Quote of the day

"For anyone looking in at that time and seeing Alan Smith and I with cups of tea in hand, it would have seemed a bit perverse. The lads kept coming up to Smudger, who’s always been teetotal, and me asking us if we wanted to push the boat out and have double blackcurrants. But that’s just the way it is for me these days and I am happy with it. To be among the lads when they’re drinking isn’t a problem, although sometimes I wonder if I’m acting a bit of a nugget around them."

A newly teetotal ASBO, who acknowledges that he can't handle his ale and now lives "a monk-like existence", gives us a fly-on-the-wall's eye view of last Monday evening's title-winning party in Plymouth.

Elsewhere in the interview there's a self-aggrandising reference to himself in the third person: "I am quite happy with my life right now and the people involved in it and that will be great for Newcastle because a happy Joey Barton is a decent player".

And later another, this time during some egotistical wishful thinking that he might even be considered as some kind of role model: "A lot of kids won’t look at the Beckhams and the Owens as role models. Maybe they’ll look at Joey Barton and think, ‘He made lots of mistakes, he went to jail and he came back’. That’s what drives me on – to be a shining light to people who messed up". Or, alternatively, a shining light for those wanting proof that you can be a nasty little scrote and still live a life of privilege.