Old year's honours list

(By rights, this should have been posted many moons ago.)

2005 may have been yet another trophyless season, but that's not to say we didn't manage to scoop a major honour.

Well, in the Guardian's Fiver Awards, at least, where Freddy Shepherd bagged the BAFTA (Bald And Fat Tyneside Arse) Award once again. Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer can count themselves unlucky to have narrrowly missed out to 'Arry Redknapp and Sir Clive Woodward in the Best Of Friends category.

The club the Fiver satirically refers to as Newcastle United Comedy Club featured prominently in several other awards too. The Lickspittle Of The Year award went to Sky Sports News presenter Jim White for his gushing brown-nosing comments to Souness and the Geordie faithful at the unveiling of Michael Owen, while the David Platt Award For Tactical Insight was won by the Chelsea scout who failed to identify Bramble as the weakest link in our back line. Had he not been guilty of this oversight, Bramble could have been forced into more than just the two fatal errors in the champions' 3-0 win...