Know your enemy

Stephen Caldwell may have moved on / been forcibly moved on to Burnley, but there are still two familiar faces in the Mackem squad who could well come back to bite us in the arse in the derby on Saturday.

Agent Chopra hasn't scored in eleven appearances - and what better stage for him to convince the Great Unwashed that he really is one of Them now? The fear is that he may actually turn out to be a double agent...

Meanwhile, one Andrew Cole - whom you may remember from such chants as "Andy Cole, Andy Cole, Andy Andy Andy Cole, gets the ball and scores a goal" - has been busy returning to fitness by scoring in the reserves and is now in line to make his first team debut against us at the Stadium of Shite. The script's written...

Some positive news? Nicky Butt's suspended - hooray! With any luck, that'll mean Fat Sam starts with Geremi AND both wingers - but I'm not holding my breath. Joey Barton hasn't exactly excelled so far, but he would probably be more use in this fixture, particularly away from home, than Emre, even allowing for the latter's brilliant winning free-kick against them at St James's two years ago.

Sod's law that I'm going to be on a train for the duration of the entire match - not the best example of forward planning, it has to be said...