Fog on the Taedong

Just when you thought things couldn’t get much worse, along comes Jabba to provide an easy source of further ridicule. 

This time, he’s taken umbrage at the recent local press coverage given to the Time4Change march and as such has banned the Ronny Gill, the Journal and the Sunday Sun from the club. 

Ironically, it is those same publications which are often criticised for being too pally with the club, too willing to toe the party line but not anymore. 

Presumably Jabba is already starting his own Sports Direct edition of Pravda which will be available in the club shop and carry exclusive interviews and match reports in which every player is at least a 7 out of 10 and our goals are feted regardless of results. Pyongyang upon Tyne anyone? 

Press bans aren’t themselves a new thing, with the Telegraph’s Luke Edwards singled out last season over his stories of a Francophone clique in the dressing room and indeed, many years ago, I had a conversation with then Newcastle correspondent Alan Oliver who described a six-month ban during Keegan’s first reign, which he described as one of the hardest periods of his professional life. 

The reality is, for Lee Ryder et al, they are now going to have to work twice as hard to fill the voracious appetite of their readership for stories about our club. However, they can do so without fear of causing offence, which means they can report honestly about both the club and possibly also Wonga (who they had started to embrace).

Perhaps a critical approach to the club’s main sponsor might see some pressure exerted by Wonga, which in turn might see Jabba re-open the doors to the local press.

Until then it makes our owner, and by association our club, look small, petty-minded and frankly ridiculous, causes greater uncertainty and means we once again find ourselves worrying more about relegation than about bouncing back from Sunday's defeat.

Update:

You can read the text of the club's letter here and the National Union of Journalism's response can be found here.

A mirror to our soul

Two articles in the Mirror this weekend, with reported quotes from Llambiarse giving the paper plenty of column inches.

Firstly, he can be found boasting about the Rocky sale, gleeful recounting how we got the full £35 million up front, and due to late payment of the fee also picked up a further £12k interest, as well as reporting on the player's current value as "fuck all". (To be fair, even though I suspect the player will ultimately come good for them, there are a number of Liverpool fans I know who'd probably echo Llambiarse's sentiment at present.)

Secondly, he turned his sights on a trio of former managers. The Lion of Gosforth apparently gave too much control to Iain Dowie and is very arrogant (something which is our fault). Which raises some interesting questions about the club's subsequent statement that employing Shearer as manager was the best decision they ever made.

Keegan apparently couldn't hack the pressure and was only appointed because we were trying to sell to someone who wanted him bringing in as manager. To be fair to Keegan, as the employment tribunal found, having the Poison Dwarf bringing in shite players you don't want might have made it a difficult situation to operate in even if you've got the the calmness of a bomb disposal expert.

Chris Hughton however, couldn't make a firm decision, so that's why he had to go. Hardly surprising given that he probably never knew what level of shitstorm the powers that be would inflict upon him on a day-to-day basis.

Presumably while the Silver Fox says the right things before the cameras, he's obviously got the ability to stand his ground when necessary - something which the club hierarchy clearly value. What that suggests is that ours is currently an incredibly macho working environment - and one can only wonder if Llambiarse goes to bed every night with a packet of tissues and a laminated picture of Gordon Gecko.

Ultimately though, the coup de grace was Llambiarse's comment that "You guys don’t ­understand how fucking ­horrible we can be".

Having already inflicted JFK on us, renamed St James' Park, repeatedly lied to us and treated former club legends like dirt, it's difficult to see what else they could do, without undermining the brand to the point where Jabba would never be able to get a return on his investment. Still, I'm sure from his comments that Llambiarse still has a few ideas up his sleeves...

Where did it all go right?

With the international break now upon us, it gives a quick opportunity to round up the suffusion of articles that emerged last week with journalists desperate to put their finger on the secret of our success.

First up is TBW in the Guardian who points to a recruitment policy with a strong Gallic focus, our current style of play which has seen us put greater emphasis on ball retention, the hard work put in on the training ground coupled with the strong influence of Sideshow Bob and the fact that, generally speaking, ours is a team comprising players in form.

In the Telegraph, Luke Edwards has picked out Pardew's attention to detail (which again manifests itself on the training ground) and the self-belief which is currently coursing through the team. He also puts great stock in the presence of HBA, who appears in his eyes to be single-handedly raising everyone's game just by sitting in the room. He also notes the spine of Geordie staff which the club (and particularly Pardew) has to call upon, with John Carver and Steve Stone both to the fore, while the influence of Graham Carr has been heralded by all and sundry for some time now. Last, and by no means least, is the harmony throughout the club, with the team, management and ownership all seemingly pulling together to make the good ship Newcastle Utd travel smoothly.

Sticking in the UK for a second, tonight sees the BBC wade in to the discussion, with The Turnaround Of The Toon being broadcast tonight at 8.30pm and featuring our very own Saylor (presumably without his plastic mask).

Moving further afield, The Wall Street Journal has also had a bash at putting its finger on the secrets of our success, and are very firmly of the belief that it stems from our French recruitment policy (even if their conclusions are slightly undermined by the assertion that Mr T is French).

Finally, sticking with the foreign press, this little beauty in the New York Times caught my eye:

"The crowd is cheering because the team’s position is higher than many expected, and higher than most have experienced in their lives. More than that, they are witnessing players from Argentina, from Africa, from European lands they scarcely knew existed, playing in their famed black and white stripes."

Essentially the author thinks we're all about 12 years old and from Durham and have barely heard of France or Holland; which just goes to show what a New Zealand-based reporter writing in the New York Times knows about life on Tyneside.

Compared to that article, TBW's conclusion that our success is based on good cheap players working hard and keeping the ball looks positively insightful.