Hot wheels

So it turns out that there are disadvantages to Bigger Lad's whereabouts being common knowledge.

We've had all manner of motoring-related mishaps befall Toon players past and present over recent years - from smashes (Bramble, Dyer, Griffin) and speeding (Duff, Lovenkrands) to windows tinted too dark (Given) and driving theory test deception (N'Zogbia) - but being the victim of vehicular arson is definitely a new one.

The investigation sounds like a case for Poirot: "Can you think of anyone who might want to do this? Have you got any enemies? Oui... Mmm... OK... Er, un moment monsieur, I'm going to need a fresh sheet of paper..."

In other news TalkSport are, predictably enough, reporting that the currently unemployed Steve Clarke is in line to replace Colin Calderwood as Chris Hughton's assistant. Perhaps someone should tell reporter Wally Downes that Clarke has already filled the very same role at St James' Park, not just at Stamford Bridge and Upton Park...