Solano seeks Shakers shift

When visiting the in-laws in Bury, I've been known to nip off to Gigg Lane to watch the Shakers in action - so it was with some interest that I read I could in future find myself cheering on a home side managed by one Nolberto Solano. The Peruvian has apparently applied for the vacant position formerly filled by Kevin Blackwell, but would be well advised to ensure due diligence - the Shakers are something of a basket-case club currently on a collision course for successive relegations, and will need more than trumpet solos to save them...

Testicles, trysts, rookies and recommendations

Given the disspiriting defeat at home to West Ham, perhaps getting bitten or stung into action was just what we needed - so last week's I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here theme day (in honour of Ant and Dec, of course) was arguably well-timed. Sadly it didn't have the desired effect, as we lost at St James' Park again on Saturday with a performance about as pleasurable as chowing down on some kangaroo bollocks...

Meanwhile, in other news, Danny Simpson appears to be in danger of being distracted by off-field personal drama, dating X-Factor judge Tulisa while his girlfriend is pregnant with their second child. Just a thought, Danny, but given your contract situation I'd be very much concentrating on your football...

Away from St James', everyone's favourite trumpet-playing Peruvian love rat Nobby Solano has been working miracles back in his homeland, taking Universitario from relegation to the brink of qualification for the Copa Libertadores. Maybe Hartlepool, where he ended his playing career, might regret not considering his managerial application at greater length.

And finally, Blackburn's former Toon defender Bradley Orr has admitted that his loan move to Ipswich was inspired by Sir Bobby Robson - proof that the great man continues to have an influence from beyond the grave. Not that he got off to the best of starts, not escaping public criticism from manager Mick McCarthy following the Tractor Boys' 6-0 thrashing at Leicester...

Benfield bonus

Nobby Solano's back at Newcastle - not Utd, though, but Benfield, in the capacity of first-team coach. The trumpet-playing Peruvian legend, who will remain registered as a Hartlepool player despite being deemed surplus to requirements by manager Neale Cooper, is working towards his coaching badges and has clearly decided to start small and local, giving something back to the area that supported him so fervently for much of his career. All the best to him - here's hoping that, after Lee Clark, he's the next unexpectedly talented manager to have played for the club.

A tough Brazil nut to crack?

Talksport have linked us with a move for Porto striker Hulk, impressive as one of the Portuguese club's three-man strikeforce as they beat much-fancied Villareal over two legs in the semi-final of the Europa League. If we could nab the Brazilian striker ahead of Spurs, Liverpool and assorted European suitors, and in spite of his express desire to "play where people fight for titles", then it truly would be incredible. Perhaps we should try to sell him on the move by pointing out that we're a comic-book-hero-friendly club, already boasting Spidermag on the wing?

One South American definitely relocating to the North East (for the third time) is Nobby Solano, who's swapped Hull for Hartlepool. Oh the glamour.