Tottenhammered

Spurs 5 - 0 Newcastle Utd

If this was Droopy's audition for the England job, then he's a shoo-in. By contrast, if this was the Silver Fox's audition to be his replacement in the Spurs dug-out, then we can probably rest assured that our manager won't be leaving for London any time soon - not least because he conceded his tactics were partly to blame for the thumping we suffered.

It was a perfect storm: effervescent, high-flying opposition playing on home turf; an old boy hungry to impress on his first start for his new club; a bullish manager, relieved at the conclusion of his court case; boisterous support from the stands; the absence of Dreamboat and particularly Mr T from our engine room; unforgivable sloppiness from our players, both with and without the ball; an offensive 4-4-2 formation which a rueful Silver Fox, with hindsight, declared a mistake.

By the sixth minute we were two down, first Benoit Assou-Ekotto and his enormous afro somehow sneaking in unmarked for a far-post tap-in, and then Louis Saha opening his account for Spurs. By the twentieth minute it had got even worse, Saha - who appeared to have rediscovered his sharpness just in time for our visit - finishing off a flowing move. Both full-backs looked completely overawed and overrun, while James Perch's limitations were cruelly exposed by Luka Modric.

In amongst it all we could possibly have had a penalty, when Emmanuel Adebayor - who had set up all three Spurs goals - handled in the area. Referee Andre Marriner suffered temporary blindness again when a curling Demba Ba free-kick was tipped behind by Brad Friedel but a corner not forthcoming. And, as if to prove everything was conspiring against us, Tim Krul made a decent save from Adebayor only for Niko Kranjcar to fire home the rebound.

We'd been 4-0 down at half-time to a team from North London before, of course, but this time the emphasis was very much on damage limitation. Obertan Kenobi was punished for a pathetic performance by being withdrawn for Shane Ferguson with Spidermag switching to the right wing.

In fairness to the players, the second period was much more palatable, helping us to claw back some pride and dignity. We even came close to scoring, when Ba's header was saved by Friedel and substitute Dan Gosling ballooned the follow-up into the stand. But by that point we'd fallen even further behind, Mike Williamson powerless to prevent Adebayor from adding his name to the scoresheet, and the sight of both Jermain Defoe and Aaron Lennon coming on was hardly comforting.

So Papisse Cisse's first full appearance was as awful as his debut was memorable, and the fans - whose splendid vocal support bore no relation to the team's display on the pitch - were left to rue the fact that the game survived the weather.

A temporary aberration? That's what we said about the defeat at Fulham. Still, losses for Chelsea and Liverpool meant we only slipped back one place (albeit with our goal difference completely wiped out), Arsenal climbing above us courtesy of a last-minute Thierry Henry winner at the Dark Place.

With next weekend off, thanks to Gus Poyet's Brighton, we've got a fortnight to pick ourselves up and rally for the visit of Wolves. The result in today's Black Country derby suggests that Mick McCarthy's men will be ideal opposition - though, of course, they too will be keen to right wrongs and banish the memory of a humiliating and painful defeat.

Other reports: BBC, Observer