Loic who's looking on at the Emirates

When Loic Remy took up compatriot Bacary Sagna's invitation to sit in his executive box at the Emirates to take in Arsenal's victory over West Brom on Sunday, he must surely have known it would give fresh life to transfer rumours that have been bubbling under for a while. Needless to say, our loan striker is now being heavily linked with a summer move to the Gunners - even if his chum Sagna may well be on his way out.

Even if we had both the will and the finances (the former likely, the latter not), our prospects of signing Remy on a permanent basis would be slim given the interest his goalscoring exploits have aroused, and choosing Arsenal over us would be a no-brainer. The deal would make perfect sense for the Gunners, too, who are overly reliant on Olivier Giroud, a player who has regularly found the net this season but can't offer the sort of pace and mobility that Remy would bring.

As I argued of Demba Ba, we would have no grounds for complaint if Remy were to decide to seek his fortune in London rather than stay on Tyneside. On the contrary, he deserves to be thanked for his considerable efforts in hauling a sputtering, otherwise goalshy side to a top-half finish and sent on his way with our very best wishes.

Unattainable goals

Ahead of the Swansea fixture tomorrow, one stat makes for particularly painful reading. In our 17 home league games so far this season, we've scored just 19 goals - a figure that is woeful enough before you consider that five of those came in one match, against the nine men of Stoke (incidentally, still the only time we've come from behind to win points this season). Utterly pathetic.

Thankfully, it looks as though we'll have our talismanic loanee Loic Remy back for the visit of the Swans, and so won't be reliant on the unholy trio of Papiss Cisse, Luuk de Jong and Big Lad (total Premier League goals collectively this season: 2) to avoid registering yet another blank. The Silver Fox confirmed that Mathieu Debuchy is also back in training, and his presence at right-back might help to give us more attacking impetus from deeper areas. Sadly, though, without Moussa Sissoko we still look short of anyone capable of contributing goals from midfield. Will HBA get another chance? Your guess is as good as mine.

The boy Den Good

Congratulations to Curtis Good, who can now boast as many full international caps as he can first-team appearances for Newcastle. The 20-year-old defender, currently on loan at Dundee Utd, made his debut for Australia on Wednesday night in a friendly fixture against Ecuador, putting in a performance that the Guardian's reporter rated as "solid" and lasting 66 minutes before succumbing to a hip injury.

While England toiled to an uninspiring 1-0 win over Denmark at Wembley, the game across London at the New Den served up splendid entertainment. Good's side led 3-0 at the break, but by the time our man was withdrawn, Ecuador had pulled two goals back, the second a spot kick after Aussie 'keeper Mitch Langerak was sent off. The South American side went on to equalise and then, three minutes into stoppage time, to grab a dramatic winner after Good's replacement Alex Wilkinson was guilty of giving the ball away.

The knock and the final result didn't seem to take much gloss off the evening for Good, who gushed: "You dream about it your whole life - it's the absolute highlight of my career. I felt so confident out there." It will serve as vital big-game experience - not least because his previous taste of such an occasion ended in acute disappointment, when he was hauled off at half-time as Bradford lost 5-0 to Swansea in last season's League Cup final. Hopes are high that Good might one day be ready to step into the first team - but let's not forget the sad case of another promising young foreign defender, Tamas Kadar, who failed to live up to his considerable potential and is now back in his native Hungary.

While Good was turning out for the Socceroos, Mathieu Debuchy was busy playing all but the final three minutes of France's 2-0 victory over the Netherlands. Loic Remy and Moussa Sissoko both also appeared, though only from the bench.

Elsewhere, Papiss Cisse and Mr T were on international duty for Senegal and Ivory Coast respectively - the latter mustering an impressive 2-2 draw in Brussels against a Belgian side many people (myself included) fancy to be a real force over the next few years, though the game was most notable for a staggering miss by Villa's Christian Benteke.

Finally, Fergie got a welcome reminder of what it's like to lace up his boots, enjoying a spell as a substitute as Northern Ireland laboured to a stalemate in Cyprus. Much as I like Lee Clark and want him to do well, it's baffling as to why he's excluding our winger from his Birmingham squad. Leaving him twiddling his thumbs on the sidelines is doing no one any favours.

In the clear

Good news for Loic Remy - not only will our top scorer be available to try and help end our alarming goal drought for the visit of Villa next weekend, he's had the rape charge against him dropped. Without the threat of a jail sentence hanging over him, he has no excuse not to knuckle down and stop our season petering out into nothingness - not that that responsibility rests solely on his shoulders, of course.

While Remy is in the clear, one of his predecessors in the Toon front line has had his collar felt by the long arm of the law for the umpteenth time. On this occasion the Lone Ranger did nothing more than come up to Newcastle for a night out - the problem being that his bail conditions barred him from doing so. Having only recently won himself a reprieve at Swindon, it will be little surprise if the Robins finally decide enough is enough and ditch him.

A fine old ruckus

Yesterday brought confirmation that both ourselves and Norwich had been fined for failing to control our players during the meeting of the two sides at the end of last month. We admitted the charge and consequent £20,000 fine, whereas Norwich - perhaps encouraged by the success of their appeal against Bradley Johnson's red card - denied it and, found guilty, were hit with a heavier fine of £30,000. The cash penalties aren't something either club is likely to lose much sleep over - but the suspension of Loic Remy while Johnson is free to turn out for the Canaries continues to rankle with us.

Out of control

The club as a whole may have evaded any FA charge following the touchline fracas during the home game against Southampton in December, but no such luck in the wake of the scrap between Loic Remy and Norwich's Bradley Johnson last week. We've been charged with failing to control our players over the incident, which resulted in both Remy and Johnson being sent off - only for the Canaries midfielder's dismissal to be farcically quashed on appeal.

I don't know about failing to control the players, but the Silver Fox should be up on a charge of failing to coach or motivate them, given Saturday's horrorshow...

Sweet FA once again

Well, that was a waste of time: imagining the FA might make a sensible decision for once.

The Silver Fox had ruled out appealing against Loic Remy's dismissal at Carrow Road immediately after the match, but, perhaps aware of our striker shortage in the cold light of day, we performed a U-turn and decided to seek clemency from the authorities. No such luck.

That in itself is arguably unsurprising - Remy did make a forward motion with his head, even if Bradley Johnson made a mountain out of a molehill and even if Swansea's Jonjo Shelvey escaped punishment for a more violent head movement in confrontation with Mathieu Debuchy in December.

What is staggering, though, is that they saw fit to rescind Johnson's red card on appeal. Not only was the Norwich midfielder the initial aggressor in the incident, he was as guilty of raising his hands to an opponent as Remy was.

The upshot of the debacle is that if there do turn out to be any fireworks on the pitch during the derby, Remy won't be involved. Hopefully there shouldn't be any fireworks in the stands either, though Mackem chief executive Margaret Byrne's attempt to get the message across in the programme for last night's match against Stoke was somewhat undermined by an unfortunate typo: "We have also been asked by the FA to remind all supporters about the dangers of flares and polytechnics." Presumably she went on to remind all supporters about the dangers of polyunsaturates, polyester and Polly Toynbee too...

Thanks for the blanks?

Amidst all the delight at that rarest of beasts - a thoroughly professional perfomance from a Newcastle side - and the general contentment with the way things are currently going, one slightly concerning issue has been overlooked: Loic Remy is experiencing something of a goal drought.

His last strike came at home to Norwich on 23rd November, after which I was moved to comment that we needed to become less reliant on him in case he leaves us in January. That much we've done - picking up three wins and a draw in the subsequent five matches without his name appearing on the scoresheet once. Now, at the risk of sounding like a glass-half-empty moaner, I'm a bit concerned about the goals drying up. A five-game barren spell wouldn't be too remarkable by many players' standards (Papiss Cisse's, for instance...), but for someone who was registering with clockwork regularity a month ago it does pose questions.

That said, perhaps this is all fretting over nothing. After all, the team is still performing well, and Remy within it. As Tim noted in his report on Saturday's win, his lurking presence was instrumental in Danny Gabbidon conceding the second goal and his workrate continues to be impeccable. Indeed, maybe we should even (quietly) celebrate the fact that he's not scoring - after all, by keeping himself out of the headlines he might be improving our chances of signing him permanently next month...

Blue shirts, red faces

On Friday evening a France squad stuffed with Newcastle players failed to do what England managed a couple of months earlier - namely, prevent Ukraine scoring on their own turf. The 2-0 defeat in Kiev was the first leg of les Bleus' World Cup qualification play-off, and they now face the very real possibility of having to sit out a major tournament for the first time in 20 years. Mathieu Debuchy and Loic Remy both started the game, the latter replaced by Moussa Sissoko just after the hour mark. Dreamboat, however, was left kicking his heels on the bench - somewhat mystifying given the obvious need for a creative spark. L'Equipe blasted the performance as possibly "the worst in history", while Le Monde pointed the finger at the Premier League contingent. They'll have to up their game considerably if they're to stand any chance of turning it around in the second leg.

A smashing signing?

Loic Remy might be being coy about the possibility of signing for us permanently, even though the Silver Fox has hinted that the terms of a deal with QPR are already in place (the Frenchman presumably holding out for a better move), but he's nevertheless clearly been carefully studying exactly what it takes to be a Newcastle player: with a rape charge already securely under his belt, he's now been involved in a motoring incident...

Allez les Bleus le Bleu

While England were busy deferring the inevitable disappointment of failure until next summer, France had to settle for a World Cup play-off despite beating Finland 3-0. Dreamboat may have scored in the 6-0 rout of Australia, but he nevertheless found himself dropped to the bench like club colleague Loic Remy - the pair joining Moussa Sissoko as onlookers, with Mathieu Debuchy somewhat inexplicably our only representative in the French starting XI.

Both Dreamboat and Remy made second-half appearances, the latter hitting the post, though it was fellow substitute Karim Benzema who scored the third. The duo have been arguably our best performers so far this season, and we'll be desperate for them to report back for club duty fit and well ahead of Saturday's visit of Liverpool. For his part, Debuchy - who set up France's second goal and almost scored himself - will need to erase the memory of last season's fixture, which we lost 6-0 and during which he was red-carded...

Dream return for Dreamboat

It was a good weekend for our French contingent, as Les Bleus filled their boots in a 6-0 friendly rout of Australia. Dreamboat marked his return to the team with a fine goal, his low shot swerving through a defender's legs and into the bottom corner after nice build-up play from Samir Nasri and Franck Ribery, and two minutes after half-time Mathieu Debuchy got in on the act with the fifth. Loic Remy should be pleased that his recent goalscoring exploits in black and white secured him a start, even if he'll have been disappointed not to get his name on the scoresheet as well as the teamsheet, while Moussa Sissoko came off the bench in the last ten minutes.

Elsewhere, there was also a goal for Papiss Cisse - no more than a consolation against an Ivory Coast side for whom Mr T played and was booked (naturally), but a goal nevertheless and hopefully a useful boost to his confidence.

To forgive and forget?

It's with mixed feelings that I report on the arrival of Loic Remy on a season-long loan from QPR.

On the one hand, the signing represents our first real bit of transfer business of the close season, if you discount the acquisition of teenage midfielder Olivier Kemen. Remy is also a much-needed striker, and one who performed well in a struggling side last year. Furthermore, the temporary nature of the deal means that we aren't committed to paying out a hefty salary on a long contract if it doesn't work out - though mention has been made of a £2m loan fee.

On the other hand, though, the Frenchman not only has a rape charge hanging over him (as a Newcastle player there's nothing new there...) but is also a notorious mercenary. Not that you'd know it from what he said upon signing: "I was very flattered by the club's interest in me back in January and also very happy that they showed interest in me again this summer." The reality is that he wasn't flattered with enough wonga to come to St James' Park in January, preferring the significantly heftier pay packet on offer from the London club, and is now arguably only happy at the club's continued interest in him because he suspected his previous decision may well have torpedoed it. Actions speak louder than words, though, and so if he can prove his commitment to the cause and demonstrate his talents on the pitch, all will be forgiven.

One definite positive to emerge from events is that our old chum 'Appy 'Arry appears to be on collision course with his employers. One minute he was adamant that Remy would only be allowed to leave if QPR recouped their £8m outlay, and the next he was backtracking and conceding that a loan deal would be a possibility after all. Did someone have a word? He should be careful of turning face so quickly - he's in danger of catching himself in the eye with some of that jowl flab.

Lurking for Loic

Might we be able to get revenge on 'Appy 'Arry? The Metro seems to think so, reporting that we're waiting in the wings to activate a release clause and sign up Loic £emy on a free if QPR are relegated. The Frenchman is currently doing well in a struggling side and scored a spectacular goal against Wigan at the weekend - but, after his shoddy treatment of the club in January, whether our supporters would be behind him is another matter entirely. What's more, in all likelihood it wouldn't really be revenge - if the Hoops do go down, 'Appy 'Arry will probably scarper faster than if he'd heard the taxman knocking, and they'll be only too happy to get a high earner off the wage bill.

Quote of the day

"When everything's going well and you're scoring goals, you're the king of the town. You can drive at 340km/h, go to nightclubs, and no-one says anything. But as soon as things start going less well, tongues start to wag."

If his playboy braggadocio is anything to go by, we're even better off without Loic £emy than I thought.

Incidentally, he revealed in the same interview that he never actually wanted to leave Marseille in January, but found himself forced out against his will. Of course, there were then two choices: Newcastle or London, nightclubs and a sackload of cash...

No magic Rem-edy for 'Appy 'Arry

"£8m QPR striker Loic Remy could be out for two months". Groin knack, apparently. What a terrible shame.

Still, at least he won't have to scrap for time on the treatment table with the Little Waster, now plying his trade (no doubt only very occasionally) on Smogside.

Cash converter

So, as we feared, Loic Remy has been stolen from right under our noses by 'Appy 'Arry, lured to Loftus Road by the prospect of piles of lucre. As if our dislike for that saggy-faced wanker wasn't sufficiently strong already. First he sets in motion the process of Demba Ba's departure by trumpeting his release clause from the rooftops, and then, when we source and line up a replacement, he sneaks in and trumps our offer.

However, as .com and TBW (among others) have pointed out, perhaps we shouldn't dwell too long on the affair, stewing in our own bitterness - perhaps, in fact, we've successfully if unwittingly dodged a bullet. Remy has hardly played for Marseille this season so won't be match-fit, and has only found the net on one of his few appearances. The fact that he's joined a club sitting bottom of the league over one that finished fifth last year and that can still offer European football speaks volumes about what exactly has motivated the move. Over recent years much work has been done to rid the club of mercenaries - the sort of mercenaries who litter QPR's bloated current squad and who 'Appy 'Arry blasted in his post-match interview at St James' Park just before Christmas, oddly enough...

On the other hand - and knowing our luck - Remy may help to fire QPR up the table, which would have a negative knock-on impact on our own survival chances.

Looking for Loic

After the match yesterday, it sounded as though Loic Remy was on his way to Newcastle to have a medical, after we agreed a fee for the player with Marseille.

ASBO, now plying his trade at the Stade Velodrome even took to his favourite metier Twitter to say: "Good luck to Loic in Newcastle. Don't worry I've told him what to expect. Great guy. Perfect club for him #toonarmy".

(ASBO then went on to have a debate with Tim Burgess (from the Charlatans) about the welfare system.)

Anyway, as far as Remy was concerned it was a case of: so far, so good.

However, by this evening ASBO was back on Twitter saying: "Just heard from a magician that Loic Remy has signed for QPR. Not sure what happened at Newcastle probably Llambas (sic) again!"

(ASBO then went on to have an argument with Big-Nosed Judas Bastard Dietmar Hamman. You couldn't make it up.)

With Sky Sports News also claiming Remy is due to have a medical for Droopy's lot tomorrow, it looks as though we're going to be left frustrated in our quest to sign the Frenchman and, with just over two weeks left before the transfer window closes, will need to keep looking for a replacement for Demba Ba.

One man went to mow?

According to reports Chelski have triggered Demba Ba's release fee and our man is currently in talks with them over wages.

Given the huge financial resources at their disposal, it seems unlikely that the deal is going to hit a stumbling block over wages for Ba, or cash for his many advisers, which means that the transfer will presumably hinge on the medical, and whether or not the Blues are prepared to gamble on the "ticking timebomb" knee condition.

I suspect we've probably seen the last of Ba in black and white stripes, given that the Blues have the resources to essentially take the financial hit even if he does break down and find his career over.

Sad as I will be to see Ba go, in fairness to the player he's never given anything less than 100% for the club and both last season and this scored more than his fair share of goals. What this hopefully will mean is that Papiss Cisse will now be given the central striking role which appeared to suit him better last season, meaning we might start seeing a better return from our number nine.

The other crumb of comfort is that if the deal is to happen soon it gives us a chance to push for a replacement (presumably Loic Remy) and avoid another deadline day Rocky fiasco.

Loic who’s talking

According to TBW, we’re sniffing around Marseille striker Loic Remy, a player who notched 20 goals at just under a goal every two games in Ligue 1 last season.

With Leon O’Best and Peter Lovenkrands already departed, and the Lone Ranger’s prospects of a first-team return looking slimmer than a supermodel with an eating disorder, we’re effectively down to Papiss Cisse, Demba Ba and Big Lad as our striking options for the forthcoming season. With Ba’s contractual release clause still operative until the end of July, we’re a week away from potentially being reduced to two recognised strikers, which makes sense of our interest in Remy (particularly if he’s cheaper than re-signing Rocky from Liverpool).

With Lille lining up a right-back replacement for Matthieu Debuchy, a pre-requisite before they sanction his transfer, it could be that we also see some progress on that transfer shortly.

Also worth noting is the impending arrival of Australian defender Curtis Good from Melbourne Heart FC to bolster our ranks as our global recruitment drive continues.