Say nothing or say sorry?

One good thing to come out of last night's debacle: Saylor has quit Twitter. Here's hoping he now gets his head down and starts performing like the player some of us still hope he might possibly be. With Sideshow Bob still injured and MYM a liability of late, we certainly need it.

Little Big Lad may not have followed Saylor's lead, but he did at least have the good grace to use Twitter to say sorry. Now we await apologies from some of his more senior colleagues whose personal displays were more pathetic.

Question time

Further proof that Newcastle Utd players and Twitter should never mix: the club's attempt to elicit questions for Saylor using the hashtag #AskTayls gets hijacked. Some of the queries are priceless. For the record, I'd rather fight ten duck-sized Andy Carrolls than one Andy Carroll-sized duck.

Sayling close to the wind

So it's a slap of the wrist and no more for Saylor over his recent questionable tweet. The FA have made the right call in not punishing him, as they (and the club) have in reminding him of his responsibilities and the public nature of social media - a fact that seems to escape the attention of an alarming number of footballers. The message is clear: if you're going to indulge in "banter", do so behind closed doors rather than in public where it can be taken out of context.

"Banter" backfires

Racist tweets directed at our players are nothing new, sadly - after all, Big Lad, Little Big Lad and even the whole club have all been subjected to abuse. However, it's now emerged that one such tweet has been sent by Saylor. The offending tweet has since been taken down and an apology issued, and Massadio Haidara (one of those to whom it was addressed) has laughed it off as "just bander [sic]", but disciplinary action from the FA and/or Newcastle could nevertheless still follow, and he really should know better. Or maybe he does, and this was just a way of prolonging his holiday from first-team responsibilities.

Twitter chatter

One person who thought it'd be funny to mention our recent spate of signing Frenchman is Reading winger Jimmy Kebe, who this afternoon tweeted:

"On my way to Newcastle, having medical then sign a 4 years contract. Thank you all for your support you've been outstanding !!!! "

He then followed it up with:

"Oups i thought if you're french and play football u just pop in to Newcastle and sign a contract Not a chance of leaving #LoveReadingFc#"

Presumably setting a few Royals fans' hearts racing along the way...

On the same subject, one player who still hasn't really come to terms with twitter is the Lone Ranger who, reacting to the crowd's booing of the Silver Fox's substitutions took to his phone with the following missives:

"Certain fans need to not come and support this team... Coming out to BOOO us.. Stay at home.. Don't need ur BOO's.... SAY NO MORE !!!!"

"Last thing from me... To all the fans. U are not forced to buy season tickets.. Or pay our wages.. Please remember that..."

"If u are loyal fans.. Be with us.. When we are out there on the field.. Be the 12th man.. Don't come and BOO.. That aint going to help any1"

"Team is going through rough patch. Last thing we need is fans against us #SIMPLE REALLY"

"We are a TEAM u BOO 1 player... Ur booing all of us !!!"

Needless to say, he was subject to a fair degree of ire from those who followed him and who took exception to being lectured by a player who can barely be arsed to get to work on time.

By Wednesday it looked as though he'd had a change of heart:

"Fans am sorry 4 what I said!was just a bit upset you were booing the lads. But as it says in the bible "you should forgive thy neighbour"

"Hope we can all forget about this like I say am sorry and didn't want to offend no1!now time to focus on helping he team go up and up"

Sadly though, it appears he hasn't yet grasped that as we do pay his wages, he might want to avoid pissing everyone off, and the second tweet was quickly followed with:

"My friend took my phone and sent that message.... Sorry"

So, not sorry for the comments about the fans, only that his friend had actually apologised on his behalf.  Well done Nile - following up a pretty thoughtless set of tweets by retracting the apology which sought to make amends.

#genius

Quote of the day

"My parents said I can become anything.. So I became an assh*le"

The Lone Ranger: the Twitter gift that just keeps on giving. Could it be that he's finally discovered the concept of self-awareness?

Meanwhile, Big Lad and Little Big Lad warmed up for Sunday's derby with a spot of family karaoke. 'Eye Of The Tiger', you'd imagine.

Quote of the day

"I am bitterly disappointed not to play. I am trying to fit into the direct style of play the manager wants. I pass too much at the moment, which is my biggest asset. I understand what the manager wants but stopping habits like going and getting the ball from the back four is difficult."

One you may have missed (we did): Danny Guthrie's Twitter outburst after being somewhat surprisingly omitted from Reading's starting XI against us. We would have been happy to keep the midfielder, but he decided to pursue more regular first-team football elsewhere - perhaps it's dawning on him that the grass isn't greener.

In fairness to Brian McDermott, he's not alone in his assessment of Guthrie. Responding to my recent piece for The Two Unfortunates reflecting on Reading (amongst others), Royals supporter and TTU proprietor Lanterne Rouge opined: "Guthrie might be a poor man’s Gerrard in his over reliance on the Hollywood pass".

Taking care in the (online) community

"What's clear", I wrote of players' use of social media back in January of last year, "is that it's an issue the football authorities and football clubs need to acknowledge - and will, in all likelihood, confront." I wasn't alone - seven months later the Silver Fox, exasperated by ASBO's latest online outburst, appealed to the Premier League to step in and offer some guidelines. And now, a year on, they finally have. Long overdue, given that the guidelines have been released in the same week that overhasty and unthinking fingers have landed yet another footballer, Arsenal's Emmanuel Frimpong, in trouble, and when the memory of Rio Ferdinand's Twitter jibe at Ashley Cole in the wake of John Terry's racism trial is still fresh.

Players who can be bothered to peruse the guidelines (or, perhaps, are made to do so by their clubs) will find themselves offered advice on how to use social media to engage with fans, how to deal with abuse and how to avoid committing an offence - whether that involves using threatening or offensive language to another user, or in a more specific football sense of divulging confidential information about tactics or injuries. Avoiding the latter is a rule that's been in force on Tyneside for some time anyway in response to the ill-advised tweetings of Messrs ASBO and Enrique.

Fair play to the Premier League for not writing off Twitter and the like as nothing more than the cause of stress and headaches. Instead, chief executive Richard Scudamore acknowledged the benefits - namely, that such sites can help to spread the word about the brand (the final day of last season was a case in point) and do actually help to bring the multi-million-pound footballer a little bit closer to the public. Even if all we really learn from the feeds and pages of those we cheer on week in week out is that we don't understand the Yoof Speak of today and that most footballers seem to live in Nandos.

Tantrum trouble for HBA

As had been widely expected, HBA is to face disciplinary action for his dressing-room disagreement with now-departed French coach Laurent Blanc in the aftermath of les Bleus' Euro 2012 group-stage defeat to Sweden. It had been our temperamental talent's first start in the tournament, but he was evidently unhappy at being hauled off with half an hour still to play. However, he's not alone in facing the prospect of sanctions, and will be joined in the dock by Man City forward Samir Nasri as well as Jeremy Menez and Arsenal target Yann M'Vila.

Meanwhile, one of HBA's club colleagues has been on the receiving end of abuse. Danny Simpson's not the first Newcastle player to suffer such treatment on Twitter, either. Morons, pure and simple.

Quote of the day

"All about Dembas syrup, I tried it this morning n its well nice! Trying 2 get him 2 share the love n order me some ha."

Danny Simpson, tweeting on Sunday. Judging by your first-half display on Saturday, Danny, you could have done with having some a day earlier. Though the same could also be said of your teammates...

Tweeting twits

While the two fuckwits who used Twitter to racially abuse Little Big Lad have been given final warnings, a trio of players familiar to Toon supporters have found their use of the social networking site has landed them in varying degrees of hot water.

No surprises for guessing that one of them would be ASBO, who has already effectively ensured his Newcastle exit and precipitated the sacking of QPR manager Colin Wanker by the same means, and who seems to spend most of his time spouting off bitter rants about all and sundry and engaged in petty squabbles. His latest faux pas was to stand up for team-mate Anton Ferdinand and denounce John Terry, a move which, it was speculated, might constitute contempt of court ahead of the case being heard in July. Of course, the alleged incident between Ferdinand and Terry has now had far greater repercussions than ASBO getting reacquainted with the inside of a prison cell, but in any case Attorney General Dominic Grieve has effectively let him off with a slapped wrist. Lucky boy. Still glad to have the mouthy tyke as your captain, Hoops fans?

The second miscreant is Ravel Morrison, who's made an interesting start to his new career at Fat Sam's West Ham. As attempts to put a troubled past behind you go, branding a Twitter detractor a "crack head" and a "little faggot" isn't the best. Oxford City striker Lee Steele was recently sacked for a similarly homophobic tweet - somehow I doubt the Hammers will be showing their new midfielder the door. Someone for Kevin Nolan to adopt for his own unique brand of pastoral care, perhaps?

And finally, it seems the Zog took to Twitter after Sunday's game to express his dissatisfaction: "First time in my life, I’m not happy playing football". Alex McLeish's response was less than sympathetic, essentially amounting to "Shut up and work harder". In fairness to the Scot, though, his patience had probably already worn thin, having had the Zog's fellow ex-Toon team-mate Stephen Ireland telling him to fuck off at half-time...

Twitter tosser

While bigotry on the pitch has been the subject of much comment of late, it seems it's equally alive and well online. Following on from the racist abuse directed at Little Big Lad on Twitter, it's now emerged that the club as a whole has been a target. Well done, whoever you are, on proving yourself both big and clever.

On a tangential note, my first contribution to the revamped and relaunched Two Unfortunates site is an interview with Stan Horne, the first black ever player to turn out for Manchester City, Aston Villa and Fulham.

Gagging order

As of yesterday, the first rule of Newcastle Utd Football Club is don't talk about Newcastle Utd Football Club - at least, not if you're a player and have access to a Twitter account. While the new policy, borrowed wholesale from Taggart and Man Utd, isn't an outright ban (something the PFA would oppose), it does significantly curb freedom of expression - and, in one respect, extend the club's "no comment" stance beyond just the hierarchy.

Alan Pardew seemed resigned to the prospect of dressing-room disgruntlement at the decision but insisted it had to be taken: "They've probably seen it as another sort of dictatorial moment from us but we've had to issue them legally with a letter to say this is not right, it's a breach of contract and you have to understand you're going to be fined and disciplined for that. It can't happen."

Not being in the know I can't be sure, but presumably this could be rather problematic from a legal perspective - is forcing employees to sign up to new terms all perfectly above board?

Personally I can't claim to be disappointed by the decision. The restriction will presumably mean vulture-like journalists spend less time hungrily awaiting and then reporting on/blowing out of proportion juicy little titbits dropped by various regular tweeters (ASBO in particular), but will also give the likes of ourselves less insight into the behind-the-scenes workings of the club. However, that's a small price to pay if the leaky vessel is made watertight and any grievances and disputes are discussed and resolved in-house and in private as they should be, rather than played out on Twitter and then the back pages of the tabloids in full view of all.

Repairing the damage

Was it official Architectural Metaphors 'R' Us Day at St James' Park today?

Alan Pardew claimed that he would "not close the door" on ASBO following his Twitter fine and subsequent rant and that the transfer-listed midfielder may be on the path back to redemption: "He trained with the development team today and, who knows, he may train with the first team soon".

That seems to hinge on him apologising and agreeing to toe the line, though - unlikely, you might imagine, but ASBO himself implied otherwise. Having quoted George Orwell amongst others in recent days, today he enquired of his Twitter followers: "Does anyone have Isambard Kingdom Brunel's number?" At least he's considering a spot of bridge-building, though the reference to Brunel is about right - it'll take a masterful feat of engineering to span the chasm he's opened up...

Not surprisingly Pardew laid the blame for the whole debacle on ASBO's use of the social networking site, suggesting the situation could have been defused if dealt with face-to-face and in private. Complaining about a lack of Premier League guidance on the issue, he mentioned that, in the wake of a conversation with Taggart, we've now adopted the same policy towards Twitter as Man Utd. Which begs the question: does Pardew ring Fergie up for advice regularly, or was the phone call primarily about something else - the Red Devils' alleged interest in ASBO, for instance?

Suicide ain't painless

As expected, the fine of a fortnight's wages dished out to Jose Enrique set a precedent that Jabba has maintained by hitting ASBO with the same punishment for his own critical tweeting. I'm sure our errant midfielder is feeling suitably chastened and contrite, and is currently sitting quietly in a corner reflecting on what he's done...

The news of the fine - which, naturally, ASBO broke on Twitter - was accompanied with the revelation that he's been forced to train on his own. Well, that's one way of minimising his pernicious influence over the younger and more impressionable members of the squad.

ASBO's lack of self-restraint or refusal to conceal his views is infuriating. There was no need to speak out and now, with less than a fortnight to go until the start of the new season, we're having to face up to the prospect of losing not one but two of last season's most influential midfielders. ASBO surely knew what the consequences of prodding the hornets' nest would be but did so regardless - thereby helping to force Jabba's hand and destabilise the whole club by once again underlining the worrying division between the hierarchy and the dressing room that Enrique, Wayne Routledge and Kevin Nolan have all highlighted. (Alan Pardew, meanwhile, has been left with one foot on each side of an apparently ever-widening chasm...)

All that said, generally speaking I'm in agreement with Paul and ASBO's agent Willie McKay about the decision to effectively boot him out. "Suicide" was McKay's word, the agent also claiming to have been "inundated with interest" (today's Metro naming Arsenal, Man Utd and Spurs as being at the front of the queue). "I've probably got the easiest job of any agent in the transfer window", he boasted, while also refusing to close the door on the possibility of a reconciliation: "If Newcastle change their mind, I'm happy to meet Mike and Derek with Joey because Joey loves it up there". Over the years we've learned never to say never with this football club, but frankly I think there's less chance of that happening than of catching Paul or I in a Mackem shirt.

ASBO free

Marvellous. Just sodding marvellous.

Less than two weeks to go before the start of the new season and we've just announced that ASBO can leave on a free transfer.

Now, we've hardly been his biggest fans, but equally, we'd both readily acknowledge that last season ASBO was one of our stand-out performers, and his competitive spirit and quality on the ball were both massive assets for the club.

Instead, we're now in a situation where the club is hammering on the self-destruct button again.

Fiscally, I'll hold my hands up and say that I think Jabba has a much better grasp on the finances that Fat Fred and Dirty Doug ever did. But controlling the purse strings is one thing - consistently undermining our first team by refusing to pay decent money to established players at the club, and instead seeking cheaper replacements is, however, an entirely different and completely ridiculous approach to club management.

Seriously, do you think he runs his sports stores by sacking the top perfoming salespeople at the end of each year?

Jabba once again demonstrating that he and Llambiarse can't string two decent decisions together. FFS.

You fat cockney bastard, get out of our club.

A fine mess

I wonder whether Jose Enrique regrets Sunday night's anti-Jabba Twitter rant, now that his paymaster has hit him with a fine of two weeks' wages (£100,000 to you and me)? Probably not - it'll just have hardened the Spaniard's resolve to escape from Tyneside. It would be interesting to know whether Wayne Routledge also got a ticking off for claiming his wantaway team-mate had "hit the nail on the head".

Having given Enrique a stern talking to, Alan Pardew pontificated on the dangers of Twitter in the manner of a sinister Thought Policeman: "I'm all for people expressing themselves - they just have to be very careful". If the club is trying to control the social networking activities of the players, then it's got its work cut out given the number of them who are now active on Twitter. It'd be a challenge to gag or muzzle ASBO, let alone any of the youngsters...

Meanwhile, the Sun also reheated the old news of an interest in Man City's Wayne Bridge as Enrique's replacement, and suggested that we fancy pairing someone with Good Touch For A Big Man with, er, Big Lad.

Up in flames

Wondering what that burning smell is? That'd be Jose Enrique publicly torching his bridges with the club hierarchy. The Spaniard took to Twitter to echo the views of many fans, criticising the policy of letting star players like Rocky and Kevin Nolan leave and then not reinvesting the money in the team. There was also a slight against our clutch of French-born imports, none of whom he apparently deems "quality players".

If this was all a ploy to try to force Jabba's hand, then Enrique's a brave man - our owner has shown he isn't keen on being dictated to. That said, it would seem hard for him to remain at the club now.

Needless to say Enrique's Twitter account has now been deleted, the damage having been done, though at least one of his colleagues used the social networking site to spread a positive message. Congratulations to Danny Simpson, proud father of a newborn baby girl.

New boys

Perusing Twitter over the weekend, I noticed a couple of articles concerning two of our new acquisitions which I thought were interesting.

The first deals with our new target man Demba Ba, with whoscored.com applying an interesting statistical analysis to his time at West Ham, and comparing it to Messrs Nolan and Rocky, whose goals he will be required to replace next season. Pleasingly, at least in mathematical terms, it looks like we've picked up a decent replacement.

The second is courtesy of Football First. Then Life. which gives a good account of our new left winger (albeit written at a time when the author thought he was off to Merseyside). Heartening to note we look to have added some pace to our attack, albeit slightly injury-prone pace. Hopefully Marveaux will prove to be adept at providing the ammunition for Ba, Big Lad and co, rather than simply being a French Wayne Routledge.

Both links courtesy of @gibfootballshow

Little waster

Little Saint Mick just can't help himself, can he?

Having previously used Twitter as a sounding board for his "poor me" rant after he was booed at St James' Park last season, he has now taken an opportunity to justify his decision to sign a one-year contract extension at Old Trafford.

Apparently the player enjoys sitting on his arse bench-warming every week more than playing week in week out. In his own words: "Prefer playing less often in a top team than every game in a poor team.. been there a didn't enjoy it" (sic).

This from a player who only a few days ago was quoted as saying he couldn't understand why he wasn't being picked for England, but who also feels the stress of being on the periphery of things at Manchester Utd.

If we have a quick look at statistics, it may help to explain to Little Saint Mick why Fabio doesn't pick him for England.

Last season, Owen made 17 appearances for his club, of which 13 of them were as a sub. In effect, he started 24% of the games he featured in. By contrast, Darren Bent started 100% of the 39 games he played, Peter Crouch started 65% of 45 games, Jermaine Defoe started 69% of 29 games and the granny botherer started all but 10% of his 40 games for his club.

It's hardly rocket science to note that Fabio is picking players who start more games than Owen, and presumably Owen's chances of being picked for England would increase if he were playing week in week out.

But apparently the player tried that and found it wasn't to his liking, despite picking up £133k per week in his final year at Newcastle. Of course, as the statistics demonstrate, Owen didn't even play all that often for Newcastle when he was here and as .com have pointed out he actually only started 58 of the 148 Premiership games we played while he was on our payroll.

Winston Bogarde was derided a few years ago for being content to pick up his wages at Chelsea while not getting anywhere near the first team - unwilling to move because nobody would pay his exorbitant salary. Whilst Owen may now be on a heavily incentivised contract, what is clear is he'd rather sit on his arse in Manchester than try and press his claims for his England place playing week in week out anywhere that will have him.

That's his choice - but when it comes down to it, the only person Little Saint Mick has to blame for not getting himself back into the England team is his greedy, lazy, ungracious self.