Midfield generals

'Allo 'allo 'allo. No, not aitch-allergic 'Arry Redknapp greeting the squad - we, at least, are pleased the flabby-faced hounddog almost certainly won't be taking the reins on Tyneside - but the squad greeting the return to training of one Joey Barton esq.

"What I can tell you is that the bail rulings are in place. Outside of that, I can't really comment because I am not totally au fait with the details", said caretaker manager Nigel Pearson, whose eyes look like those of a man on Death Row who can't wait to get it all over with. "All I will say that any rules and regulations which are in place will be met by us". So presumably while the other players haul tyres around Rocky-style, Barton can just make do with his ball and chain? Come to think of it, he's been playing as though he's had a ball and chain on all season.

And onto another Newcastle player fraudulently answering to the description of "midfield general" - Alan Smith has been given a two game ban for being dismissed for dissent on Saturday. Well, better than a one game ban, I suppose. Smith must either have no common sense at all, or a hell of a lot more faith than we do in his own abilities and those around him that he thought making up a five goal deficit in injury time at the end of the game was still possible...