The French Enlightenment

According to Perchinho, our French foreign legion will be given a crash course in what playing Sunderland means ahead of derby day. Ultimately the lesson is pretty simple: no matter what you do, make sure you win.

I'd expect Dreamboat would be a chief educator alongside the Silver Fox, who will no doubt be delighted to know that the Mackems' main goal threat, Steven Fletcher, is out for the rest of the season after crocking himself on international duty as Scotland lost (again). It's a bit of a shame, though, that Lee Clattermole is also ruled out - we could have done with that moronic red card magnet getting himself in bother with the officials and making our task that bit easier.