Quote of the day

"We were told thieves had taken a number of things, the most important one being the chequebook. Given what soccer stars earn, that was obviously a matter of great concern. We got a call back saying nothing was missing after all. Perhaps he had had a party and the place just looked as if it had been burgled".

A police source on the latest incident in the litany of idiotic behaviour perpetrated by Newcastle Utd footballers - on this occasion, Shola Ameobi. Bamboozled by his own untidiness? Makes a change from being bamboozled by his own legs, I suppose...