Clean sheets, double trouble and rarer-than-hen's-teeth goals

Congratulations to Fraser Forster, who on Monday marked his temporary side Celtic's tenth successive SPL victory with a clean sheet against bottom club Dunfermline. With Forster proving a powerful repellent between the sticks, the Hoops have reeled in rivals Rangers to lead the division by two points. Might we choose to cash in on him this transfer window? I suppose it all depends on whether Steve Harper goes out on loan again, with Hull being mooted as Harps' next seaside destination.

In the news for less savoury reasons are a pair of midfielders who not long ago wore the black and white stripes. First ASBO, who was red-carded for the fifth time in his career against Norwich. The noted philosopher and friend of Jabba and Llambiarse had given QPR the lead in the battle of the two promoted sides, but his dismissal - for allegedly head-butting Bradley Johnson - turned the game in the Canaries' favour and they ran out 2-1 winners. The decision was harsh (something even Wor Al - hardly ASBO's biggest champion - conceded on Match Of The Day), but Colin Wanker has done himself no favours with the FA (or opposition fans) by joining his captain in accusing the Norwich midfielder of "conning" the referee. For his part, Johnson has taken the opportunity to pass public comment on ASBO's oral hygiene.

And then there's Stephen Ireland, admittedly rarely sighted in Toon garb, who allowed girlfriend Jessica Lawlor to tweet a photo of himself supping booze and chuffing on a shisha pipe. Arguably most remarkable, though, were the topless midfielder's silver snakeskin strides. As Newcastle fans will recall, this isn't the first time that Ireland's been caught in compromising circumstances on camera. Needless to say, Alex McLeish was less than impressed, muttering something about him not doing himself justice on the pitch for Villa - words the player seems to have heeded, judging by the goal that helped the Midlanders to a shock 3-1 victory at Stamford Bridge.

Villa were brought crashing back down to earth on Monday by Swansea, thanks in part to Wayne Routledge. Our former winger's goal at Villa Park was - unbelievably - his first ever in the Premier League, at the seventh club and more than 100th time of asking...

Over and out

So that's that, then. It looks as though an ankle injury sustained on Saturday will mean that the sum total of Stephen Ireland's contribution to our season will have been two fleeting excursions off the bench. He came close to scoring in both, but they were substitute appearances all the same. A shame it's worked out this way - I really thought (well, hoped, at least) that we might be able to give him a suitable platform to resurrect a career which is already ailing at the age of just 24.

The injury leaves Ireland in a sorry situation - unlikely to net the move he (and we) might have wished for, and unwanted by the parent club to which he'll be forced to return for treatment (and the reception he gets will be frosty given he's made very clear that the feeling's mutual).

Still, if it's any consolation, come the end of the season we'll probably have seen more of him in a black and white shirt than Dan Gosling...

Knacked knee nobbles Harps

Tim Krul will continue to deputise for Steve Harper against Blackpool, with Alan Pardew announcing that Harps' knee injury may even mean going under the knife. Not that that's really cause for concern. Man Utd may not have been at their best on Tuesday night while Mr T and our defence were stout and resolute, meaning the Dutchman was less troubled than he might have otherwise anticipated, but he did have to pull off a magnificent save from the Little Pea just two minutes in.

With Fraser Forster continuing to excel north of the border and Ole Soderberg keen for action too, Pardew's been speaking recently about having to juggle his 'keepers again next season. It's a nice headache to have - if only we were blessed with such potential riches in other areas of the pitch.

Meanwhile, it's nice to see that not everyone has been moaning about their treatment at the hands of Tuesday night's St James' Park crowd - Stephen Ireland has described himself as being "taken aback" by the reception he got when appearing of the bench for his Toon debut. We've been critical of the on-loan midfielder around these parts, but he looked surprisingly lively and you have to give him credit just for making it onto the pitch, given his partner Jessica Lawlor's recent car crash. Here's hoping for a swift recovery for her and a few dynamic performances from him.

Clubbers' comedown

So Stephen Ireland and Leon Best have issued an apology for their ill-timed neet oot on the club website. It bears all the hallmarks of having been forced out of them by an angry Alan Pardew, but let's hope Ireland now appreciates the circumstances in which he finds himself and remembers the need to make a good impression rather than just an impression generally...

Club's clubbers caught on camera

So, does Stephen Ireland's neediness stretch to needing the freedom to have a night out on the tiles? An unusual injury cure for Ireland (and Leon Best), to be sure, though not a novel one - Rocky having pioneered it at the start of the year...

Not the actions of a man aware he needs to impress to win a contract - and he'd do well to remember that he's not likely to be welcome back at Villa Park if a deal doesn't materialise...

Reaction times

Man City striker Mario Balotelli's not having a particularly good time of it at the moment, is he? Not only was he red-carded for a nasty kick in Thursday's Europa League game against Dynamo Kiev, which ultimately cost his club a place in the next round, but he's incapable of putting a bib on and, even worse, is apparently allergic to grass. Which does make you wonder: are Messrs Ireland and Gosling also allergic to the pitch?

That got me speculating about what other unusual allergies might be diagnosed among those in and around St James' Park. Wayne Routledge seems to be allergic to Premier League football, Alan Smith to usefulness, Sol Campbell to scales and Jabba to leaving things be when everything's looking rosy...

Unfit for purpose

What odds Shefki Kuqi getting more game time for us this season than much more vaunted signings Stephen Ireland, Hatem Ben Arfa and Dan Gosling? Short and getting shorter by the day.

Alan Pardew suggested yesterday that we're keen on securing Ireland's services on a permanent basis - though, of course, he's got to make it off the treatment table and onto the pitch in Toon colours first. That long-awaited first appearance looks to have been deferred again with the news that he's now picked up a thigh strain - partly the result, Pardew conceded, of our eagerness to rush him back: "I think we're at fault a little bit". Just another instance of self-inflicted damage, given that exactly the same fate befell Gosling - ten minutes as a substitute at the Stadium of Shite and he's not been seen since.

But might we actually be learning from our mistakes? Pardew has also dampened optimism that Ben Arfa might make a return to action before the end of the current campaign, arguing that "the most important thing is Hatem is 100% when he plays". A case of the stable door being bolted long after at least a couple of horses have galloped off into the distance, but hopefully it might mark the advent of a new pragmatic caution with regard to rehabilitation.

In fairness to Pardew, though, you can understand his desperation to get players back. We're likely to be without all of the above trio for the trip to Stoke, plus ASBO, possibly Spidermag and the suspended Ryan Taylor. Presumably there's no recall clause in the loan deal that took Wayne Routledge to QPR, or else we would have exacerbated their woes and brought him back to Tyneside by now. A shame, as he's rediscovered his mojo back at his old Loftus Road stamping ground and could have been a useful asset in our hour of need.

(Incidentally, also of interest among Pardew's comments about Ireland was the claim that "he needs to know he is important and he could be here. If he doesn't feel important he doesn't play his best." Arrogance is one thing, but a lack of self-confidence and an ego in constant need of flattery is arguably a more worrying trait in a player.)

Quote of the day

"Mike couldn't get his head round what the football world is about in terms of some of the finances needed - it just doesn't make sense at times. The finances of the football club are so complicated and Mike and Derek are starting to understand and learn from experiences - having made errors."

Alan Pardew, speaking on talkSPORT, hints at what we all know - namely, that Jabba wishes his due diligence checks before buying the club had been rather more thorough. Not even being a successful businessman is a guarantee of being able to comprehend our financial affairs.

On the subject of crazy money, the Sun are reporting that, according to our 2009/10 business plan, in the summer after relegation we valued Rocky at £34m less than we eventually sold him for. Of course his stock rose sharply over the course of the season and a half which followed, but it still underlines that the size of the eventual transfer fee couldn't really be sniffed at.

The business plan also reveals that some players we'd earmarked to keep were nevertheless sold when the opportunity arose (Damien Duff, Sebastian Bassong, Habib Beye) while many we were desperate to flog remained on the books (Sideshow Bob, Spidermag, ASBO, Alan Smith, Jose Enrique). If Rocky's transfer fee reflects well on Jabba, then this doesn't - we might have been prepared to give him credit for keeping the right players to get us promoted, but the fact that the club's sell-and-retain wishlist bore little resemblance to what actually happened indicates that it was less a matter of careful strategy and more of good fortune.

Meanwhile, if you can smell burning, I wouldn't worry - it'll just be the result of Stephen Ireland torching his bridges with Villa in some style, claiming to be unwanted by manager Gerard Houllier and declaring Birmingham to be "a rubbish town". Suffice to say that when his loan period at St James' ends, he's unlikely to be welcomed back with open arms (though you should probably expect him to waffle on about his comments being taken out of context any minute now...). Ireland often talks the talk but in the last couple of seasons has rarely walked the walk - it's time for him to shake off that niggling injury and prove he's not lost the ability that made him Man City's best player.

And finally, Everton's Victor Anichebe has won his out-of-court case against us, having claimed compensation for a tackle by Kevin Nolan in February 2009 which left him sidelined and saw our current skipper red-carded. Just in time to spice things up nicely ahead of tomorrow's rerun, for which Anichebe and Nolan will both be in their respective squads...

Reflections on the window

So here we are, another 24 hours of madness at St James' Park, and the close of another transfer window. Presumably everyone at Sky Sports News spends much of today in a cold shower.

Anyway, reflecting on the transfer window as a whole largely involves reflecting on events of the last 24 hours. However, before we get onto 31st January 2011, it's worth remembering that for our part, the remainder of the transfer window had seemed largely successful. We confirmed Hatem Ben Arfa's permanent arrival and then spent the rest of the month watching as Alan Pardew repeated his mantra that Rocky wasn't for sale at any price, and that we were resisting bids from all of our star performers, whilst also seeking to add players if they became available.

Making space in the squad was Wayne Routledge, who found himself back at QPR on loan, and instantly proved what a devastating force he is in the Championship.

Pardew himself had previously stated that any player he might bring in had to be big enough to wear the shirt, so presumably mental strength was pretty high up the wish list.

Then 31st January arrived, and things all went a bit awry. Firstly, Liverpool suddenly found themselves imminently short of a striker and cash-rich. They knocked on our door, waving big bags of cash and presumably saying "Watch your striker, mister". To which, after some to-ing and fro-ing, the club decided to wave Rocky goodbye.

Now, as I pointed out yesterday, £35 million is an awful lot of money for a player who has the potential to be a world-beater, but who also has a bit of a history as a people-beater, and whose career could just as quickly go downhill (if his party lifestyle gets the better of him) as it could continue on an upwards trajectory.

There are, however, two caveats to this. The first is that we must stay up. If we are now relegated because we can't score enough goals, then this will look like the worst deal in history. Secondly, Pardew needs to be given the cash to spend on strengthening the squad and finding replacements. If that happens, then £35 million buys several very good players who would bolster the team and the squad, and should make us a much more stable Premier League club going forward (assuming we don't waste it on crap). Of course, if Jabba just banks the cash, then again this becomes a disastrous move (albeit one over which we currently have no control).

The player, apparently, was reluctant to go (as this text transcript suggests), but equally, seems to have done OK out of the deal, with reports of a phenomenal wage hike coming his way. Should enable him to replace his burnt out car, anyway. Of course, if he ends up having to live with his new captain, it's to be hoped they don't get in a fracas over the choice of music on the stereo...

Also slinking out of the door, and keeping a typically low profile, was the Xisco Kid who is now back in Spain with Deportivo La Coruna on loan - hopefully that's one loan deal which will become a permanent transfer.

With Rocky gone to pastures new, we did manage to add the midfielder we'd been chasing for a while, with Stephen Ireland eventually arriving after some curious reports suggesting that he'd failed his medical. Whilst undoubtedly a technically gifted individual, does anyone think that Ireland's record indicates he has the mental strength to wear the shirt (something which Pardew stressed was imperative)? I hope he proves to be a fine acquisition, but there must be a question mark over his signing (albeit on loan).

Then, with the clock ticking down, and Sky Sports News reaching fever pitch, rumours surfaced that we'd bid between £10-£12 million for the Zog. Given that we don't need another left winger, we flogged the player (under a cloud) for £6 million two years ago and that Dave Whelan and Jabba really don't get on, this just seems like the biggest bag of rubbish I've heard in ages. Thankfully it didn't come to pass.

Apparently, we were also gazumped by Blackpool who trumped our bid to take Jason Puncheon on loan from Southampton.

Where we go from here is crucial. Planning must start now for the summer, with the identification of the targets that we are going to look to bring in. With an attacking line up of Ameobi, Ranger (who really must start taking his chances), Lovenkrands and Best, we don't look the best equipped strike force in the country, and a lot of pressure will now rest on the shoulders of ASBO and Nolan to ensure the team picks up enough points to ensure our survival so that we can really look to kick on over the summer.

What all this does for the credibility of Pardew is up for debate, but either he was lying when he said Rocky wasn't for sale at any price, or he wasn't being informed of Jabba's feelings on the subject. Either way, it can't make his life any easier.

If we're to move on from this quickly, then a win on Wednesday is an important step forward. A defeat, and the feelings of betrayal and mutiny in the stands might well begin to boil over - again.