Striker's strike action

The latest name on our wanted strikers list - now longer than ASBO and Rocky's charge sheets combined - is, apparently, Sochaux's Modibo Maiga. The Mali international claims to have met "everyone at Newcastle" and insists that "Premier League is a dream". He's now threatening to go on strike N'Somnia-style if "selfish" Sochaux chairman Alexandre Lacombe refuses to allow him to leave.

In the light of our recent transfer policy, Maiga appears to fit the bill - he's young (23) and French-speaking (if not actually of French descent). What's more, he and ASBO have recent experiences in common: "I had a meeting with [Lacombe] and I could not accept his position, it is just like a big slap in the face"...

(Incidentally, ASBO's assailant Alex Song has had the decency to take the guilty verdict and three-match suspension on the chin.