Emergency measures

"Drunken United fan calls 999 and demands to speak to Fergie after cup defeat". On the one hand, this bloke's actions were clearly ridiculous - some of us have had to get used to years of crushingly disappointing cup exits, and usually at an earlier stage than the semi-final. On the other hand, missing four out of five penalties and losing to the Mackems is indeed criminal, so perhaps dialling 999 was justified...

As nice as it is to witness Man Utd's continuing fall from grace, it's irritating that the Mackems had to be the most recent beneficiaries. Still, at least they'll get their comeuppance at Wembley - assuming the real Man City turn up, that is, and not the shadow side that lost last season's FA Cup final to Wigan.