Newcastle reunited?

Oh for those halcyon days of assault charges, torched cars, riotous parties and someone doing regular chicken impressions for reasons best known to himself. The Silver Fox seems to have gone all dewy-eyed at the prospect of bringing Rocky and his mentor/guardian Kevin Nolan back to St James' Park from tomorrow's opponents West Ham. We presumably also had scouts watching this chap ASBO score direct from a corner for Marseille in the Europa League on Thursday. And while we're at it, I wonder what Little Saint Mick, the Little Waster and Alan Smith are up to these days?

All joking aside, it's a bit embarrassing. It's undeniable that Rocky and Nolan did well for us, but we've moved on since then and re-signing either of them would be a significant step backwards - Rocky because his physical presence up front would take our current forward-thinking style back to the dark ages (or the golden ages as they're known to Fat Sam), and Nolan because he'll very soon be past it.

While the Silver Fox enthused about Rocky's abilities, he did also suggest that bringing him back would be a way of repaying a "great debt": "The position we are in, if I'm honest, is because we used the money from Andy's sale well". Needless to say, being grateful to him for raising enough revenue to improve the playing squad is not a reason to re-sign him. Of course, the acknowledgement that the squad has improved in his absence doesn't mean we don't need further reinforcements and acquisitions - but neither our Scouse former skipper nor the man whose diary contains as many court appearances as the Lone Ranger's are the answer.

They will now both score against us, of course.