Unattainable goals

Ahead of the Swansea fixture tomorrow, one stat makes for particularly painful reading. In our 17 home league games so far this season, we've scored just 19 goals - a figure that is woeful enough before you consider that five of those came in one match, against the nine men of Stoke (incidentally, still the only time we've come from behind to win points this season). Utterly pathetic.

Thankfully, it looks as though we'll have our talismanic loanee Loic Remy back for the visit of the Swans, and so won't be reliant on the unholy trio of Papiss Cisse, Luuk de Jong and Big Lad (total Premier League goals collectively this season: 2) to avoid registering yet another blank. The Silver Fox confirmed that Mathieu Debuchy is also back in training, and his presence at right-back might help to give us more attacking impetus from deeper areas. Sadly, though, without Moussa Sissoko we still look short of anyone capable of contributing goals from midfield. Will HBA get another chance? Your guess is as good as mine.

The boy Den Good

Congratulations to Curtis Good, who can now boast as many full international caps as he can first-team appearances for Newcastle. The 20-year-old defender, currently on loan at Dundee Utd, made his debut for Australia on Wednesday night in a friendly fixture against Ecuador, putting in a performance that the Guardian's reporter rated as "solid" and lasting 66 minutes before succumbing to a hip injury.

While England toiled to an uninspiring 1-0 win over Denmark at Wembley, the game across London at the New Den served up splendid entertainment. Good's side led 3-0 at the break, but by the time our man was withdrawn, Ecuador had pulled two goals back, the second a spot kick after Aussie 'keeper Mitch Langerak was sent off. The South American side went on to equalise and then, three minutes into stoppage time, to grab a dramatic winner after Good's replacement Alex Wilkinson was guilty of giving the ball away.

The knock and the final result didn't seem to take much gloss off the evening for Good, who gushed: "You dream about it your whole life - it's the absolute highlight of my career. I felt so confident out there." It will serve as vital big-game experience - not least because his previous taste of such an occasion ended in acute disappointment, when he was hauled off at half-time as Bradford lost 5-0 to Swansea in last season's League Cup final. Hopes are high that Good might one day be ready to step into the first team - but let's not forget the sad case of another promising young foreign defender, Tamas Kadar, who failed to live up to his considerable potential and is now back in his native Hungary.

While Good was turning out for the Socceroos, Mathieu Debuchy was busy playing all but the final three minutes of France's 2-0 victory over the Netherlands. Loic Remy and Moussa Sissoko both also appeared, though only from the bench.

Elsewhere, Papiss Cisse and Mr T were on international duty for Senegal and Ivory Coast respectively - the latter mustering an impressive 2-2 draw in Brussels against a Belgian side many people (myself included) fancy to be a real force over the next few years, though the game was most notable for a staggering miss by Villa's Christian Benteke.

Finally, Fergie got a welcome reminder of what it's like to lace up his boots, enjoying a spell as a substitute as Northern Ireland laboured to a stalemate in Cyprus. Much as I like Lee Clark and want him to do well, it's baffling as to why he's excluding our winger from his Birmingham squad. Leaving him twiddling his thumbs on the sidelines is doing no one any favours.

Quote of the day

"This is a great loss for us so obviously I was sad but I am happy for him because PSG is a great club. I had the opportunity to talk a little with Yohan Cabaye and it is clear he is really happy there."

Mathieu Debuchy, talking to the French media, sounds as though (as expected) he's pining for his chum and perhaps even angling for a move to Paris himself. Bayern Munich are also reportedly interested, but he'll have to rediscover his pre-Christmas form for us before he can even dream of following in Dreamboat's footsteps.

Talking of our departed midfielder, he scored his first goal for his new club against Bayer Leverkusen on Tuesday night. Given that, according to Laurent Blanc, the prospect of Champions League football was his primary reason for swapping Newcastle for PSG, he probably won't be too chuffed to have only featured from the bench...

Tres bon!

A doff of le chapeau to France, who last night overcame a 2-0 first-leg deficit to beat Ukraine 3-2 on aggregate and secure themselves an improbable place at next year's World Cup. While the goals came from Karim Benzema and the unlikely source of Liverpool central defender Mamadou Sakho (twice), two of our players certainly played their part, Dreamboat's scuffed shot ultimately falling to an offside Benzema for the second goal and Mathieu Debuchy clearing off the line with the aggregate scores level at 2-2. The full back was later booked and withdrawn, while neither Moussa Sissoko nor Loic Remy were called upon.

Meanwhile, on Monday night Big Lad was compensated for missing out on Nigeria's play-off victory against Ethiopia with a start in the friendly fixture against Italy. Evidently determined to seize the opportunity to impress, he sent in the cross for the Super Eagles' equaliser and then scored a fine volleyed finish in a game that ended 2-2. The match was played at Craven Cottage, where we don't have a great record - hopefully Big Lad can repeat the trick when we face Fulham on their own turf in March.

Blue shirts, red faces

On Friday evening a France squad stuffed with Newcastle players failed to do what England managed a couple of months earlier - namely, prevent Ukraine scoring on their own turf. The 2-0 defeat in Kiev was the first leg of les Bleus' World Cup qualification play-off, and they now face the very real possibility of having to sit out a major tournament for the first time in 20 years. Mathieu Debuchy and Loic Remy both started the game, the latter replaced by Moussa Sissoko just after the hour mark. Dreamboat, however, was left kicking his heels on the bench - somewhat mystifying given the obvious need for a creative spark. L'Equipe blasted the performance as possibly "the worst in history", while Le Monde pointed the finger at the Premier League contingent. They'll have to up their game considerably if they're to stand any chance of turning it around in the second leg.

Allez les Bleus le Bleu

While England were busy deferring the inevitable disappointment of failure until next summer, France had to settle for a World Cup play-off despite beating Finland 3-0. Dreamboat may have scored in the 6-0 rout of Australia, but he nevertheless found himself dropped to the bench like club colleague Loic Remy - the pair joining Moussa Sissoko as onlookers, with Mathieu Debuchy somewhat inexplicably our only representative in the French starting XI.

Both Dreamboat and Remy made second-half appearances, the latter hitting the post, though it was fellow substitute Karim Benzema who scored the third. The duo have been arguably our best performers so far this season, and we'll be desperate for them to report back for club duty fit and well ahead of Saturday's visit of Liverpool. For his part, Debuchy - who set up France's second goal and almost scored himself - will need to erase the memory of last season's fixture, which we lost 6-0 and during which he was red-carded...

Dream return for Dreamboat

It was a good weekend for our French contingent, as Les Bleus filled their boots in a 6-0 friendly rout of Australia. Dreamboat marked his return to the team with a fine goal, his low shot swerving through a defender's legs and into the bottom corner after nice build-up play from Samir Nasri and Franck Ribery, and two minutes after half-time Mathieu Debuchy got in on the act with the fifth. Loic Remy should be pleased that his recent goalscoring exploits in black and white secured him a start, even if he'll have been disappointed not to get his name on the scoresheet as well as the teamsheet, while Moussa Sissoko came off the bench in the last ten minutes.

Elsewhere, there was also a goal for Papiss Cisse - no more than a consolation against an Ivory Coast side for whom Mr T played and was booked (naturally), but a goal nevertheless and hopefully a useful boost to his confidence.

France flop but Brad bangs 'em in

Wednesday was a disappointing night for our French internationals, as the Germans beat them for the first time since 1987. The home side took the lead in Paris, too, our man of the moment Moussa Sissoko setting up Mathieu Valbuena with a header after Karim Benzema's free-kick had struck the bar. But two second-half goals condemned the French to defeat, and while Dreamboat played the whole game, Sissoko was withdrawn and club colleagues Mathieu Debuchy and MYM sat kicking their heels on the bench all evening. Proof, perhaps, that Sissoko isn't superhuman after all.

Meanwhile, closer to home, loanee Bradden Inman continued to impress for Crewe, scoring two fine goals as the Railwaymen romped to a 3-0 first-leg lead over Coventry in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy on Tuesday night, watched by a staggering 31,000 people. The prize is a big day out at Wembley against either Leyton Orient or Southend, the latter holding a 1-0 advantage from their first-leg encounter. What an experience that would be for the lad.

Bargain hunt

With the transfer window now open, it’s customary for us to review the squad and suggest areas in which we might wish to improve.

To be blunt, this year that’s a fairly straightforward task.

With Mathieu Debuchy’s arrival now confirmed, it is clear that we were rightly looking to strengthen at right-back – not least because Danny Simpson is now free to talk with clubs ahead of his contract expiring in the summer. Even if Simpson were on a longer-term deal, the opportunity to replace him with an international right-back for a relatively modest fee is not one we could pass up as it hopefully represents an upgrade on Simpson.

Going the other way is, of course, Demba Ba, who is off to Chelsea claiming the decision to join the European champions was "not a hard one". Having shipped out Peter Lovenkrands and Leon O’Best in the summer, our striking options are now Papiss Cisse, Big Lad, the Xisco Kid, the Lone Ranger and Adam Campbell, which, with the exception of Cisse (and Big Lad on his day) looks distinctly shy of goals, so a further striker (with number one target reportedly Loic Remy) a priority if we’re to score the goals to keep us safe from relegation. Cisse finding the scoring boots he was wearing during the second half of last season wouldn’t hurt – something which Ba’s departure might actually assist as it should provide our remaining Senegalese striker with the opportunity to play through the middle rather than be stranded out on the wing.

With the Silver Fox talking about two or three new recruits, the other priority should be a centre-back, with back-up for Sideshow Bob and Saylor currently limited to Mike Williamson or Perchinho. Currently name in the frame remains Douglas from FC Twente, a player we were previously linked with in the summer, but (like Debuchy) a deal was never done at the time and with Saylor injured and Sideshow Bob not hitting the heights of last year (and according to .com looking for a move back home) a top-class centre-half needs to be a priority.

Hopefully Ba's will be the only locker being cleared out this month; with the squad already hit by injuries we can ill afford to lose anyone else (even the Lone Ranger) with players like Obertan Kenobi and Sylvain Marveaux starting to shine at the moment. Marveaux in particular looks to be hitting his straps and with Dreamboat and HBA still out (albeit the former is now back in training) he’s probably our most creative player currently fit and available so shouldn’t be allowed to go anywhere.

A successful January should hopefully allow us to kick on over the second half of the season and find some security in mid-table and maybe prolong our Europa League adventure. A bad month, in which more players depart without being adequately replaced, and we’ll be in real trouble. As ever, our season hangs on the decisions of Jabba and Llambiarse loosening the purse strings and on Graham Carr pulling yet more rabbits from his hat.