Florian not joining the French Foreign Legion

Florian Thauvin must be very small to have slipped through the massive net we've been using to trawl Ligue 1 for new players this month. The highly-rated youngster was the subject of serious interest from ourselves and Arsenal, but has instead opted to remain in France, signing for Debuchy and Dreamboat's old club Lille. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

We could yet sneak in another Frenchman before the transfer window shuts, though, with the Sun among several sources claiming an approach for Standard Liege's William Vainqueur. The 24-year-old is a midfielder, though, and I'd hope we'd be more concerned with adding to our striking options, if anything.

Meanwhile, Deadline Day is proving as frantic as ever for our old chum 'Appy 'Arry down at QPR, who has drafted in Christopher Samba from Anzhi Makhachkala for a club record transfer fee of £12.5m and wages of £100,000 a week. I wonder who it was who, in the wake of a December defeat at St James', declared: "You shouldn't be paying massive wages when you've got a stadium that holds 18,000 people"? Answers on a postcard.

As BBC Sport's David Ornstein has pointed out, the terms of the Samba deal are essentially identical to those the Hoops declined in the summer on the grounds of protecting their finances. With their wealthy financial backer, the club's only insurance policy, threatening to walk away because of people saying nasty things about him on Twitter, what could possibly go wrong?

Peter and the wolf Churchill dog

It's emerged as a result of the friction and dispute between Peter Odemwingie and his club, West Brom, that we apparently showed serious interest in him at one stage. In one of a series of tweets that have since been deleted, the grumpy Nigerian forward commented: "Last season January window is when I should have handed in transfer request. Was one foot in Rubin Kazan - not for sale. Fulham. Not for sale. Newcastle. Not for sale. Wigan. Not for sale."

It would be hard to square that interest with our transfer policy - Odemwingie is now 31 - and in any case I think we're certainly better off without him. He's been chuntering on about a possible move to QPR - lest we forget, from a team in the top half to the Premier League's basement club - as "a new opportunity" and enthusing about the "chance to play under the stewardship of one of the most respected managers in the game" (remarkably, that seems to refer to 'Appy 'Arry), when in truth what's behind his lust for life at Loftus Road is exactly what lured Loic £emy there too: a bumper pay-day.

For his part, 'Appy 'Arry has commented: "It's a bit of a difficult situation for West Brom. It's not worked out in an ideal way. The whole situation has become a bit too public really, hasn't it?" Funny, that, coming from someone who's not averse to making these things public when it's in his interest. He continued: "We made an enquiry. The enquiry leaked out and obviously the player decided he wanted to come to London and that's how it has worked out". He just can't help himself continually trying to unsettle other clubs' players, can he? You wonder what Stoke and Anzhi Makhachkala make of his declarations about Peter Crouch and Christopher Samba respectively...

Cash converter

So, as we feared, Loic Remy has been stolen from right under our noses by 'Appy 'Arry, lured to Loftus Road by the prospect of piles of lucre. As if our dislike for that saggy-faced wanker wasn't sufficiently strong already. First he sets in motion the process of Demba Ba's departure by trumpeting his release clause from the rooftops, and then, when we source and line up a replacement, he sneaks in and trumps our offer.

However, as .com and TBW (among others) have pointed out, perhaps we shouldn't dwell too long on the affair, stewing in our own bitterness - perhaps, in fact, we've successfully if unwittingly dodged a bullet. Remy has hardly played for Marseille this season so won't be match-fit, and has only found the net on one of his few appearances. The fact that he's joined a club sitting bottom of the league over one that finished fifth last year and that can still offer European football speaks volumes about what exactly has motivated the move. Over recent years much work has been done to rid the club of mercenaries - the sort of mercenaries who litter QPR's bloated current squad and who 'Appy 'Arry blasted in his post-match interview at St James' Park just before Christmas, oddly enough...

On the other hand - and knowing our luck - Remy may help to fire QPR up the table, which would have a negative knock-on impact on our own survival chances.

Droopy for England!

A fascinating revelation from Taggart today that he and other managers have been sent letters by the Premier League forbidding them from discussing the England vacancy. The missive has come too late for the Silver Fox, who hasn't been alone in endorsing Droopy's credentials for the job. I'm sure his sentiments are on the whole heartfelt, but it's nice to imagine that a small part of him might have slyly enjoyed the opportunity to unsettle 'Appy 'Arry as revenge for the Spurs boss trying to unsettle Demba Ba back in January...

Eye off the ball

It’s been a busy week for Droopy, what with the court case over his dog’s Monaco slush fund finally reaching a conclusion, and then Fabio Capello flouncing away from the England job, over the FA’s decision to strip John Terry of his role of role model in chief, opening up a vacancy which everyone in the media has been lobbying for Droopy to fill since England’s last terrible World Cup (non-)performance.

Clearly this would be Droopy’s ideal job, giving him free rein to talk about players at clubs he doesn’t manage without fear of repercussion.

By contrast, the Silver Fox has already ruled himself out of the running for the England job. Given the dearth of successful English managers, simply guiding us to fifth in the table had seen him installed as third favourite with some bookies, so his stated intention to stay put is to be welcomed.

With Newcastle due at White Hart Lane on Saturday night, it’s to be hoped that all the off-field shenanigans which have kept Droopy occupied of late might just cause him to take his eye off the ball on Saturday, and also leave his players distracted by the thought that the man currently picking the team might not be doing so for much longer, and certainly not next season when they are hoping to be playing Champions League football.

Droopy's Demba indiscretion

Droopy has been quoted in the press (and let's be honest, he'd give a quote to the bloody Yellow Pages if they asked for one) about Demba Ba. According to the man who is soon to be in court defending serious allegations regarding his personal finances, one of our players (not his, ours) has a release clause in his contract that means he could leave for less than £7 million.

Thoughts which arise from the whole release clause issue are:

1. How do people find out about release clauses in players' contracts? Presumably Ba's agent is spreading this around in the hope of negotiating a better contract for his player/commission for himself either at Newcastle or elsewhere - in much the same way as we benefited from finding out about Dreamboat's release clause, to pick him up for a bargain fee in the summer.

2. Depending on the figure involved, would any team be prepared to take a risk on the "ticking time bomb" knee? It's one thing to sign the player on a free, but quite another to spend £7-10 million on him (as Tony Pulis will tell anyone who listens).

3. Having insisted on the release fee, chances are Ba won't be around long enough to break the Lion of Gosforth's goalscoring record. Best enjoy him while we can. Hopefully Graham Carr is already on the case of finding a replacement/back up.

None of this means that Droopy should get away with talking about it. After all, he wasn't best pleased when Chelsea kept talking up Luka Modric all summer, was he?