Please please please let me get what I want: a move to Arsenal?

ASBO to Arsenal? Incredible, isn't it? Perhaps not quite so incredible as Micky Quinn opening his gob for that long and resisting the urge to shove a pie into it, mind...

According to the "third party" whispering into Quinny's ear, the Gunners have expressed an interest in the man seemingly destined to follow Kevin Nolan out of the door. ASBO strikes me as being about as far from a typical Arsene Wenger player as you could possibly imagine - but then perhaps, after all the talk of soft centres and a lack of steel, Wenger's decided that that's exactly what his side needs. Arsenal already have a poor disciplinary record, though, and his arrival would hardly appease fans if they end up waving goodbye to Cesc Fabregas...

As for the man himself, he's been too busy enjoying Ascot and foaming at the mouth with excitement at the prospect of being granted a personal meeting with Morrissey at Glastonbury. I'll be at the Eavis' shindig too (as usual) and will report back if I spy him in the vicinity of the cider bus looking overly refreshed...