Iron man

Last night's display at Old Trafford underlined that we're short of a bit of steel in midfield - so a player who can not only perform that role but whose surname is the French for "iron" would seem to fit the bill perfectly...

The Daily Heil claims we've lodged a £4m bid for Feyenoord's Leroy Fer, who, as part of the Dutch set-up, will presumably have been learning the art of the uncompromising tackle from compatriots Mark van Bommel and Nigel de Jong, Spain's chief assailants in the World Cup final.

The 20-year-old's physical stature has earned him the nickname the Bouncer. If Fer does sign, it'll be interesting to see how long it takes Begbie or Bigger Lad to antagonise him, given that upsetting doormen is their stock in trade...

Incidentally, Begbie has announced that he'll continue to cultivate the hairy caterpillar on his top lip until we win our first game. Cue nightmarish visions of him looking like Magnum PI or Salvador Dali.