Florian not joining the French Foreign Legion

Florian Thauvin must be very small to have slipped through the massive net we've been using to trawl Ligue 1 for new players this month. The highly-rated youngster was the subject of serious interest from ourselves and Arsenal, but has instead opted to remain in France, signing for Debuchy and Dreamboat's old club Lille. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

We could yet sneak in another Frenchman before the transfer window shuts, though, with the Sun among several sources claiming an approach for Standard Liege's William Vainqueur. The 24-year-old is a midfielder, though, and I'd hope we'd be more concerned with adding to our striking options, if anything.

Meanwhile, Deadline Day is proving as frantic as ever for our old chum 'Appy 'Arry down at QPR, who has drafted in Christopher Samba from Anzhi Makhachkala for a club record transfer fee of £12.5m and wages of £100,000 a week. I wonder who it was who, in the wake of a December defeat at St James', declared: "You shouldn't be paying massive wages when you've got a stadium that holds 18,000 people"? Answers on a postcard.

As BBC Sport's David Ornstein has pointed out, the terms of the Samba deal are essentially identical to those the Hoops declined in the summer on the grounds of protecting their finances. With their wealthy financial backer, the club's only insurance policy, threatening to walk away because of people saying nasty things about him on Twitter, what could possibly go wrong?