Out in the cold, and out cold

Here's a question for you. You've just lost your place in the Newcastle first team to an established French international, your contract's up in the summer, your girlfriend is away on holiday in Marbella - what do you do? If you're Danny Simpson, the decision seems to be easy: follow ASBO's example by getting plastered in a city in the north-west and then kicking off in and around a takeaway in the early hours of the morning.

It seems our man came off worst in the encounter - hauled out of a taxi, punched in the face, lying unconscious on the pavement and bleeding from the mouth, and then whisked off to hospital by ambulance to be checked over. There won't be any charges brought, though.

According to one witness, "he was hammered and was mouthing off. Danny was making sure everyone knew who he was". Wonder which line he went with: "second-choice right-back for Newcastle" or "Tulisa's boyfriend"?

I do like the way the Sun seem to be incapable of referring to a footballer without labelling them a "football ace". Simpson is many things - and at times he's been a half-decent player for us - but certainly not that...

Incidentally, just in case you thought ASBO might have mellowed during his time on the south coast of France, he went and proved otherwise by collecting his first red card (for two bookings) for Marseille. The club's coach Elie Baup seems to have had no doubt it would happen sooner or later: "We waited a long time and wondered when Barton would be sent off for the first time, and that was done tonight."

He then put himself back in the spotlight by labelling Neymar a "showpony" on Twitter, but the Brazilian had a neat retort: "I don't even know who he is. But those who have mouths say what they want."