Dreams do come true for Dreamboat

While we survey the wreckage of our season and wonder what might have been, at least Dreamboat's departure wasn't in vain - he was in the PSG side that picked up the Ligue 1 title on Wednesday, despite losing their unbeaten home record to Rennes. The Champions League and a title defence beckon for him, as we contemplate the prospect of finishing below Stoke...

Question time

So, other than the club's reflections on the latest set of accounts, what else was there of note to come out of the most recent Fans Forum?

1. JFK wasn't solely responsible for the programme notes attributed to him - in reality he "was involved in the drafting of the notes but that the overall messaging was determined collaboratively and could be read as communication from the board". Just as we all suspected, in truth - there's no way that, left to his own devices, he could be trusted to produce something scrupulously profanity-free...

2. A request for more information on JFK's departure met with a terse "no further comment to make", while it was confirmed that filling the director of football role he vacated "would be reviewed in the summer" (with the option of scrapping it altogether presumably also on the table).

3. There was an equally terse response to a fans' representative who, quite reasonably, said "he would like to see the Club attempting to improve the tone of coverage afforded by NCJ Media by ending the current ban": "The Club referred to its comments in the previous Fans Forum meeting and had nothing further to add." Nice to know they're open to dialogue, isn't it?

4. When the issue of revenue raised through Sports Direct advertising in St James' Park was mentioned, it was explained that while this doesn't reduce the debt the club owes to Jabba, it does grease his palms sufficiently to allow him to keep the loan interest-free.

5. The club's apparent lack of ambition was, understandably, a hot topic. It was claimed that "the aim for the Club is always to finish as high up the league table as possible, with top ten a minimum requirement this season". All fine and well, but how does that square with making just two signings in the last two transfer windows, both loans, and selling our best player without securing a replacement? The actions of a club setting itself up to fail - and to hang the manager out to dry.

6. As regards Dreamboat, there was plenty of flannel: "In respect of the transfer, the board explained that the Club did not want to sell the player. However, the player was adamant he wanted to leave. The Club made a substantial bid for a replacement but an agreement could not be reached with the prospective selling club. The Club also pursued other options but particular clubs were unwilling to sell. The board explained that the January window is disruptive for clubs and that there are far more options available to it in the summer window." No mention of the fact that the informal agreement struck with Dreamboat in August meant we'd known of the likelihood of his departure months before it happened and so had no excuse for not having a plan in place. At least there was a hint of regret, if not an outright apology - "The board suggested that if it was to be self-critical, it should have had a young player who could naturally step into the squad as it aims to in all positions" - though of course that compounds the failings of our transfer dealings by flagging up the failings of our academy.

7. While it was explained that the Away Fans Fund was "designed to be spent on the clubs' own fans who travel and the designated away end in their stadium", the club wasn't very forthcoming with details on how the £200,000 we received had actually been spent.

8. Following a suggestion in a previous Fans Forum, Gael Bigirimana has been appointed as our Equality Ambassador, a role which involves working closely with the Newcastle United Foundation and Kick It Out. At least it'll give him something to do, given he currently appears to be nowhere near the first team...

9. The Silver Fox formally pledged the club's support for the Football v Homophobia campaign before the home game with Spurs. A very welcome move - only the previous week I had expressed dissatisfaction and bafflement at our silence on the issue.

Quote of the day

"This is a great loss for us so obviously I was sad but I am happy for him because PSG is a great club. I had the opportunity to talk a little with Yohan Cabaye and it is clear he is really happy there."

Mathieu Debuchy, talking to the French media, sounds as though (as expected) he's pining for his chum and perhaps even angling for a move to Paris himself. Bayern Munich are also reportedly interested, but he'll have to rediscover his pre-Christmas form for us before he can even dream of following in Dreamboat's footsteps.

Talking of our departed midfielder, he scored his first goal for his new club against Bayer Leverkusen on Tuesday night. Given that, according to Laurent Blanc, the prospect of Champions League football was his primary reason for swapping Newcastle for PSG, he probably won't be too chuffed to have only featured from the bench...

Fat Cockney bastard gets out of our club

At last, something for us fans to rejoice about (and something for the club's overworked PR department to breathe a sigh of relief about): JFK has followed his own advice to countless journalists and fucked off. Even still, with nothing to show from two transfer windows except a pair of loanees who were already on our radar before his appointment as director of football, the fact that he's been afforded the opportunity to resign rather than simply being given the boot beggars belief - though I suppose that comes down to his chumminess with Jabba.

The events of last week proved the final straw. JFK had promised no players would be sold, and yet in the wake of Dreamboat's departure he admitted there had been an agreement in place for the player he unapologetically misnamed Yohan Kebab to leave in January. Not only did this attempt to shift the blame onto Dreamboat underline that the promise had been a blatant lie (certainly not the only one he told during his time on Tyneside), it also unwittingly revealed the level of the buffoon's incompetence - even with significant forewarning of the player's departure, he was still incapable of sourcing and securing a suitable replacement. In his interview after the derby defeat, the Silver Fox struggled to keep a lid on his irritation at JFK's ineptitude: "If I was in charge, solely, of transfers things might be different but I'm not. I think I've made my opinions very clear this week and all the rest of it is confidential."

Sadly, the timing of the resignation isn't ideal - the damage has been done for this campaign, and we'll just have to soldier on with what we've got. If only JFK had walked before the end of January - or, better still, never been appointed to a position far beyond his meagre capabilities in the first place. (Those capabilities, in case you're wondering, are swearing and self-delusion.)

No doubt his pride will be wounded, but JFK does at least have the consolation of knowing that he's "more intelligent" than all of us critics. Here's hoping that the man who made himself (and us) a laughing stock by boasting he "could open the door to any manager in the world" soon finds gainful employment in his dream job as a doorman.

So, as regards fat Cockney bastards, that's one down and one to go.

Best-laid plans

"I love it when a plan comes together". I bet Hannibal's glad he was part of the A-Team rather than the Newcastle Utd team, then, because at St James' Park few plans ever come together.

Take, for instance, the recent plan which seems to have been to flog Dreamboat to PSG and then recruit Clement Grenier as a younger, cheaper replacement. Admittedly, Stage 1 was accomplished successfully, but Stage 2 has proven much trickier to execute. Damn Lyon for lobbing a spanner into the works and rejecting our bid - the mean spoilsports.

Stilll, all is not lost - we can just take our cue from PSG's dogged pursuit of Dreamboat and trust they'll be more receptive to an increased offer, can't we? Unfortunately, no. Even if Jean-Michel Aulas can be offered sufficient compensation to part with the French international, there's an additional stumbling block. Unlike Dreamboat, the player himself isn't eager for the deal to happen, and for a number of reasons helpfully detailed by his agent Frederic Guerra.

First, Grenier doesn't want to leave the club midway through a season, at the very end of the transfer window and in a World Cup year ("not safe at all"). Second, he's been given assurances of game time from coach Remi Garde, assurances to which we presumably couldn't commit. Third, he's undervalued at half Dreamboat's price (that perhaps might just be Guerra talking here, mind). And finally, but most significantly, he doesn't want to be tagged as Dreamboat's replacement, and that's exactly what he would be.

In light of all that, any attempts to continue negotiations with Lyon seem futile. A shame, really, as this useful scouting report and this "super amazing" free-kick give the impression he's a very promising talent.

Time for Plan B, then. I'm sure there's a Plan B. Is there a Plan B? JFK, are you there?

Quote of the day

"If Newcastle played in the Champions League, I can tell you that Cabaye wouldn't be here."

An interesting comment from PSG manager Laurent Blanc on his club's newest acquisition - not least because Dreamboat turned his back on Champions League football with Lille to join us in the first place. That this was the sole factor in his decision to move to Paris is therefore very doubtful.

Perhaps he crossed the Channel in the first place on the promise that we too would soon be competing in what's branded the world's premier club competition - if so, the move was missold to him. Admittedly we came close to qualifying in Dreamboat's first season on Tyneside, but that was due to an unlikely combination of factors working in our favour - mainly players fit and in top form while some of the usual suspects underperformed.

The Dreamboat has sailed

So it's official, then: we've waved au revoir to Dreamboat, who's sailed off to PSG in pursuit of greater fame and fortune. More than a few hearts - both female and male - have been broken on Tyneside and, as one Twitter user quipped, we can only hope that club officials have removed his chum Mathieu Debuchy's shoelaces and belt...

Dreamboat was on his way as soon as the French side put in a firm offer and it was rebuffed without the standard accompaniment of a "Not for sale" message. The implication was clearly that if the price was right, we would sell - and a club like Qatari-owned PSG for whom money is no object were never going to pass up an invitation to make a larger offer. That initial bid left me clinging desperately to the hope that he might turn down the move on personal grounds - but that was wishful thinking in the extreme, given the lure of returning to his homeland with his boyhood favourites who are top of Ligue 1 and can offer Champions League football.

Dreamboat has spoken about his excitement at joining an "ambitious project" - some fans may flag up what this implies about the club he's just left behind, but I don't think this is actually necessarily a reflection on our own ambition, as no one could have realistically expected us to hold onto him in the face of that temptation and an offer that matched our valuation.

When Dreamboat signed, in June 2011, it seemed like something of a coup to have secured the services of a 25-year-old French international midfielder, one who had just captained unfancied Lille to the Ligue 1 title, for just £4.3m - and so it proved. After a comically inauspicious start to his Newcastle career - unable to join the squad on a pre-season tour of the US due to a dispute over a dental bill - he soon established himself as the lynchpin of the side. It's no coincidence that our fortunes have waxed and waned with his form - great in his first season in England, poor last campaign (partly, he claimed, due to post-Euro 2012 depression), back to his sparkling best this term. He contributes goals, assists and cultured passing, while also loving a tackle - somewhat unusually for a creative player, he's no stranger to a yellow card.

What will Dreamboat be best remembered for? The stunning free-kick in the 3-0 St James' Park demolition of Man Utd in January 2012? His brace and delicious assist for Papiss Cisse in the 3-0 win over Stoke in April of that year? His thumping volley at Anfield that autumn? For me, though, it would have to be the goal last December that ended the Old Trafford hoodoo. It was fitting, too, that he was superb on his final appearance for the club, pulling the strings and inspiring us to victory over Fat Sam's West Ham with a pair of goals. Aside from the petulant strop he threw in August following a derisory bid of £10m from Arsenal, after which he quickly kissed and made up, he's conducted himself well and enjoyed good relations with the supporters, who have been serenading Jabba from the terraces with the song "Don't sell Cabaye".

Of course, our owner has taken no notice of the fans, as usual, and decided to cash in. Theoretically we could have declared Dreamboat was off limits at any price and clung onto him until the summer, which would have allowed us to see how a promising season panned out, before selling at a time when we would have more time to source a suitable replacement. But the lure of hard cash now, with our Premier League status already almost secure for another season and little appetite for Europa League qualification, was too much for Jabba to resist.

In fact, it's emerged that not accepting a reasonable offer would have been to renege on an agreement Dreamboat struck in August, in the wake of the Arsenal debacle. While many fans will bemoan the way a January sale has been secretly on the cards for months, I'm inclined to be grateful for the fact that we managed to get his head straightened out and profited from his talent for six months more than might otherwise have been the case.

So where does Dreamboat's departure leave us? In simple terms, we no longer have a creative central midfielder who can pick a pass, unlock a defence and keep us ticking over nicely. Fans' favourite HBA is now likely to feature more regularly, but he's a markedly different type of player, operating predominantly in wider areas and lacking his compatriot's tenacity in the tackle.

The fee - £19m, potentially rising beyond £20m - is potentially very good business for a player who was an absolute steal at just over £4m two and a half years ago; I say only "potentially" because it all hinges on whether that profit is subsequently invested wisely in strengthening the team, as the Silver Fox insists it should be, or whether it's simply trousered by Jabba. We would struggle to replace Dreamboat adequately in any circumstances, let alone with less than 48 hours to go until the transfer window shuts and with JFK in charge of our transfers. Between now and 11pm tomorrow, watch this space - though I fear that for the rest of the season we'll be left ruefully watching the space Dreamboat used to fill.

No go for Yo - yet

And so it begins - we've rejected a £14m bid for Dreamboat from PSG. That's very unlikely to be the end of it, though, with the moneybags leaders of Ligue 1 expected to come back with a bigger offer and known admirers Man Utd also keen to add more than just Juan Mata to their currently weak midfield. With Jabba at the helm, it's accepted that every player has his price - even the one who has been the absolute fulcrum of our side this season - so the chances of us retaining his services into February are far from certain.

The one glimmer of hope is that even if we accept a bid, Dreamboat may possibly turn down the move himself. It's been rumoured that he's concerned about the possibility of being restricted to sporadic appearances for the French side, and perhaps that might dissuade him from joining other clubs too - at least with us he knows he's the main man.

Quote of the day

"They are not a big club. And I hope another club tries to buy him. As a player I would not even want to spend a week there."

Poor old Rolland Courbis. Such a shame for the Montpellier coach that his best player Remy Cabella feels rather differently about us - and that his agent (and father) is adamant the winger will move to St James' Park this transfer window.

One player possibly going in the opposite direction across the Channel is Dreamboat, with the Torygraph's Luke Edwards reheating claims of a £20m+ bid from moneybags PSG. All we can do is sit tight and hope such a bid doesn't come in - if it does (and that looks increasingly likely with every performance like Saturday's at Upton Park), then the odds are that Jabba will cash in without giving it a second thought.

Have Newcastle shirt, will travel

It seems not everyone associated with Newcastle views the prospect of qualifying for European football with suspicion and dread. Dreamboat, for instance, has told French radio "It is true to say I miss the Europa League and the Champions League".

Inevitably, this admission and a vague statement about what might happen at the end of the season ("the future will have in store for me what is meant to be") have been interpreted by mischievous members of the media as a sign that Dreamboat's itching for a move in the summer. There might be more than half the season still to go, but it'd be nice if they could do us the courtesy of acknowledging that his Europa League ambitions (if not the Champions League) may yet be realised without having to leave St James' Park...

Tres bon!

A doff of le chapeau to France, who last night overcame a 2-0 first-leg deficit to beat Ukraine 3-2 on aggregate and secure themselves an improbable place at next year's World Cup. While the goals came from Karim Benzema and the unlikely source of Liverpool central defender Mamadou Sakho (twice), two of our players certainly played their part, Dreamboat's scuffed shot ultimately falling to an offside Benzema for the second goal and Mathieu Debuchy clearing off the line with the aggregate scores level at 2-2. The full back was later booked and withdrawn, while neither Moussa Sissoko nor Loic Remy were called upon.

Meanwhile, on Monday night Big Lad was compensated for missing out on Nigeria's play-off victory against Ethiopia with a start in the friendly fixture against Italy. Evidently determined to seize the opportunity to impress, he sent in the cross for the Super Eagles' equaliser and then scored a fine volleyed finish in a game that ended 2-2. The match was played at Craven Cottage, where we don't have a great record - hopefully Big Lad can repeat the trick when we face Fulham on their own turf in March.

Shorter and sweeter

Interesting stuff in the Guardian, who have analysed the stats from our impressive back-to-back victories against Chelsea and Spurs and concluded that a significant change of style has taken place. Gone (thankfully) is the aimless hoof 'n' hope of last season, and in its place a shorter passing game that relies on swift counter-attacks. That's certainly been a noticeable feature of our three away wins so far this season, and is perhaps attributable to the presence of Loic Remy in the side (not that hoofball was perfectly tailored for Papiss Cisse, mind).

One person who's no doubt delighted by the change is Dreamboat, who initially signed up after discussing footballing philosophy with the Silver Fox and who must therefore have felt somewhat betrayed by last season's tactics. The new approach (or, rather, reverting to the old approach) suits him far better, and is probably one of the reasons why his performance levels have been so much higher this time around.

Blue shirts, red faces

On Friday evening a France squad stuffed with Newcastle players failed to do what England managed a couple of months earlier - namely, prevent Ukraine scoring on their own turf. The 2-0 defeat in Kiev was the first leg of les Bleus' World Cup qualification play-off, and they now face the very real possibility of having to sit out a major tournament for the first time in 20 years. Mathieu Debuchy and Loic Remy both started the game, the latter replaced by Moussa Sissoko just after the hour mark. Dreamboat, however, was left kicking his heels on the bench - somewhat mystifying given the obvious need for a creative spark. L'Equipe blasted the performance as possibly "the worst in history", while Le Monde pointed the finger at the Premier League contingent. They'll have to up their game considerably if they're to stand any chance of turning it around in the second leg.

Allez les Bleus le Bleu

While England were busy deferring the inevitable disappointment of failure until next summer, France had to settle for a World Cup play-off despite beating Finland 3-0. Dreamboat may have scored in the 6-0 rout of Australia, but he nevertheless found himself dropped to the bench like club colleague Loic Remy - the pair joining Moussa Sissoko as onlookers, with Mathieu Debuchy somewhat inexplicably our only representative in the French starting XI.

Both Dreamboat and Remy made second-half appearances, the latter hitting the post, though it was fellow substitute Karim Benzema who scored the third. The duo have been arguably our best performers so far this season, and we'll be desperate for them to report back for club duty fit and well ahead of Saturday's visit of Liverpool. For his part, Debuchy - who set up France's second goal and almost scored himself - will need to erase the memory of last season's fixture, which we lost 6-0 and during which he was red-carded...

Dream return for Dreamboat

It was a good weekend for our French contingent, as Les Bleus filled their boots in a 6-0 friendly rout of Australia. Dreamboat marked his return to the team with a fine goal, his low shot swerving through a defender's legs and into the bottom corner after nice build-up play from Samir Nasri and Franck Ribery, and two minutes after half-time Mathieu Debuchy got in on the act with the fifth. Loic Remy should be pleased that his recent goalscoring exploits in black and white secured him a start, even if he'll have been disappointed not to get his name on the scoresheet as well as the teamsheet, while Moussa Sissoko came off the bench in the last ten minutes.

Elsewhere, there was also a goal for Papiss Cisse - no more than a consolation against an Ivory Coast side for whom Mr T played and was booked (naturally), but a goal nevertheless and hopefully a useful boost to his confidence.

Quote of the day

"The fans' state of mind was due to what the club wanted to let them know. As I didn't talk and I won't give any explanation about what happened, they chose their side. That is part of a career, but I bear no grudge against no one. I accept it, it is in the past. The only person who can explain what happened is Joe Kinnear. If he is honest, he will tell it. Otherwise it will not get out of my mouth."

Some intriguing comments made by Dreamboat to French journalists. Expect the "lost in translation" excuse to follow any moment.

As .com have noted, Dreamboat's comments don't necessarily mean that we have JFK to thank for finally doing something useful and helping us to retain a player who has since underlined his considerable value to the team in the games against Villa, Everton and Cardiff. In fact, they imply that JFK was instrumental in the "official" line put out by the club that Dreamboat refused to play against Man City and West Ham as a result of the interest from Arsenal, and that the reality of the situation was actually somewhat different. Clearly it still rankles with him, despite his claim not to bear any grudges.

I think it's fair to say that supporters are well on the way to forgiving Dreamboat for his perceived misdemeanours, but it remains to be seen whether he can patch things up with JFK. Issuing a public challenge is probably not the way to go about doing so, though.

Excusez moi

While sorry still seems to be the hardest word for JFK, who's been lying low and unusually silent since the end of August, another Toon employee has made a point of expressing contrition for his recent conduct. Dreamboat has apparently accepted that supporters might be somewhat miffed at his refusal to play against Man City and West Ham in the wake of that "derisory" bid from Arsenal: "If the fans were, or still are, mad at me for what happened, then I understand and I apologise to them".

Encouragingly, though, he now seems determined to refocus: "I have moved on and now in my head I just want to work really hard, to get back in the team every week and to help the team - that is the most important thing for me. I want to forget what happened during the summer, I want to put it behind me and give everything for Newcastle every day, for the club and for my team-mates."

Saturday's display at Villa Park suggested that he's already started to do just that - and, make no mistake, a rejuvenated and in-form Dreamboat would be a very valuable asset indeed.

Meanwhile, another of our French imports has been looking forward to a big season. HBA may have turned in match-winning performances against Fulham and Villa, but it's important he doesn't let the accolades go to his head - starting to talk about himself in the third person is a bad sign...

The outsiders

Saturday's substitute appearance wasn't enough to get Dreamboat a place in the French squad for the forthcoming World Cup qualifiers - an omission which came as a "shock" to the player, according to the Silver Fox, who is planning on using the down time to hold clear-the-air talks with the midfielder and his representatives. With any luck, he'll realise he can't now leave until January anyway, so he might as well start putting in the sort of effort and performances that might merit a big-money move away from Tyneside.

Meanwhile, our 25-man Premier League squad was announced yesterday. We can adjust it again in January, but until then there's no room for loanees Shane Ferguson, Conor Newton and Romain Amalfitano. While the latter two are no great loss, it is something of a surprise that Ferguson - who has at times looked close to breaking into the first team and gives us a useful option wide on the left - has been omitted in favour of Raylor, who is widely expected to be out for the whole season. Unless the Silver Fox knows something that we don't...

The final countdown

HBA's splendid winner over Fulham may have lifted the gloom around St James' Park temporarily (Paul's match report to follow), but as we move into the final day of the transfer window, our sole first-team signing of the summer remains a loanee. The next 23 hours are going to have to be extraordinarily busy to match up to the expectations of the fans or, indeed, the manager.

Not that additions are our only concern, mind - there's also the ongoing threat of Dreamboat's departure, and being left with no time to replace him. Not a scenario that's unfamiliar to us - think Rocky... Entering Saturday's game as a substitute, the midfielder was greeted with a mixture of applause and boos - rightly so, suggested the Silver Fox. Whether he stays on Tyneside depends partly on whether he takes the applause or the boos to heart - though primarily on whether Arsenal bump up their offer significantly. That's not a foregone conclusion now that they're reportedly in advanced talks to sign Mesut Ozil, rendered somewhat surplus to requirements by Gareth Bale's record-breaking move to Real Madrid.

Watch this space.

"Derisory"? Yes, but I don't see anyone laughing

(I'll leave Paul with the unenviable task of reliving yesterday evening's truly nightmarish start to the new season, but feel compelled to comment on the Dreamboat situation.)

One of the benefits of our poor performance last year is that our prized assets, many of whom were distinctly off-colour, have been somewhat forgotten about over the course of the summer, with the club not forced to entertain or respond to any bids. All that changed yesterday, though, when it was revealed that Dreamboat had been the subject of a £10m bid from Arsenal.

Like ourselves, the Gunners have endured a summer of frustration, missing out on Gonzalo Higuain and Luis Gustavo and (thus far, at least) failing to secure Luis Suarez's release by Liverpool. All that stress, compounded by an alarming opening day defeat at home to Villa, appears to have got to Arsene Wenger - normally dour, he's suddenly cracked up into quite the comedian. Our French captain in waiting was arguably one of our most underachieving players last season, but even still £10m is indeed a "derisory" amount and we'll be fully justified in rejecting the bid out of hand.

Unfortunately, though, that's not the end of the story. As an irritated Silver Fox commented, "To bid on the eve of a game was not necessary. They could have bid when this game was over and it would not have been any further down the line." The upshot of the unsolicited bid was that while Dreamboat travelled to Manchester, he was left out of the squad, the Silver Fox claiming his "head had been messed with".

Not that it would take much to mess with his head, I suspect, given his previous talk of agents working busily for him trying to engineer a move to one of "the big clubs". Despite their distinct and embarrassing lack of silverware for eight long years, Arsenal would constitute such a club (particularly if they can negotiate their Champions League qualification double-header against Fenerbahce). All the same, while Dreamboat might be angling for a move to the Emirates, any deal would have to be struck on our terms - and that would mean the Gunners offering to stump up an awful lot more cash.