El El, cool Jay?

Yesterday's papers brought two new transfer links. First, the Daily Heil suggested we've rekindled our interest in Dutch winger Eljero Elia. The former Hamburg man chose another team in black and white, Juventus, over us in the summer but is kicking his heels on the sidelines in Turin. Quite apart from the fact that I wasn't aware we'd kindled interest in the first place, I'm not sure that wide areas are really where we need to strengthen - but I guess that if a player of Elia's undoubted quality is available (and on a risk-free loan basis), then we should take note.

Meanwhile, the Lancashire Telegraph claims that Burnley striker Jay Rodriguez has caught the Silver Fox's eye. As one of the hottest goalscorers in the Championship (and in a fair to middling team), that's not really surprising. According to the paper, the Clarets are keen to cling on to their man until the summer. Given that the Silver Fox denied a striker was a priority even before we signed Papiss Cisse out of the blue, it seems highly unlikely that he'd add a second forward to the squad before the month's out.

Quote of the day

"The first time I saw my brother do it when we were younger, I wanted to learn it as well. It was in Africa. Me and my friend were practising in gymnastics how to do a front-flip and back-flip. I wasn't the only one - four other people broke their backs as well. It was painful and scary at the time but I thought I might as well try."

Kazenga LuaLua on the trials and tribulations of trying to copy his brother Lomano's goal celebration. What's wrong with right arm extended with palm to the sky a la Wor Al, or even donning a manky old Spiderman mask you've had stuffed down your sock?

LuaLua was speaking ahead of Saturday's FA Cup visit to the Amex Stadium, our first, and said that while scoring against us would be "weird", it certainly won't stop him celebrating: "It's not like I was playing for them week in, week out". Just what we need: an old boy with a chip on his shoulder. With any luck he won't be fit enough to play...

Welcome back

Excellent news from the African Cup of Nations, where Senegal have been knocked out at the group stage. They posted two disappointing 2-1 defeats, the most recent an almighty upset as co-hosts Equatorial Guinea - ranked 151st in the world prior to the tournament - pulled off a shock result. All of which, of course, means that we'll both be reunited with Demba Ba and get to see his international strike partner Papiss Demba Cisse pull on a black and white shirt much sooner than expected.

A quick injury-free return for the pair is just about the best outcome we could have hoped for. That said, the early exit of one of the competition's most fancied sides is partly the result of the duo's failure to score against weak defences, Ba in particular guilty of squandering a number of chances over the two games. Here's hoping he can find his shooting boots - and his stash of strawberry syrup - when he's back on Tyneside.

Our problems at Fulham, however, were largely in defence rather than attack, and for that reason it's to be lamented that Mr T's Ivory Coast, the tournament favourites, registered an opening win and look set to be in it for the long haul.

Name not in our name

"Council notes the decision of Newcastle United Football Club to change the name of St James’ Park to the Sports Direct Arena.

Council agrees with the overwhelming majority of supporters who believe this is the wrong decision.

Council confirms that it has no plans to change any existing wayfinding signs which bear the name of St James’ Park and calls on the club to reconsider their decision.

Council also agrees to write to the media to request that they continue to use the name of St James’ Park in all their reporting and refuse to make use of the name Sports Direct Arena."

So read a Newcastle City Council motion passed unanimously on 11th January. Honourable, stubborn defiance there - but sadly likely to fall on deaf ears. The chances of Jabba reconsidering seem slim, while the BBC have already brushed off the media plea: "It is not the BBC's place, as an impartial public broadcaster, to decide or debate on whether this is correct or not, rather to report on the matches which take place on the field."

Perhaps our best hope remains the possibility that a corporate sponsor might be found who would insist on reinstating it as St James' Park as part of the deal. Mr Branson, might you be persuaded to change your mind?

ASBO: Wanker's poison dwarf

Oh Colin, don't say you weren't warned.

Colin Wanker, recently sacked by QPR, has complained that the club's owners were "slowly poisoned" against him by comments from players on Twitter. And, by implication, one player in particular: ASBO, the man he brought to the club and promptly installed as captain.

ASBO, of course, isn't one to take such comments lying down, and has responded with a volley of verbal jabs on - you guessed it - Twitter. He's bluntly labelled Wanker's attempt to pin the blame on others as "embarrassing".

Forgetting for a moment the fact that seeing the pair publicly at each other's throats is immensely entertaining, it should be pointed out that we were quite clear how disruptive an influence ASBO could be behind the scenes, seemingly incapable of keeping his lip buttoned, instead intent on challenging authority and attempting to carry others with him. In the wake of his departure, The Silver Fox too admitted as much: "In the past they've had a few names who weren't pulling 100 per cent. I look around my dressing room and I don't have anybody like that".

So, while Wanker sits and seethes, and ASBO uses that copy of his former manager's autobiography to wipe his arse, Mark Hughes must be pondering how exactly to deal with the biggest headache he's inherited. And then solve the mystery of the Little Waster's separation anxiety with respect to treatment tables...

Dark horses

We've been surprising a lot of people this season (Saturday's result aside...), and the Guardian's Rob Smyth has been recalling the last time we did so, a decade ago in 2001-2 - the last Premier League season to see a genuine outsider mount a sustained title challenge. It was a time when our only Gallic imports were Laurent Robert and Olivier Bernard, when we roared on the No-Necked Text Pest, when the Little Waster had the world at his twinkle toes, when Black & White & Read All Over wasn't yet a glint in our eyes...

While we're on the subject of how times change, a friend directed me to this poll of December 2010, in which 94.6% of respondents disagreed that the Silver Fox was "the right manager" for the club. He may not have won absolutely everyone over, but I suspect that just over a year on his appointment would be much more popular.

Fulham fathom five

A second reporter's assignment for guest contributor Adam. His debut was the disappointing pre-Christmas home defeat to West Brom. How would the team fare under his scrutiny this time around?

Fulham 5 - 2 Newcastle Utd

No apologies for cribbing the title of this post from the Bard as this was a second-half tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, albeit one performed by the Reduced Shakespeare Company as Newcastle somehow contrived to shoehorn several games’ worth of defensive errors into sixteen turbulent second-half minutes.

It had all looked so different at the interval. Newcastle had appeared the more composed side from the off and looked far more likely to score than the hosts, two Big Lad headers and a low drilled effort from HBA troubling Fulham 'keeper David Stockdale early on. (The confusion arising from the latter enabled John Arne Riise to submit a strong entry for the season’s Lowest Header award - Baddiel and Skinner fans take note). Indeed it was 24 minutes before Tim Krul was tested, gathering a weak effort from former Magpie Damien Duff which just about summed up Fulham’s first-half impotence.

Newcastle kept up the pressure for the rest of the half, with HBA his usual lively (if occasionally frustrating) self and Davide Santon causing problems down the left channel. Even our central defenders were getting in on the act, with something of a collectors' item as Sideshow Bob got on the end of a zipped Mike Williamson cross only for Stockdale to save at close quarters. Just before the break the Toon pressure deservedly bore fruit when Danny Guthrie unleashed a 25-yard belter which gave the Fulham 'keeper no chance. Back to the dressing rooms, job well done. Another 45 minutes like that and we’d be sitting pretty in fifth place.

Just before half-time, however, Fulham boss Martin Jol had replaced the injured Steve Sidwell with Andy Johnson. Little noticed at the time, this change - along with a tweak to the Cottagers’ formation - transformed the game as the previously isolated Bobby Zamora began to look more threatening as Johnson created space with cute runs. It was, however, Duff who inflicted the first wound when he tangled with Santon on the edge of the area and a penalty was awarded. Danny Murphy slotted it away and from that moment onwards Newcastle had a game on their hands.

Unfortunately that "game" swiftly turned into a rout as Johnson, Zamora and Clint Dempsey thereafter seemed to stretch the Newcastle defence at will. The latter’s first goal was rather fortuitous as the ball rebounded off his knee into the net following a fine parry from Krul. However his second, five minutes later, was much more accomplished as he latched onto a Johnson through-ball to power a shot low into the left-hand corner. And before the away end had decided who to blame the scoreline was made even worse as Fulham broke again, Krul upending the advancing Johnson and Zamora slotting away the home side’s second penalty of the game. Thankfully referee Lee Mason declined to add salt to an already gaping wound as Krul escaped with a yellow card.

Newcastle were given belated hope five minutes from time when HBA cut in from the right, tied Riise in knots and slammed a low shot past Stockdale. However any travelling fans whose thoughts strayed to another 4-4 scoreline were disabused of the notion minutes later when Dempsey outpaced our tired-looking centre-back pairing to slot home and claim his hat-trick.

All in all, a strange game, and it would certainly be remiss to overlook how comfortable Newcastle appeared for much of the first half. Nevertheless, while not quite the horror show suggested by the scoreline, the manner of this defeat must give cause for concern. More specifically, the second-half bruising inflicted by Fulham’s attacking trio bore uncanny similarities to the efforts of West Brom’s Shane Long and Peter Odemwingie who made hay at St James’ Park last month. Our difficulties in containing Chelsea’s Daniel Sturridge earlier in December also point to an inconvenient truth: that however solid our defence has intermittently appeared this season, it is vulnerable to genuine pace and movement, suggesting that reinforcement during the January window is a must.

Oh dear. Better luck next time, Adam...

A Fulham fan's perspective: Craven Cottage Newsround (which does a fine job of expressing the shellshock of the Fulham fans at the result, as well as that of those in the away end)

Other reports: BBC, Observer

Cult hero

(Image courtesy of Gene Selkov)

You've got to hand it to HBA. Not only does he seem well aware of the noble tradition of Newcastle players landing themselves neck-deep in hot water with the law, but he's found a remarkably novel way of doing so. Not for him one of the various driving offences committed by Toon players past and present, or waving around a replica gun like the Lone Ranger, or a good old-fashioned bout of lairy violence a la Rocky or ASBO.

Oh no.

Instead, HBA has been accused of libellous comments made in an interview with French football mag L'Equipe, in which he claimed to have been forced into joining a religious sect by rapper Abd al Malik, who is now suing our forward. The club's had plenty of cult heroes in the past, just not literally...

HBA also told L'Equipe - the organ of choice when French players want to sound off or be candid/indiscreet in their native tongue, it seems - that his issues with authority and attitude problem stemmed from the lack of paternal love he experienced as a child. And what of his current manager - is HBA feeling the Silver Fox's love? "No. But I respect him for that choice." Our number ten is a complex individual and no mistake - no doubt he's putting his gaffer's fabled man-management skills fully to the test.

It turns out that the Frenchman hasn't been the only Toon forward pondering matters paternal in relation to a dislike/distrust of authority figures. In HBA's case, it was the absence of his father's love; in Leon O'Best's case, it was the absence of a father at all. The Nottingham-born hero of Sunday's win over QPR told the BBC's Late Kick-Off that he's since grown up and benefitted enormously from the guidance and support of his mum. Apparently he did drift down the "wrong path" for a while, and many childhood friends with whom he's still in contact are now serving time - not that the two paths are mutually exclusive, of course, as the case of ASBO demonstrates...

Keep on the move?

No surprise to learn that Celtic are eager to convert Fraser Forster's loan move into a permanent deal this month - and I'd expect Jabba and the Silver Fox to agree (on the condition that the fee's acceptable). While it would be a shame to see the promising young 'keeper leave, he's made himself at home in Glasgow and some of his quotes have suggested he already sees himself as a Celtic player, somewhat estranged from his parent club, with whom he doesn't see much of a future.

That would leave us needing a new stopper, with Steve Harper not getting any younger, Rob Elliot yet to convince and Ole Soderberg seemingly not rated by the Silver Fox. Filling that gap could wait until the summer, though - there are more pressing needs at present.

Wor Aly?

Could Papiss Demba Cisse soon be followed to Tyneside by yet another import from France? Rumours of our interest in Lyon's Aly Cissokho are longstanding, but according to the player negotiations between the two clubs are now underway.

While Cissokho seems eager to leave his current club, he stopped short of identifying St James' Park as his preferred destination, instead keeping his options open. It's also worth noting that he's a left-back, not the central defender we'd earmarked as a priority. With the Silver Fox claiming that "we're blessed with full-backs", signing another one would be a little curious. That said, he is at least a natural left-footer, unlike all of our other options in his position except Shane Ferguson.

Twitter tosser

While bigotry on the pitch has been the subject of much comment of late, it seems it's equally alive and well online. Following on from the racist abuse directed at Little Big Lad on Twitter, it's now emerged that the club as a whole has been a target. Well done, whoever you are, on proving yourself both big and clever.

On a tangential note, my first contribution to the revamped and relaunched Two Unfortunates site is an interview with Stan Horne, the first black ever player to turn out for Manchester City, Aston Villa and Fulham.

McGhee hoping to make his Mark in Brizzle

Congratulations to old boy Mark McGhee on his appointment as manager of Bristol Rovers. And good luck - given their current predicament, he'll need it...

Demba at the double

I think it's fair to say that, until yesterday, the transfer window had been something of a non-event. The only significant deal to have gone through was Gary Cahill's move from Bolton to Chelsea, one that's been mooted for months. So credit to us for springing a bit of a surprise.

True, we'd been linked with Freiburg's Papiss Demba Cisse before, but he appeared to be out of our price range and firmly in the sights of deeper-pocketed Premier League rivals including the Mackems. But no sooner had Paul reported on rumours the Senegalese striker was in Toon for a medical than it was announced that the deal was done, the wheels oiled by Freiburg's capture of a replacement. For a club whose transfer business is so often conducted out in the open, much to our detriment, the swiftness and decisiveness of this move - and the secrecy in which it was swaddled - is refreshing.

A fee of around £10m - more than I thought Jabba would be prepared to part with for a single player, I admit - has secured us the services of one of the most deadly marksmen in the Bundesliga. Not only that, but he's an international team-mate of Demba Ba, and flew off to rejoin the Senegal squad ahead of the Africa Cup of Nations once he'd signed. My first fear was that he was being brought in as a pre-emptive replacement for Ba (which, admittedly, would at least have indicated a welcome if unusual degree of forward planning on our part), but the Silver Fox has spoken excitedly about the pair teaming up in black and white.

Cisse's arrival, and the immediate assignment of the vacant number nine shirt to him, will of course be deflating for some - particularly Big Lad and Leon O'Best, who showed against QPR that they can prove adequate substitutes for our absent leading goalscorer. But in the bigger picture it can only be good for the club that we've significantly enhanced our firepower.

Here's hoping Demba #2 proves to be as astute a signing as Demba #1.

Piece of Papiss

According to reports, Freiburg striker Papiss Demba Cisse is on Tyneside for a medical ahead of a rumoured £10 million transfer. Allegedly also a target of 5under1and, Cisse was a player we were reportedly linked with in the summer as the transfer window started to close and our search for a striker grew ever more frantic.

Interestingly, in addition to having a pretty tidy scoring record in the Bundesliga, Cisse is also an international teammate of Demba Ba and is currently in Senegal's African Cup of Nations squad. How he is currently on Tyneside, rather than training in Gabon is beyond me, but presumably he's been released to sort out a move, rather than been allowed to join up later with the Senegal team than Demba Ba.

Anyway, if the deal is to go through, it looks a prudent signing by bolstering our attacking options (albeit not for the duration of the ACN). It should also push Big Lad, O'Best and HBA to try harder in the contest for places, whilst also nudging the Lone Ranger and Peter Lovenkrands towards the door.

Hoops O'Bested

Newcastle Utd 1 - 0 QPR

A brilliant finish from Leon O'Best was enough to overcome a limited QPR side at St James' Park yesterday.

With Colin Wanker having been handed his P45 and ASBO suspended, new manager Mark Hughes obviously took little time in instilling his footballing philosophy into his new charges. Admittedly his take on footballing philosophy is much less "total football" and far more "total wipe-out" with his team repeatedly guilty of committing late challenges in a bid to unsettle our side.

In some ways it was probably a blessing that Mr T was absent for this match, as I suspect he'd have been less inclined to rise above the physical challenge presented by the visitors and probably seek to exact his own form of direct justice. As it was, we demonstrated admirable restraint and as a result didn't pick up a single booking, unlike the visitors for whom four players were carded and Shaun Derry was perhaps slightly fortunate to remain on the pitch after he lost control of the ball and slid through Dreamboat in a bid to get it back.

That tackle, coming midway through the first half, saw the Frenchman depart on a stretcher and the arrival of HBA as a replacement. (Thankfully, the Silver Fox suggested that the injury was nothing too serious in his post-match interview).

We started the game sluggishly, with Dreamboat as guilty as the next man of some wasteful play and a general torpor across both players and fans, and it was the visitors who enjoyed the better of the opening exchanges. Tim Krul twice had to make decent saves, and Shaun Wright-Phillips shaved the cross bar from distance.

However, Dreamboat's departure saw the Silver Fox rejig our formation, abandoning 4-4-2 in favour of a fluid 4-2-3-1 which saw HBA, Spidermag and O'Best spread behind Big Lad, with Raylor and the returning Danny Guthrie sitting slightly deeper in midfield. The resultant shift saw us enjoy more time on the ball, and while our final ball into the box was often lacking, either in terms of quality or intended recipients (with Big Lad often alone in the box), we began to dominate the game.

Eventually, that pressure began to tell, with Raylor seeing a long-range shot touched round the post, and a number of corners forcing the visitors to defend. The goal came after a chipped ball from Spidermag was headed down by Big Lad in to the path of the on-rushing Raylor (I think, although it could have been Guthrie) who stumbled, but still managed to touch the ball out to O'Best. He controlled the ball beautifully and shifted it on to his right, nutmegged Luke Young and then slotted the ball calmly past Paddy Kenny, having sent the 'keeper the wrong way. It was a fine goal and should hopefully do our Irish striker's confidence the world of good.

From there on, it was simply a case of protecting our lead, with QPR lacking the subtlety in midfield or the finishing prowess up front to really trouble our defence. A Jay Bothroyd shot which was easily saved by Krul being their best chance of forcing an undeserved equaliser.

With fifteen minutes to go the Silver Fox introduced James Perch for Raylor and Perch took up a position just in front of the back four, enabling him to effectively screen our defence. At the other end, one moment of skill from HBA almost brought a second as he accelerated away from his man and slid a great ball out to the left. O'Best's cross in looked destined for Big Lad, only to be nudged out of his reach at the last second. However, one goal was always likely to be enough to ensure we took the points and moved above Liverpool into sixth.

Unlike our previous home league match, this was hardly a classic, albeit one in which Santon (bedding himself in at left-back) O'Best (who worked tirelessly and took his goal very well) and Guthrie (deservedly receiving plaudits after an excellent all-round display) all stood out. HBA too looked very good when he came on, and his dynamism, allied to the Silver Fox's tactical change, marked a significant shift in the balance of the game, which ultimately gave us the victory.

Other reports: BBC, Guardian

Take the power back?

Since seizing control in the summer of 2007, Jabba has stabilised the club finances and overseen our return to the Premier League as a refreshed and rejuvenated side. But he's also treated two club legends in King Kev and Wor Al appallingly, rewarded Chris Hughton for getting us promoted with the sack, sold Rocky without having any back-up plan and kept all the cash, renamed the stadium and, perhaps most criminally of all, handed employment to both the Poison Dwarf and JFK. It begs the question: just what would it take to push us supporters over the edge?

For Wimbledon fans, it was when their club was relocated to the arsehole of the UK, Milton Keynes, by greasy pop supremo Pete Winkelman in 2004. For some Man Utd fans, it was the Glazer takeover, which saw the club plunged into huge debt through nifty financial gymnastics and prices hiked for your average punter.

FC United of Manchester, formed a year after AFC Wimbledon in 2005, are owned, funded and run by the fans, meaning that those who pay the prices get to set them too. The club marched up the football pyramid following their formation, and though they've now plateaued somewhat in the Northern Premier League Premier Division, their home games still attract around 2000 attendees. One blustery wet Saturday afternoon in early December, I was one of them.

Watching the lunchtime kick-off against Chelsea at the Swan & Cemetery in Bury, I was curious to notice the pub filling up with scarf-wearing supporters. It turned out that although the Shakers weren't playing at nearby Gigg Lane, FC United were, it being their main home ground. And that's how, the Blues having condemned us to a 3-0 defeat, that I ended up cheering on a red-shirted Manchester side against a side clad in black and white stripes (Garry Flitcroft's Chorley).

The game itself - a 0-0 draw - wasn't much of a spectacle (Flitcroft had an infinitely more searching examination when up before the Leveson Inquiry), but the enthusiastic support given to the players on the final whistle made it abundantly clear that this isn't just about what happens on the pitch.

Given that the club was founded on the premise of taking a principled stand against greedy out-of-touch ownership, it's not surprising that the fans see themselves as "children of the revolution", as one flag proclaims. Another declares, with pride: "A right bunch of dicks". You can probably buy it in the club shop, a Portakabin and awning-covered stall out in the car park.

The oppositional, political stance is equally prominent in their chants, superbly bastardised punk classics perfectly suited to being bawled from the terraces. For instance, to the tune of 'Anarchy In The UK': "I am an FC fan / I am a Mancunian / I know what I want and I know how to get it / I want to destroy Glazer and Sky / 'Cos I wanna be at FC". Another, to the tune of 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over)', celebrates their longevity and sheer bloodymindedness in the face of being criticised, belittled and ignored by "loyal" Man Utd fans and even self-proclaimed socialist Fergie: "Merry Christmas / And a happy New Year / We're FC United / And we're still fucking here".

But their ambitions extend beyond just surviving. The parody of the Pogues' 'Dirty Old Town', ending with a lyric about building their own ground, isn't just wishful thinking. Planning permission has been granted for a site in Moston and fundraising efforts are ongoing to help make the dream a reality.

The truth is that all over the country fans are seizing back control of their clubs, as Kevin Rye of Supporters Direct recently noted on the NUST site, and FC United are only one of the more extreme cases. For Rye, there's no doubt that the model of fan ownership can work - and, by implication, that it could work anywhere, including at Newcastle.

The question, though, is whether we have sufficient stomach to take on Jabba, or to turn our backs on the club altogether and form an FC United of our own. With the club apparently solvent and sitting comfortably in seventh, it's difficult to see a similar splinter movement gaining traction while the (relatively) good times roll at St James' Park. But we should remember that it's been officially rechristened the Sports Direct Arena in flagrant disregard of fans' views, and that FC United have developed in parallel/opposition to a club which rarely goes a season without some kind of silverware. To paraphrase a Mancunian, we can have it all but how much do we want it?

Bad boy bid blocked

News emerged yesterday that the Silver Fox has been trying to add a third ex-Man Utd player to our wage bill alongside Danny Simpson and Gabriel Obertan. (Oh, OK, do we have to include Alan Smith? Fourth, then...) The Red Devils have rebuffed our advances for Ravel Morrison but Taggart's comments suggest he'd be happy to see the back of the teenage midfielder/forward: "We have offered him terms, which he has refused. His demands are unrealistic. His agent has been working hard to get him another club."

Man Utd's refusal to accede to his demands may in part be due to the fact that he's earned himself a reputation as a real loose cannon, the 18-year-old having already wound up in trouble for assaulting his mother and chucking his girlfriend's phone through a window. Presumably the Silver Fox feels he can tame him and keep him under control, and is keen to profit if Man Utd do finally run out of patience.

It's a dangerous game, of course. That strategy and faith in the power of rehabilitation and second chances has hardly paid off with Nile Ranger yet, the striker's behaviour having been a constant headache for the staff. But the view among those in the know in Manchester is that the hot-head is also a tremendous talent - if he wasn't, he'd probably have been bundled out of the Old Trafford exit door sooner. Man Utd fans seem torn between wanting to keep him or wash their hands, with the whole issue of tribal loyalties cropping up - some argue that his off-field misdemeanours are unimportant and irrelevant, and that he should be cheered on just because he's wearing the club shirt.

If the Silver Fox persists, and if he's successful, then it looks as though we may have ourselves a new ASBO.

(Thanks to Simon for the Sport Witness link.)

Ba's French fancy

What with the transfer window being open, it was never going to be long before we had our first case of verbal diarrhoea. "I have always supported PSG and it's a club that is enticing but it will be difficult to do that in January", Demba Ba has been quoted as saying. The player's denial - or at least the claim that the comments were taken out of context - followed swiftly afterwards.

Ba's hometown club wouldn't be alone in taking an interest in our striker, with pretty much all six clubs currently above us in the table reportedly keen. As yet, though, no offers have been forthcoming - and that despite Droopy's attempts to flog him for us. Ever the wheeler-dealer, eh, 'Arry? Keep your fleshy beak and the rest of your flabby face out of our business.

If, hypothetically speaking, Ba was to be sold, then speculation's been rife that his replacement could be the man he himself replaced - rumours rubbished by Rocky's agent as well as his manager Kenny Dalglish. While the prospect of re-signing the striker for £25m less than we sold him would clearly be appealing, it's a moot point, really: we play a different style of football now without a bullying presence up front, and Jabba would be very unlikely to sanction a transfer fee or wages that hefty. Still, stranger things have happened on Tyneside.

Might we soon find ourselves linked with another old boy, though? It seems Sebastien Bassong is getting frustrated at warming Droopy's bench, we're in the market for a central defender, and a left-footer would complement Sideshow Bob nicely. Incidentally, that particular hole definitely won't be plugged by former triallist Darnel Situ, who has now finally signed for Swansea.