and assess whether Arsenal really have grounds for complaint.

Gervinho's dive
Referee's decision: no penalty. Yes, let's call it a dive, bluntly, because it was - contact was minimal at best. Had subsequent events not unfolded, he would have merited a booking anyway. Verdict: correct.

Gervinho's slap
Referee's decision: red card. You can blather on about it being soft, or about ASBO's dramatics conspiring to make Peter Walton's mind up, but the fact remains that if you raise your hands to someone's face then you run the risk of being sent off. Verdict: correct.

ASBO's tussle with Gervinho
Referee's decision: yellow card. Mindlessly and needlessly aggressive from ASBO - why get involved and force the man in the middle to take action, especially when your reputation precedes you? But, unlike Gervinho, he didn't strike his opponent in the face. Verdict: correct.

ASBO's reaction to the slap
Pathetic, and worthy of a yellow card. Cameras caught ASBO telling his team-mates "He punched me" - c'mon Joey, your chequered past suggests that you know exactly what a punch is. In fairness, he has at least since come out and confessed his embarrassment - not so much pride before a fall as no pride after one. (Incidentally, clearly in combative mood, he also took to Twitter to reignite his feud with Wor Al, commenting of the Match of the Day pundit: "Bad shirt, shoes and views from shearer again. Sort it out slaphead"...)

Gunners fans whining that Gervinho's dismissal was cheap would do well to acknowledge that their side should already have been reduced to ten men by that point, Walton missing Alex Song slyly planting a studded boot on the back of ASBO's calf following a challenge. Hopefully a retrospectively imposed suspension lies in store for the Cameroon international.

Aside from all the amateur dramatics, there was some football played - some, but not a lot.

Arsenal, as expected, bossed possession and had the better chances, but, shorn of three of their best players in Jack Wilshere, Samir Nasri and Barca-bound Cesc Fabregas, never really troubled us too much. Steven Taylor made amends for a first-half error by deflecting Robin van Persie's shot wide and Danny Simpson had to hook off the line, while in the second period the Dutchman landed a free-kick on the roof of the net and substitute Theo Walcott's low shot was clutched by Tim Krul, interestingly preferred in goal to Steve Harper.

After the catastrophic defensive display in the first half of February's fixture, our objective simply appeared to be to achieve a shut-out, but this was to the inevitable detriment of our attacking play, which barely merited the name. Spidermag planted a volley well wide and debutant Yohan Cabaye fluffed a presentable opportunity but it was telling that we came closest to beating Wojciech Szczesny with a Simpson cross.

Cabaye's chance was created by fellow debutant Gabriel Obertan, who had come off the bench at half-time to replace Demba Ba - possibly for an injury, though he and Big Lad hardly looked much of a threat together. Meanwhile, Alan Pardew had selected Ryan Taylor to fill Jose Enrique's boots at left-back - his hopeless performance underlining (as if it was necessary) our urgent need for a specialist in the role.

A point on the board after a tough opening fixture, even against a depleted Gunners, isn't to be sniffed at, though we'll need to show far more offensive ambition if we're actually to win games this season. Another thing's pretty much for certain: if ASBO leaves us before August is out, his destination is unlikely to be the Emirates...

Arsenal fans' verdicts: A Cultured Left Foot, Arseblog, Arsenalinsider, Gunnerblog, The Gunning Hawk

Other match reports: BBC, Observer

Gunner blow a fuse

Judging by this Arsenal fan's reaction to our historic 4-4 comeback in February, his girlfriend was probably better off just filming it rather than attempting to offer a consolatory "Now, now, dear - it's just a game"...

(Thanks to Neil for the link.)

Quote of the day

"I was prepared to pay so much because those French jerseys from '98 are very hard to come across. There are only six in circulation: a Zidane, a Trezeguet, a Desailly, a Boghossian and two Guivarc'hs."

An interesting titbit courtesy of distraught French fan Olivier Demolis, whose David Trezeguet '98 World Cup final shirt was destroyed by customs officials convinced it was a fake. Who would have thought "sought-after" might be an adjective legitimately applied to "Guivarc'h"? The nominal striker's contribution to France's World Cup triumph (five games, no goals) was about as impressive as his contribution on Tyneside (four games, one goal - and that in a 4-1 thrashing at home to Liverpool). The worst striker ever to play in the Premier League, according to a 2009 feature in the Daily Heil - and for once we're actually inclined to agree with Dacre's rag.

On the subject of fleeting visitors to St James' Park, here's a half-decent guide to the stadium and its environs. And while I'm on the subject of links, Billy Furious' report on the Arsenal match captures the despondency, passion, madness and joy of the occasion far better than my own effort.

Quote of the day

"There's no point whingeing about referees after games. It's not going to change the result."

Try telling that to your manager as well as Jack Wilshere, Theo.... Interesting to hear a player - albeit an unusually level-headed one - alert to the potential pitfalls of Twitter. Jose Enrique has already landed himself in trouble thanks to the site - how long before Danny Simpson and Nile Ranger follow suit?

Mission impossible

Newcastle Utd 4 - 4 Arsenal

Incredible. Simply incredible.

Players, commentators, pundits, hacks - please take note: THAT was a game of two halves.

On a weekend of remarkable top-flight matches, ours was the most extraordinary as we became the first team in Premier League history (or, as Sky would have it, since time began) to come back from a four-goal deficit and claim a point. Arsenal can whinge all they like about incidents in the sensational second half, but nothing can detract from the fact that that 45-minute period was one of the most stirring we've ever produced. When even ASBO confesses post-match to being left speechless, you know you've just witnessed something quite stunning.

With Big Lad ruled out through injury, Peter Lovenkrands got the nod ahead of Nile Ranger to partner Leon Best. We were however boosted by the return from suspension of Cheik Tiote, who took Danny Guthrie's place in midfield. Little did we know quite how significant the Ivorian's contribution would turn out to be.

At first, though, Tiote seemed as incapable of coping with Arsenal as anyone in black and white. Less than a minute had elapsed when Theo Walcott, our League Cup scourge, easily outpaced Sideshow Bob to slide the ball past Steve Harper; and only three when Johan Djourou scored his first ever goal for the Gunners, a header from Andrey Arshavin's free-kick. It seemed as though we were intent on losing the game even more quickly than we had against Man City on Boxing Day.

On that occasion, we managed to stabilise and fight back - this time, though, our predicament just continued to worsen. First Robin van Persie tucked in from Walcott's low cross, and then, as if to prove they could mark the Dutchman even less effectively than that, our defence gave him a free header. Arsenal had achieved the same 4-0 scoreline as in the League Cup game with just 26 minutes on the clock. Utterly shellshocked, we found ourselves staring down the barrel of the Premier League's heaviest defeat.

That Arsenal didn't add more before the break was only thanks to their easing off the gas and even then Harper was called upon to deny van Persie his hat-trick. Some Gunners fans online were apparently complaining about it being so easy it was boring, and it would have been hard to disagree. We had been simply atrocious in every single respect, woefully outclassed by a side that needs no invitation to put teams stylishly to the sword. It was like shooting suicidal fish in a barrel.

Alan Pardew refused to divulge what was said in the dressing room at half-time, but as rousing rallying cries go it must have been positively Churchillian. The side he sent out for the second period may have contained exactly the same personnel, but in attitude, application, determination, spirit and urgency it was totally unrecognisable. The same could be said of the Gunners, who somehow metamorphosised from confident, dominant and deadly to nervous, panicky and hopelessly vulnerable.

I say "somehow", but the Gunners' manager, players and fans alike seem to have largely ignored their own team's alarming frailities and attributed the amazing capitulation to a series of decisions made by the referee. Gunnerblog was at least prepared to concede Arsenal's failings, but still quipped: "now we know what Newcastle spent that £35m on: Phil Dowd". So, just to pander to them, let's have a full judicial review of the incidents.

ASBO tackle on Abou Diaby
Referee's decision: no free-kick. Make no mistake, it was an aggressive challenge, but the ball was won cleanly and his studs weren't showing and neither did he leap in with both feet. It was certainly less dangerous than Nigel de Jong's leg-breaking tackle on Hatem Ben Arfa, which was not punished during the game or on appeal. Verdict: correct.

Diaby grappling with ASBO and Kevin Nolan
Referee's decision: red card. The Arsenal midfielder lost the plot and can't have any complaints whatsoever about being dismissed. Verdict: correct.

Laurent Koscielny tackle on Best
Referee's decision: penalty. Perhaps not the most stonewall spot-kick you've ever seen, but it was a rash, clumsy challenge at best. Verdict: correct.

Nolan grappling with Wojciech Szczesny
Referee's decision: yellow card. Our skipper's desire to retrieve the ball after ASBO's penalty was understandable, as was his frustration with the Pole for clinging onto it, but to get him in a headlock - particularly in view of the fact that Diaby had recently been dismissed for much the same thing - was extremely foolish and he was very lucky to be let off with just a caution. Verdict: incorrect.

Koscielny challenge on Mike Williamson
Referee's decision: penalty. Very, very soft. If this was a foul, then there'd be a spot-kick every five minutes. Verdict: incorrect.

Van Persie "goal"
Referee's decision: disallowed. It was tight, but the Dutchman was offside. Verdict: correct.

So, of the six contentious decisions that the Gunners felt went against them, in only two instances do they have any cause for complaint. And it's worth remembering that we were also on the wrong end of a poor decision, Best having a goal disallowed despite being played well onside by Tomas Rosicky.

Shortly after that effort was ruled out, with the score at 1-4, Best did beat Szczesny through perseverance, and when ASBO's second penalty hit the back of the net we had seven minutes to draw level. As it turned out, we needed just four of them. When ASBO's free-kick was headed clear to the edge of the area, Tiote steadied himself and hit a peach of a left-foot volley right into the corner. An incontrovertibly brilliant goal, and some way to score your first for the club.

Incredibly, we could still have snatched all three points. Nile Ranger, who had terrified our ten-man opponents since replacing Lovenkrands, chested the ball into the path of Nolan, whose shot skimmed agonisingly wide of the post. Such was the manner of Arsenal's collapse and the strength of character we had displayed, a winner would probably have been merited.

Now that the dust has settled on a momentous afternoon at St James' Park, it's worth reflecting soberly on the fact that, despite the heroics and despite still clinging to a position in the top half of the table, we actually now find ourselves one point closer to the relegation zone than at the start of the weekend. Looking forwards, if we defend like we did in the first half, demotion is a distinct possibility - but if we perform with the same spirit as we did in the second, then safety is more than achievable.

As for Dowd, we're getting quite fond of him. His two previous fixtures featuring us this season were the unexpected League Cup win at Stamford Bridge and the thrashing of 5under1and...

Arsenal fans' views (most of which roughly translate as "WE WUZ ROBBED, PHIL DOWD IS A BAD MAN" and very few of which have the good grace to accept we destroyed them in the second half): A Cultured Left Foot, Another Arsenal Blog, Arseblog, Arsenal FC Blog, Arsenalinsider, East Lower, Goodplaya, Gunnerblog, The Gunning Hawk

Other reports: BBC, Guardian