Gun for hire

After his solitary disappointing season with Newcastle, Fat Pat has jetted off back to Spain to sign a three year deal with Valencia.

No doubt he'll do an excellent job and we'll rue the decision to allow him to leave - not least if we come up against his new club in the Intertoto Cup, which is a distinct and distressing possibility.

The alternative? We sign a couple of energetic and committed strikers who actually look like they can be arsed, while Valencia's bars and Greggs outlets do a roaring trade thanks to the city's new arrival...