Sunday stretch

Amazingly, it's been claimed that, in amongst allegedly committing various misdemeanours, the Lone Ranger is actually finding the time to play a bit of football. If it's true and he really is turning out for a Sunday League side on Tyneside, then you have to fear for his shins - there will be plenty of Toon-supporting opponents out there who are sufficiently aggrieved by his repeatedly taking the piss out of the club to seize any opportunity to maim him...