The prisoner

According to Wikipedia, Stockholm syndrome is defined as "a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors or abusers, sometimes to the point of defending them, and sometimes the feeling of love for the captor shows".

Why the pop psychology lesson? Well, Sideshow Bob's latest comments suggest he might be suffering from the condition: "I’m a grateful person and Newcastle have given me the opportunity of playing in the Premier League, which is the elite of football, so I will stay at Newcastle. I have talked many times with San Lorenzo about moving back with them. My desire is to move back but that¹s not going to happen next season. I didn’t move to San Lorenzo last season because Newcastle didn’t want me to leave.I’m not going to move to San Lorenzo now because Newcastle don’t want me to go. I have to respect that decision."

So the good news is that we won't be waving goodbye to our captain and the one player who holds everything together at the back. A relief, to be sure, though you do have to ponder the wisdom of denying him the move he clearly wants - will his frustrations manifest themselves in his levels of performance and commitment next season? Hopefully he's too professional to allow that to happen.

Meanwhile, the Independent have also reported that we've rubbished rumours from L'Equipe that Dreamboat - touted as Sideshow Bob's potential successor as skipper - is on the verge of a move back to his native France, to newly promoted and big-spending Monaco. The article is distinctly quote-free, however - as is an article in the Heil on Sunday claiming that Mr T has followed Papiss Cisse in kicking up a stink about having to wear a Wonga-branded shirt.