Papal bull

So the Pope's been pictured with a Sunderland shirt. I suppose the Mackems need all the help they can get ahead of tomorrow's derby. As the Silver Fox has pointed out, though, Sideshow Bob has actually met the Pope in person and the pair bonded over a shared love of San Lorenzo in their native Argentina. Divided loyalties, then.

Big Lad's on tour

While the nation was roaring on one 31-year-old late developer (in international terms) this week, another was scoring his first goal for his country. His younger brother may have been following in his footsteps by turning out for England U21s, but Big Lad has since pledged his allegiance to Nigeria and broke his duck in a friendly against Burkina Faso. Despite expressing delight in his post-match interview, he did also hint at a dispute with his employers - the clearest evidence yet that he was barred from playing for his country in January against his will: "It's unfortunate I missed the African Cup of Nations triumph. A lot of things happened that I don't want to go into."

Also on the scoresheet this week was Haris Vuckic, who netted in both of Slovenia U21s' fixtures - something that will presumably have caught the Silver Fox's eye, given that we've been short of goals as well as creativity in our opening few games.

You have to feel some sympathy for Shane Ferguson, for whom the international fixtures provided no respite whatsoever from what is already shaping up to be a tough season for Birmingham. First the Northern Irishman was asked to fill in at left back at home to Portugal and found himself part of a defence tormented and tortured as Ronaldo bagged a hat-trick and overhauled Eusebio's scoring record in the process. Of course, it didn't help that they finished the game two men light... Worse was to come, though, in the form of an embarrassing 3-2 defeat to lowly Luxembourg.

Also in action for their countries were Sideshow Bob, Moussa Sissoko and Mr T. It'll be interesting to see if the latter gets the nod ahead of Vurnon Anita for tomorrow's trip to Villa - or indeed whether both miss out if the Silver Fox decides to reintroduce Dreamboat at the expense of a defensive midfielder rather than sacrificing a more forward-thinking player.

Quote of the day

"I knew Pope Francis was a San Lorenzo fan. He has a season ticket and everything. You could tell he still really loves San Lorenzo when he spoke with us last week. I shook hands with him. He is always speaking about San Lorenzo and so for me as a fan it was amazing."

Presumably the Pope is also busy telling all and sundry how exciting it was to meet Sideshow Bob and how he's always speaking about San Lorenzo too...

The prisoner

According to Wikipedia, Stockholm syndrome is defined as "a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors or abusers, sometimes to the point of defending them, and sometimes the feeling of love for the captor shows".

Why the pop psychology lesson? Well, Sideshow Bob's latest comments suggest he might be suffering from the condition: "I’m a grateful person and Newcastle have given me the opportunity of playing in the Premier League, which is the elite of football, so I will stay at Newcastle. I have talked many times with San Lorenzo about moving back with them. My desire is to move back but that¹s not going to happen next season. I didn’t move to San Lorenzo last season because Newcastle didn’t want me to leave.I’m not going to move to San Lorenzo now because Newcastle don’t want me to go. I have to respect that decision."

So the good news is that we won't be waving goodbye to our captain and the one player who holds everything together at the back. A relief, to be sure, though you do have to ponder the wisdom of denying him the move he clearly wants - will his frustrations manifest themselves in his levels of performance and commitment next season? Hopefully he's too professional to allow that to happen.

Meanwhile, the Independent have also reported that we've rubbished rumours from L'Equipe that Dreamboat - touted as Sideshow Bob's potential successor as skipper - is on the verge of a move back to his native France, to newly promoted and big-spending Monaco. The article is distinctly quote-free, however - as is an article in the Heil on Sunday claiming that Mr T has followed Papiss Cisse in kicking up a stink about having to wear a Wonga-branded shirt.

Quote of the day

"But, like I say, for me football is my life, I love it. When I am on the pitch I give everything to win."

Quotes from Sideshow Bob have been released today, confirming his commitment to the cause and commenting on the recent off-field distractions in his personal life which had seen doubts emerge as to whether he would still be with us at the end of January.

With a recent letter doing the rounds in the press, in which Sideshow Bob was also reported to be expressing his sorrow at not signing for San Lorenzo, there's been a significant amount of chatter about the player's commitment to our relegation battle.

Thankfully, though, the latest quotes (which can be found in full here) go a long way to highlighting that while he may have some off-field problems, once our captain crosses the white line he's 100% committed to the job in hand.

Colo no go

The Silver Fox has today confirmed that Sideshow Bob is not leaving this month and will remain both as player and captain until the summer at the earliest.

Frankly, it's great news.

Having already shown, against Norwich, that he can continue to perform brilliantly on the pitch despite the private strife, the prospect of him being around while Saylor returns to full fitness and Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa beds in is massively reassuring.

Now we can concentrate on getting the team prepared for Tuesday's massive game against Aston Villa.

Argie bargie

One problem which has yet to resolve itself this month is the future of Sideshow Bob.

With limited information available, it's hard to understand exactly what has gone on, but as I understand it the facts are as follows:

1. His wife has already gone back to Argentina.
2. His dad, who works for San Lorenzo, has been quoted that Sideshow Bob wants to move back to Argentina to play for them.
3.  He only signed a new contract last March, so (subject to the terms of the contract) will need the consent of the club if he is to leave.

Now, I'm not going to add to the wild rumours flying around Tyneside as to why his wife has gone back to Argentina and I'm sure that whatever has caused this can't be making life any easier for Sideshow Bob, which inevitably runs the risk of impacting on his performances on the pitch.

In Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa we've signed what looks like a replacement (although given we needed a centre-half before the start of January, you'd hope that if Sideshow Bob does leave that a further reinforcement might be found).

However, despite two days of talks between the player, the club and their respective lawyers, no solution to the problem has been found.

It's a difficult position. On the one hand, you'd hope for compassion for the player from his employer and clearly there's a need to sort out the situation if he is to remain, so that it doesn't impact on his performances on the pitch. The flip side is that if he desperately wants to go, would having him around the club actually be counter-productive given that we are in a relegation scrap at the moment?

What is clear is that the uncertainty surrounding the player's future (leading to rumours that he'd buggered off back to Argentina last night) isn't helping anyone.

At the very least, I'd expect that on Tuesday night someone else might be wearing the captain's armband. Whether that's usual understudy and close friend Spidermag or another candidate (Dreamboat, Saylor, Big Lad) will be interesting to see.

Bob off?

If things weren't bad enough already, Sideshow Bob has apparently asked to leave the club and return to Argentina for personal reasons.

Now, I've got a lot of time for our captain, who has developed into a fine player and a rock in our defence so, assuming they are genuine, I'm not going to criticise him for wanting to leave for personal reasons. I can only assume that they are so severe that they require urgent attention.

However, with Demba Ba already gone and our season already one in which our forthcoming run of games takes on a massive significance in our bid to avoid relegation, this is probably the last thing we needed.

What this does is place even greater importance on us signing at least one (and ideally two) new centre halves (as well as a replacement for Ba) in the remaining 20 days of this month. 

It's not looking great, is it?

Not-so-funny bone

Bad news from the Netherlands, where Tim Krul has sustained an elbow injury in training and is travelling back to Tyneside, missing his country's midweek World Cup qualifier away to Hungary. The weekend had started very promisingly for him, too, with a clean sheet in the Dutchmen's victory over Turkey.

That knock - and his potential absence from next Monday's league fixture at Goodison Park - compounds the fact that we're also likely to be without our skipper for a handful of games, Sideshow Bob having picked up an injury in training while away with Argentina. Raylor and Danny Simpson are already ruled out, but one consolation from a defensive perspective is that Perchinho should be fit again.

There was also a positive to take from Senegal's play-off fixture with the Ivory Coast. The latter may have won 4-2 (even without the help of Mr T), but Papiss Cisse scored for Senegal. Hopefully now that he's remembered where the goal is, he can push on and get back into the sort of explosive, prolific form that meant he made such a huge impact in the second half of last season.

Sideshow Bob recognised

Congratulations to Sideshow Bob, whose excellent performances for us this season have earned him the recognition of his peers, and a place in the PFA Premier League Team of the Season.

Sadly, Sideshow Bob is the only one of our players to make the XI with Joe Hart handed the goalkeeper's jersey ahead of Tim Krul, and Messrs Dreamboat and Mr T losing out in midfield to Scott Parker, Yaya Toure, Gareth Bale and David Silva. 

The presence of three Spurs players (Young Player of the Year Kyle Walker also getting the nod ahead of statistician’s choice Danny Simpson) rather illustrates the fact that the voting is done just after Christmas, before the wheels came off Droopy’s wagon.

Equally unlucky is Demba Ba, whose early-season form must have seen him push Robin van Persie (who presumably mustn’t want to score for Arsenal at present) and Shrek for the striker’s slots.

Still, can’t really argue with too many of the choices and a massive congratulations to Sideshow Bob, who, only two years ago, was named in the Championship team of the year.

Llambiarse in mostly talking sense shocker

(Image courtesy of Community Friend)

So, we've had the weekend to reflect on Llambiarse's latest pronouncements. Where to start?

How's about the widely-reviled rebranding of the stadium? "Do you think me and Mike call it the Sports Direct Arena? We call it St James’ Park, because it IS St James’ Park." Well, at least the duo acknowledge that fact, I suppose, even if he did also drone on about the need to increase "commercial revenue" while avoiding hiking up ticket prices - if they'd done that, he suggested, then they truly would be guilty of "riding roughshod over people's love".

Nevertheless, the fact remains that it's aroused fierce opposition - from the city council, from local MPs, from fans who have demonstrated their displeasure by means of grafitti and tearing down the Sports Direct signage. As a supposedly cash-generating exercise, it's yet to generate any cash except as a way of promoting Jabba's business interests. A Council of Europe committee recently proposed that clubs should be barred from being heavily sponsored by companies with close ties to their owners - Man City were the example cited, but they'd probably be uncomfortable with our current arrangement too.

Llambiarse also claimed that they do genuinely engage with supporters: "We met a guy who drives from Bournemouth for every home match, so we invited him to be our guest and for them to ask anything they wanted. We’ve done it for other fans we’ve met in restaurants". That's all fine and well, but what about engaging with NUST and their aim of ensuring fan representation at board level or at least fan involvement in the running of the club? That would be far more meaningful.

Otherwise (apart from a cringeworthy comment about the "brilliant video presentation" they do for prospective new signings - "very sharp, it is great"), I think we have to concede Llambiarse actually spoke a lot of sense.

On our ambitions: "This season we targeted tenth or above. Next season it was going to be eighth. But our target will still be eight or above next year. We know where we can punch." That's absolutely right - we know we're punching above our weight this season, assisted by others (Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea in particular) punching below theirs, and it's important that we remain realistic and don't allow ourselves to be seduced into ignoring the context and demanding the impossible. Consolidation and then steady improvement are key.

Llambiarse urged that realism is equally important in relation to our chances of retaining our best players: "We’ll be losing one or two names this summer, but that’ll be regenerated back into the squad ... For instance, Tiote has been with us a year and a half. He is out there. People know he’s a good player. He’s proven in the Premier League, he’s not picking up as many yellow cards, he’s learning. How are we going to stop a big club from coming in for him? It’ll be very hard. One thing in our favour is that we now have a very good side and that might encourage the player to stay. But if someone knocks on the door and says they want this or that money, the reality may be that we have to trade".

This season's success has clearly been a double-edged sword - it has inflated the value of our players and perhaps made them more likely to commit long-term, but it's also brought them to the attention of bigger clubs across Europe. In view of the fact that we've just tied Sideshow Bob and Tim Krul down to lengthy new deals, and that Llambiarse spoke highly of both, I'd be a little surprised (though not shocked) to see them allowed to leave - but Mr T and Demba Ba are both players who I suspect we'll struggle to hold on to come the end of the season. (One caveat: Llambiarse's comment perhaps implies that actually we might be actively looking to sell a couple of players - which would be concerning, given that there's no real financial imperative or footballing reason for doing so.)

On the subject of our own transfer dealings, Llambiarse picked out the deal for Papiss Cisse as exemplifying our ideal: "January came and nobody knew Cisse was happening, which is how we like it - those are our most successful deals, without the interference, in terms of upping the price or someone coming in at the last minute". Business conducted in boardrooms rather than on the back pages of the papers - that's as it should be.

The club's hard-nosed negotiating strategy was also laid bare: "At the moment, players and agents know that our first offer is very close to the final offer. Once it’s off the table, it’s off the table and it only goes down. It’s never up, it’s always lower. There are more football players than there are clubs. The manager has his targets and we just move on". Obviously that inflexibility might mean we miss out on certain players, and the success of the approach is dependent upon Llambiarse and Jabba not over- or underestimating a player's value in the first place, but it seems to be working well enough so far and it's encouraging to know that we won't be held to ransom or (hopefully) find ourselves saddled with cash-draining baggage like Alan Smith.

Llambiarse was equally proud of the tough stance towards players or agents insisting on additional clauses: "We just do straight contracts. We do no overseas pensions, no image rights. We say, 'This is your money, now you go away and talk to your tax advisers if you must.'" The decision to scrap goal bonuses, he revealed, was partly prompted by the experience of watching Obafemi Martins in action: "Maybe that’s why he would always shoot from the halfway line! We used to see him on the ball and think, 'Oh look. He’s going to shoot again'".

Not content with changing the way we ourselves operate in negotiations, the pair seem to be intent on revolutionising the transfer system more widely: "We would like to see deferred transfer payments phased out, so that you just pay for a transfer over a year. Why pay for it over five years? Most do it. We prefer to pay it over a short period of time. This was put to the Premer League board in 2010 and was rejected by everybody. We are saying it should be discussed. You shouldn’t be spending money you haven’t got. It’s not the right way to behave". Fair point - and it's refreshing to see us trying to take a lead as regards financially responsible behaviour. The recently published accounts for 2010-11 show a reduction in our operating loss from £33.5m to just £3.9m, indicating that significant strides are being made towards making us a break-even club. While questions still remain to be answered about where exactly the £35m we received from Liverpool for Rocky went, the general picture is far rosier than it was a couple of years ago - and for that, at least, we should acknowledge Jabba and Llambiarse's efforts.

There was one final titbit from the latter: despite oft-repeated rumours, our owner isn't a Spurs supporter. Good to know - except that, in denying this, Llambiarse confirmed that Jabba's actually a Chelsea fan...

"It's onwards and upwards, really"

The words of Tim Krul, following the announcement that our young Dutch stopper and his captain Sideshow Bob have both inked new long-term deals (five and four years respectively). While neither have been quite so infallible of late as they were in the first half of the season, they're cornerstones of our team and so this can only be good news.

Of course, as with the six-and-a-half-year contract signed by Mr T last season, it's not a guarantee that both players will be in our employ for the full length of their deals. But it does signal our intent and help to ensure we'll be properly recompensed if either was to leave, as well as serving as an indication that key squad members are pleased with the club's progress and uninterested in looking for moves elsewhere.

Saint Michael

After the aerial mauling we got at Norwich last weekend, Mike Williamson's return to fitness really couldn't have come at a much more opportune moment. The lanky centre-half, sidelined with injury for the whole campaign thus far, featured in a behind-closed-doors game against Bolton on Tuesday, and so now looks likely to be involved for Saturday's visit of Swansea.

Better still, we may also be able to call upon the calming and assured influence of our skipper Sideshow Bob alongside him. The Swans are as poor on the road as they are effective at home, but the presence of both players in the side to help stop Danny Graham from scoring against his hometown club would be most welcome.

Who will pay the price for the Carrow Road calamities isn't totally certain, but I'd expect the Silver Fox to drop James Perch and Davide Santon and restore Raylor and Danny Simpson to the full-back positions they'd occupied all season up until our injury crisis bit. Santon may have "enjoyed" an inauspicious full Premier League debut but may not have to wait too long for more regular first-team action if, as has been reported, Simpson has rejected a new deal and is inching (or being inched) towards the exit door. (Anyone else get the impression from that Ronnie Gill article that Lee Ryder's trying to plead on Simpson's behalf? Surely he's got an agent for that sort of thing, Lee...)

The silly season

Poor old red tops. With all still going swimmingly at St James' Park (no "bombs" as yet), what is there left to write about?

How's about Sideshow Bob's luscious locks? The Argentine defender, quite exceptional this season (particularly against Spurs), has declared: "I will never cut off my hair". Apparently he's been shorn before, by his more senior defensive colleagues at AC Milan Paolo Maldini and Alessandro Costacurta, but thinks none of his current teammates would dare take a pair of scissors to that unmistakeable barnet. I wouldn't have put it past ASBO, mind...

And then there's Demba Ba's new-found love of darts, which led to the inevitable photo opportunity and which he claims is helping him to focus on hitting a small target. He also said he's now settled in at the club, and rubbished the idea that his observance of Ramadan was responsible for his poor early-season form. Let's hope he doesn't take to using youth team players for target practice...

On the subject of Man City's "Super" Mario, surely a player who can one day declare that he's growing up and embracing the quiet life and that very night set his own house on fire by mucking around with fireworks in his bathroom should be wearing black and white? Perhaps he'll be the striker we pursue in the January transfer window. Then the press really would have some "bombs" to report on...

Sideshow the main man

According to the Chronicle, Sideshow Bob has been handed the captain's armband ahead of next season.

Undoubtedly one of our stand-out players last season, Sideshow Bob has improved massively from his early days with the club, when the physicality of the league looked to trouble him, and a season snuffing out Championship attacks (under the watchful eye of ex-defenders Hughton and Calderwood) clearly paid dividends.

Whether his appointment will help to convince Jose Enrique to stay looks doubtful, but it can't hurt.

Of the other candidates for the job, it seems to me that it was essentially a four horse race, with Steve Harper, ASBO and Steven Taylor the other names realistically in the frame. Of those, Harper looks to have a fight on his hands to stay in the side ahead of Krul and Forster, so is far from a certain starter next season. ASBO is too much of a loose cannon off the pitch (and in the last year of his contract) so that rules him out too. Given his criticisms of the board in recent weeks, and his Twitter comments on the Nolan transfer it was always doubtful that Jabba would sanction his appointment even if Pardew had wanted to give him the armband on a full-time basis.

That leaves Taylor, who got himself back in the team at the end of last season thanks to Mike Williamson's injury, and is now probably established as Sideshow Bob's first-choice partner, but as the second best centre-back at the club (at present) appointing him as captain would have made it awkward should Taylor lose a bit of form and Williamson perform well in training.

What will be interesting to see is who takes on the armband should Sideshow Bob be rested or injured. Will it go to one of the three mentioned above, or will Big Lad, Mr T or new boy Yohan Cabaye be entrusted with the role?