Age concern

According to the Daily Heil, we're keen to capture Man City's Joleon Lescott on loan. While it wouldn't be the worst move in the world (especially with our most experienced and level-headed centre back Sideshow Bob sidelined with injury for six weeks), I do wonder whether it would be rejected on the grounds that his best years are firmly behind him - hardly in line with our general recruitment policy. Perhaps that's why we've already dismissed any link to Everton's Johnny Heitinga, another thirtysomething who's desperate for a move but who recently gave Fat Sam a satisfyingly firm slap in the face.

Lescott has always struck me as a calm, cultured, assured defender of the sort we rarely see at St James' Park, but City fans may feel differently. He's certainly managed to offend some of them, with a series of tweets that reveal he's far better at football than he is at spelling...

Meanwhile, we've also been linked with a French (quelle surprise!) winger called Remy Caballa, which begs the question: is JFK on a mission to sign only players called Remy so he has fewer names to remember and because he's a fan of cognac?