Beatings and bairns

Fraser Forster was in action for Celtic again at the weekend - or rather he wasn't, watching on as his temporary team-mates ruthlessly thrashed hapless Aberdeen 9-0. Dons manager Mark McGhee has since claimed he feels secure and "comfortable" in his role. Er, that'd be shell-shock and delusion you're suffering from, Mark...

It was an equally miserable weekend north of the border for another former Toon man, Colin Calderwood watching on as his new Hibs side lost the Edinburgh derby to Hearts despite having home advantage.

In other old boy news, the Daily Heil has reported that Nicky Butt could dust off his boots to appear in the Hong Kong League for South China. Meanwhile, John Barnes - one of Sky's pundits for the Arsenal game - became a father for the seventh time during the ensuing Liverpool v Chelsea match, but opted to stay at work rather than immediately rush to his wife's bedside. Over to Heather from Wiltshire for insightful comment: "LOWLIFE"...